having more than one baby

lytedark

so V is nearing the 6 month mark, and while things are definitely easier/better than the itty bitty phase, i still feel pretty stretched and exhausted (we're still up at least twice on a GOOD night - way more than that on bad ones).

so i guess my question is for those that have 2+ - how do you do it?  how did you reach the place where you felt like you could add to your family and how old was your other kiddo when you made this decision?  

i'd love to have two kids at some point but find the one i have so all-consuming, it's hard to visualize having time for more than one - but loads of people do it, so what am i missing?  is it just an age thing?

(and as an addendum, you twinsies mom's out there are superheroes in my eyes!  )

Temp76535187505890

I'm not exactly sure how we came to the decision when the right time was other than we knew we weren't getting any younger.  I think if we were both still in our 20s that we would have stretched the time between kids a little more to maybe 2.5 or 3 years between rather than 22 months.  Plus, we've got the factor of not knowing when DH will be gone again, etc to factor in.  We knew that his next assignment he'd likely not deploy so it was the perfect time to have another child. 

There are days when it's trying and I want to tear my hair out but most days you just roll with the punches and it's not so bad.  But, I will say that I don't know how people do it with children closer together than we have. 

I guess you just get to a point where it becomes more logical to you and until you hit that time it just doesn't make any sense.  

Joes_love

i was definitely not ready for another when N was 6 months.  it was more like 15-18 months that we decided we wanted a second one.  i don't really know what brought us to the decision, i just knew i wanted another baby to share my love with and to add to our family.

SWBs Wifey

I'm still at the point thar the idea of number 2 scares the hell out of me... to the point of tears.  Literally.  Does not help my sex drive... for fear of malfunctioning birth control.

Mere7706

We have a rule- we're not allowed to even talk about having another baby until the one we have is 1 year old. So when T hit 1 that's when we started talking about it.  dh was more ready than I was, but I thought- I don't know if I'll ever FEEL ready, but I WANT more than one kid, so why not. You adjust, you need support, you do your best and sometimes one of the kids will lack in attention and not get the wants met. I focus on making sure I get the needs met and then work on the wants. I have less 'me time' but I value the 'me time' I do get even more than ever.

From T, I knew I could function on limited sleep. With T & B, I'm learning I can function on almost no sleep. These boys are making me learn that I'm stronger than I ever knew/thought. Though I may feel like I'm cracking at all of my seams somedays, the smiles and laughs I get from the boys heals all those cracks in an instant (though they may break again 10 minutes later ) 

{funny story, the other night at dinner we were talking about how T was eating all his dinner and he was growing so big- can reach the high light switch in the kitchen now!- he said "I have a little wieny now but I'm growing a big one like daddy"--- I laughed so hard I cried and that was JUST what I needed to keep me grounded and not losing my mind}

 

nsees

My boys are 3.5 years apart so it took me a while to get there. DH was ready long before that. I love the time between them. It gave me plenty of time with just Eli and when he's at school I'll have that time with Evan.

babybird7

We just became ready when DD was about to turn two.  She was always a horrible sleeper and a very clingy baby.  When she hit two she started sleeping MUCH better and is gaining some more independence allowing me to gain my sanity again.  I wanted my kids less than 3 years apart so it was just time.  Not perfect financially but it just felt like it was time.  @ 6 months old, NO WAY was I even close to thinking about adding a 2nd.  I'm still a little terrified about it now. 

Dobie_Mama

When S was 6mos, I didn't want another baby ever.  Much less then.  I was still too overwhelmed.  By the time she hit a year I had decided I definitely wanted another ... some time in the future.  Baby rabies hit full force at 18mos.  Even after I got PG with L I still had those, "Holy crap.  How will I do this with TWO kids!?" moments and sure, sometimes now I feel pretty stretched to my limits, but I couldn't imagine it any other way.  The rewards of twice the love more than make up for whatever we struggle with.

danaann78

Like PP said, if I had been younger when we started our family, there probably would have been more time between kids.  As it is, I was 31 when I had Q, and I knew then that I wanted as many kids as I can crank out before I'm 35.  DS was a C-section, so we were supposed to wait a year between pregnancies.  We started talking about trying when DS was 10 months old and got pregnant when DS was 11 months old.  I was truly shocked!  It took 18 months and IUI to get DS, so I was not expecting the old fashioned way to work the first try!

Before I was pregnant this time, I KNEW I was ready for another one.  Now I'm terrified! !  DS was a terrible sleeper and had horrible reflux until just a few months ago and I'm afraid DD will be the same way.  He also recently started waking up again at least once a night and often comes into bed with us.  I'm not looking forward to being up every 2 hours with a newborn and also having DS up and looking to come into our bed!  I'm also worried because DS is very demanding of my time and extremely vocal when I can't do what he wants right when he wants it, and with his sister here he's going to have to learn to wait. 

I'm sure it will be hard, but then I think of parents of twins, or parents whose kids are even closer in age.  If they can do it, I can do it, too!  

papagena

I'm not sure how we're going to do it, but we always knew we wanted 2 kiddos.  I'm good at waking at nights, for better or worse, so that helps a bit.  It is an age thing, though, IMO, as you can trust them a bit more in the house, hopefully they have a pretty good nap/bedtime schedule, etc.  I was in no way ready the first or most of the second year at all.  Honestly, I was just getting to the point where I was ready when we got pg, and even that threw me for a loop.  I always kind of figured I wanted them somewhere from a bit under 3 years to four years apart.

jwpbride

Joes_love:

 i don't really know what brought us to the decision, i just knew i wanted another baby to share my love with and to add to our family.

