Made to feel inadequate yesterday :(

peekaboo716

OK - first, I have a confession. We moved not that long ago, and I didn't tell the nest world. Sorry for that. That detail is somewhat needed for the story below.

Second, while hanging out at the park in our neighborhood yesterday, I got to talking to two of the moms there. One has lived in the neighborhood several years (7 maybe?) and the other is very recent (6 weeks new). I was talking to the "old" neighbor since our kids were playing together. The new mom comes over since her DD started playing with our kids.

The conversation turned to education - not the kids, but the parents. Turns out these two ladies went to private colleges in the state, and both have their MBA. So do their DH's. They turn to me to ask me where I got my MBA. Uh - I don't have one. So I tell them I have my bachelor's from (a very reputable school), but not my masters. Both of the them, in unison, say, "Oh. Really." while giving me the side eye. Then they walk off with each other without so much as a word to me to "talk shop."

Ugh. It just made me feel so inadequate. I mean, I am a college grad, have a job with a great company, and get put down from these women,. The new mom is a SAHM, and doesn't plan to go back to work until the kids graduate from high school (she said herself). The other mom works FT.

It's something I feel quite frequently where we live now. Many families around us make considerably more money than DH and I do. I am having a very hard time fitting in with the other moms in the neighborhood. And our neighborhood is crawling with kids! We anticipate living here "forever" so I am really trying to fit in, especially with the other moms that my kids like to play with.

DH was really great about it later though. He said that my school was so much better than theirs was anyway, and I'm probably smarter than they are. I love him.

sunandsand

Wow I don't even have a bachelors...I'd hate to know what they thought of me!

xbrooklyngrl

sunandsand:

Wow I don't even have a bachelors...I'd hate to know what they thought of me!

Ditto this!

And they don't sound like people you want to waste your time on anyway. Snobbie hags.

Yodajo

Look at it on the positive side.  Thank God they showed you what they are really like before you invested much time in them.  You really don't need that kind of friendship. 

Hold your head up!  Your education is nothing to feel inadequate about.

femmegem

Well, I have to say that I would have no desire to fit in with anyone so pompous. Honestly, who just assumes everyone in the world has an advanced degree, much less an MBA? And, FWIW, I do have a master's degree and my H has his PhD. I would never look down on anyone if they didn't have as much education as I do. Hell, my dad never finished college, and he's really intelligent, hard working, and an all-around great guy.

I'm sorry they made you feel inadequate, but you shouldn't. At all.

FloF9

You don't need to be friends with a bunch of damn peahens.  Please!  Who cares is they make more than you guys do, or what schooling they did. 

What matters is that you and your DH are down to earth, you're trying to raise your kids the best that you can.  Do you really want to make friends with hypocrites?   You're better off without friends like those.

ljlkm

Sounds like their money would have been better spent on finishing school, since business school didn't teach them manners.

JOEBunny

When ever people think an entire group is against them, I have to say just make sure you are not the one who is making yourself feel that way. 

My community has a lot of people with advanced degrees and very few of them act the way you are describing.  I also don't see what difference it makes if someone stays home or works, so you might be making some judgements of your own.  

shouldbworkin

You probably take in the same if not more than they do since they're probably still paying off their private college tuition and masters tuition loans.  ;-) 

What they did was rude!  Don't let them get to you. 

rebbieW

Believe me, these are not the women you want to waste any time on. That was just plain shallow. Petty, too. And elitest. They should be ashamed of themselves and are obviously trying to compensate for their own perceived inadequacies. You will find other, kinder moms to hang out with, don't worry.

peekaboo716

Thanks, ladies. I am just trying to fit in, and it seemed like yesterday's encounter was the exact opposite of what I was trying to accomplish.

I may not end up friends with these women, but I do need to be able to forge some kind of relationship. DS will be in the same grade as their kids, and the one has a younger one the same age as DD. I think our paths will cross several times a year.

WBs_Bride

peekaboo716:

Ugh. It just made me feel so inadequate. I mean, I am a college grad, have a job with a great company, and get put down from these women,. The new mom is a SAHM, and doesn't plan to go back to work until the kids graduate from high school (she said herself). The other mom works FT.

Good luck to the one who will be trying to reenter the workforce in 20 years with her MBA in her back pocket but no recent experience.....

Sorry they were jerks to you. I would have felt crappy, too. :-( I'm sure there are more nice moms out there and these two are the exception and not the rule!

karen6784

What nasty people!  It stinks that they treated you this way.  Hold your head high, and screw those snatches!

jlw2505

Wow is about all I can say to that.  I can't even believe someone would act like that.  So sorry.  Those women are so mean and not worth your friendship.  I do get where you are coming from though as these are the people you will interact with in so many ways throughout the year so you want to make friends and fit in.  I certainly hope others in the area are not like that, regardless of how much money someone makes (or doesn't).

belle204

That was just silly and rude of them. I would never give something like that a second thought.

Mrs.Tony

Wow, that was really rude. I am sorry they made you feel this way but I agree with the others you don't need friends like this.  I hope you meet some more "normal" people : )

Glendi2.0

Did you move to Boston?

Kidding, but only sort of... it stands to reason that people living in the higher ed capital of the world will take an interest in advanced degrees... not sure if that's a factor in your community.  It's a pretty standard topic of conversation around here, along with where you live and what you do. But even with the exorbitant number of advanced degree holders I know, I rarely meet folks like this (well, except for when I worked at Harvard Business School. They hadn't even finished their first year and were already blowing smoke. But they were an entirely different species.) Either way, if they did in fact snub their noses at you intentionally, f'em. But also consider whether your own "new girl" insecurities created the vibe you describe...  perception can be a very powerful thing- sometimes even more powerful than reality!

#6

I bet I would totally blow their minds since I dont have a degree period.  I have taken about 30 credits towards a general studies degree but really have no clue what I want to do for the rest of my life.  

GL making some real friends who dont judge you before getting to know you.   

r9stedt

sunandsand:

Wow I don't even have a bachelors...I'd hate to know what they thought of me!

Why did I think you were a nurse??

 

And, gosh, I freaking hate feeling inadequate to other moms...  Seriously.  I feel like I am just being judged at preschool pu/do  

cnybride2be

people seriously talk about where they got their MBA at the playground? I guess it's not entirely impossible.  Although, I've been to some playgrounds in the last few and I gotta say MBA or not, I'd feel like a huge *ss if i asked someone whom i just met where they got their MBA.  not judging them just saying how i'd feel .

and they walked away just like that?  yup.  they are accomplished. (now i'm judging).