When you host a holiday, who is invited?

Mere7706

When you host a gathering for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, whatever holiday--- who do you invite? 
Your family, DH's family, both?  How far do you extend the invite to family members (siblings and their families, cousins, aunts/uncles, grandparents)??

 

We haven't hosted a big holiday yet, but I'd like to do Thanksgiving next year. I was thinking it would just be my parents/siblings and their kids, and maybe my grammy and uncle too.  Dh wants to include his family (but I'd like to start doing an every other Thanksgiving with our families, since we've done nothing but his family for the past 5+ years. My mom has recently shared that she is hurt by us spending all our time with MIL. (lets just say she and I are both to blame on this one, and my MIL is wonderful, but plans gatherings often and invites herself over frequently- my mom- not so much)

blissfully_caffeinated

My answer might be different because Dh and I live several states away from both of our families. They know that there is an open invitation for any of them to come for any holiday. My entire extended family and Dh's parents, sibling, and grandmothers are invited to major holidays or a month or two early or late to cut down on travel costs.

This year I'm hosting Thanksgiving for my brother, his girlfriend, my best friend, and her quasi-boyfriend. My parents were going to come too but they decided to forgo the expense. I'm also hosting an early Christmas the first weekend in December for Dh's parents. Then I'm flying to CA to see my family.

If I decide to host a full formal get together on the actual holiday I generally only invite parents, siblings, and grandparents but let them know all family is welcome but to let me know in advance.

papagena

For big holidays, I'd invite both sides.  If we lived back near the 'rents/IL's, we'd invite:

My parents
My 2 sisters
DH's parents
DH's 2 sisters & their H's
My grandparents (2)
My aunt & Bill

Wow - it adds up fast, but it'd be hard to exclude one side at the holidays if we were hosting and they both lived close enough. I fully admit - I'd hope some couldn't come...

The only exception would be Christmas - my family generally has celebrated on Xmas Eve and the IL's on Xmas day, so that would be two gatherings, or only hosting one of the two. 

barnwife

We haven't hosted a major holiday yet. (We've only been married for 1 1/2 years.) So I'll tell you that when my sister hosts a holiday she invites our family and her ILs. (BIL's sister gets invited too, but she lives out of state.)

When SIL hosted a holiday she invited ILs and her parents. However, her parents live next door (or as next door as you get in the country).

So I guess if we ever host a holiday, I'd invite my family and my ILs. I'd only extend the invitation to immediate family, but if other family heard about it and wanted to come, that would be okay with me. Space isn't really an issue for us since we live in a barn.

luvlieK

Anyone that will be in the area.  So that's usually My family (parents and 3 siblings and any spouses/dates that want to come), His family (with the same), His aunt and uncle and cousin with 2 kids.  Any other aunt, uncle, grandparent that may be visiting at the time is invited as well.

SWBs Wifey

So far, we've never hosted.  We have always traveled.  We used to live within 4 hours of our families (smack in the middle of them).  We have always done his family for one Holiday and mine for the next.  We didn't consider Easter in that at all... and usually ended up with his fam... if he was home.  My Dad just wasn't big on Easter, so it wasn't a big deal to him.  This will be our last year traveling for Christmas (possibly turkey day too?) and we're trying to get DH's family to come for Christmas.  (his sister pretty much invited herself and her mom...)  I'll invite my family too, but they won't come.  My step mom will want to be with her kids when she gets them at 6 on Christmas night.

peachypear

I?m not sure how useful my answer will be, since I think our family and holiday arrangement is very different. (DH?s family lives several states away and won?t travel, so when we host, it?s always for just my family by default. We alternate major holidays. One year is his family for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas; the next year we switch.).

My brother and SIL have a situation more like yours. Both have large extended families nearby. They alternate major holidays (hosted by others and attended by all extended family on that side), just like DH and I. They used to try to do both families, but it was just too much and they felt like they weren?t really getting a real holiday with anyone. It works really well. We all know when to expect them and the parents don?t get huffy about who is getting more time. When they host a more minor holiday that traditionally wouldn?t include extended family, they invite us, my parents, my SIL?s parents, and SIL?s brother/wife if they are available.

I think alternating years or choosing one holiday to do with your family and one with his every year is the way to go. Or, you could do holidays together and make an effort to plan more minor gatherings for your family exclusively. For example, if it?s important to your DH that his family be included in Thanksgiving, tell your mom that everyone will attend that holiday, but that you?ll spend New Years (or whatever) with just your side.