Age is just a number, right?

yaramak

 

I've been lurking around this site for months and have finally gotten the guts to post something. I have slight insecurity issues and generally hang out in the background and watch what's going on instead of stepping in and saying something or doing something... heh heh

So hereis my introduction and maybe a bit of a rant. (I hope it's fine that I combine them in one post...) 

Ok. HereI go!

 I've been married for a little over a year now and just found out I'm pregnant! I'm sure a lot of women have experienced the same crazy feelings when you see that BFP! I was so happy and excited I cried and hugged my husband! We were both speechless for a few moments and then just shared happy tears together. It was a very interesting experience. I'm almost 6 weeks now and the due date is July,11, 2011 (which happens to by my MIL's birthday)! 

DH and I decided (though I was initially reluctant to agree...) that we wont tell anyone until after we've told our parents first AND in person. Which makes things a little complicated because DH's parents live in Germany, mine live in California, and we live Austria! We think we'll see his parents over Christmas,and I can possibly fly home (to California) in January. We know it will be HUGE news and a big fat surprise for both sets of parents because it will be the first grandchild on both sides. 

 

 Something I've been struggling a lot with is age. Specifically my age- I'm young (19). I got married young, and now I'm having a baby young. I think I've gotten into this silly paranoia about being so judged by my age because whenever people ask how old I am and then hear I'm married, they always (so far) have reacted dramatically and/or negatively. And it seems to be generally assumed that the only reason I got married so young is because I was "knocked up" or"fell pregnant"... 

Even some girls from church wont socialize with me so much since they found out I'm 3 or 4 years younger than them! Initially they all assumed I was about their age when we first went out to coffee and spent time together (because I'm more mature for my age?? or something along those lines). Now they'll only say"hi" to me at church, but I'm definitely not invited back into their circle. 

 I'm so paranoid about talking to people and attempting to make friends, because so far nobody in my German class and at church are either a) my age and married, or b) my age or c) pregnant.

I have no one to relate to and don't know how to make friends since we've moved to Austria 2 months ago.

Is age just a number? Or is it really shocking to all of you that I'm 19 and not irresponsible and immature, like the general public seems to think I am (or should be)?  

 Sincerely,

Yara M. 

 

Dr.Loretta

You're going to get that kind of reaction, unfortunately. You're 19, you're married (which is unusual these days) and you're pregnant (which most people will think is the reason you're married). If you conduct yourself maturely, people will come around. You're right, it's going to be hard to find friends where you fit in, because most 19yo's are going to be in college and most married women with kids are going to be older. It will be tough, but you'll find a few friends along the way.

You can take this for what it's worth, but I'd save my $ for the baby and find a different way to tell the family about the baby unless you already have a trip home planned. Yes, it's exciting to tell them in person, but far from practical. We just told them over the phone.

GL and congrats.

Aferrucci

I agree with the post above you will eventually find friends, just stay positive. I also agree with saving your money if you want to see their reaction maybe you could use skype to tell them.

sintashia

  My opinion is that if people are judging you because of your age or because you are married and pregnant then they don't need to be in your life anyways. I mean, do you really want people around you and your child who are going to constantly put their noses where they don't belong all the while looking down those noses at you? Forget that! You are who you are and if there are people who don't like it, screw them!! Don't worry about other people's insecurities about YOUR life. It's not their business in the first place and who are they to look at what they think is wrong in your life when they surely have discrepancies in their own!

  You'll find friends, it may take a while, but if you find just one that is real you are truly blessed.