This exactly. I want multiple kids.

I know I want them close together because I HATED being pg and I seriously disliked the NB stage so I'd rather go ahead and have all that behind me. I know it sounds crazy, but the sooner I can have all my children above the age of 1, the better! If I'm going to have all these years of pregnancy and BFing, I'd rather not spread them out- I'd rather get it all over with while I'm young! hehe

GiGi1221

Oddly enough- dh and I have been talking a lot about this lately.  We want to get the baby phase done in a short period of time and move one.  We watched a friends 2 month old last night and it was a breeze. 

I think the biggest adjustment comes from when you go from 0-1 (or 2,3,4?!?!) That's when you realize it's not all about you and when you and your partner learn each others parenting styles.  When it comes to the twins I am the organizer and needs predictor....researcher too.  My husband is much more patient and fun with them.  So when they are fussy it's his turn because he handles it so much better.

All that said- I still don't know if we'll add a third!

crackerjackprinter

danaann78:

Like PP said, if I had been younger when we started our family, there probably would have been more time between kids.  As it is, I was 31 when I had Q, and I knew then that I wanted as many kids as I can crank out before I'm 35.  DS was a C-section, so we were supposed to wait a year between pregnancies.  We started talking about trying when DS was 10 months old and got pregnant when DS was 11 months old.  I was truly shocked!  It took 18 months and IUI to get DS, so I was not expecting the old fashioned way to work the first try!

Before I was pregnant this time, I KNEW I was ready for another one.  Now I'm terrified! !  DS was a terrible sleeper and had horrible reflux until just a few months ago and I'm afraid DD will be the same way.  He also recently started waking up again at least once a night and often comes into bed with us.  I'm not looking forward to being up every 2 hours with a newborn and also having DS up and looking to come into our bed!  I'm also worried because DS is very demanding of my time and extremely vocal when I can't do what he wants right when he wants it, and with his sister here he's going to have to learn to wait. 

I'm sure it will be hard, but then I think of parents of twins, or parents whose kids are even closer in age.  If they can do it, I can do it, too!  

If it helps, DD was a lot the same way.  But after the initial 8 weeks of adjustment things have been much better, unless she's teething or sick.

To OP: I wanted another one immediately but I'm glad we didn't get pregnant until DD was a year old.  I knew I wasn't ready sooner, I just wanted another itty bitty.

Also keep in mind, you have 9 months from conception to get yourself and your child ready for another.

DD and DS are 20 months apart and I wouldn't change that.  DD was always pretty independent at playing and that helped a lot.  

 

barnwife

Thank you for asking this question. I always pictured myself having 3 or 4 kids. DH feels the same way. Now that J. is here, I feel so stretched thin that I can't imagine more. (Granted we are only at the 3 month mark.)

Then I think of people like my SIl and BIL who are expecting their 4 child. Their oldest will be about 4 years 4 months when baby is born. And I think, to me, that's insane. But if they can do that, at some point I'm sure I'll be ready to think about another one.

Lotte134

I think so much is a function of how easy or difficult your LO is.  For us I'm just now to the point where I think I could handle another one, but that's because DS has always been such a challenging sleeper.  People I know that have 2 really close together tend to have more laid-back, easy-going firsts.

Genevieved

DH and I are talking about another one and the only thing that is holding me back a little is the fact that I know the fall will be really busy with his new job.  He is already busy this  fall and I find it bothering me more than I thought it would. 

So I don't really want to have a newborn in the fall of next year but who knows that may change.

I also said I wanted to have 2 under 2 years but I'm not sure that is going to happen.  

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lytedark

thanks for all the responses!  it's also really good to know still feeling stretched/crazy/overwhelmed at this age isn't all that abnormal but that with time it will seem more doable!

luvlieK

That's why we are sending this one to preschool first lol

babyluv617

Thats a loaded question (and the blog post I've working on forever).

I'm a complete nut. Sometimes I can't handle the two I have. Sleep is overrated. Some days I just want to cry. But at the end of the day I love being a mom.

I wanted more around the 3 month mark. Crazy, right? 

I won't look back on my life and say, "I really regret having #2 (or 3 or 4). That was a mistake." 

But I might look back on my life and say, "I really wish we would have had more kids." 

Maybe if they both nap at the same time I can get the blog post done. Here's hoping.

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Fun2Dream

Well, it wasn't exactly up to us.  We didn't plan our second pregnancy.  But, we did get pregnant when DD was 6 months old, so I wanted to answer.

The biggest thing I was worried about was sleep when I found out I was pregnant again.  Our 6 month old did not sleep well.  Nor did our 7 or 8 month old.  Around 9 months she got markedly better, but still not good.  By 15 months, though, she's a pretty good sleeper.  

It's remarkable how different they are at 6 months and at 15 months.  I couldn't imagine having two back when we first found out I was pregnant, but it's not too bad right now {while DH is home for a week and mom is here too...}.  The hardest part for me right now is that I'm not supposed to pick up my DD#1 and I was confined to my bed for a couple days after birth, making me miss her like crazy.  I also can't be down on the floor with her right now because I'm still healing, so I feel like an observer rather than an active participant in her life.  All that said, it's only a couple of weeks that I'm restricted like this - after that I just hope she still loves me as much as she loves her grandma and daddy who are giving her extra attention right now.