Did you share details with family/friends?

sports965

Hello everyone! I am new to this board but have some questions for you all. If you found out that there is a problem with your pregnancy that puts the baby at risk and will be monitored throughout the pregnancy to keep an eye on the babies health - did you share the details with family/friends? I am finding myself not wanting to tell anyone, as I don't want them to make assumptions on how the baby may/may not be affected when born. I don't want them to feel bad for us and run and tell our story and possible conditions to everyone they know. I don't want them to google the condition and come across severe cases and assume that my baby WILL have these issues. We really don't know what the outcome will be, but there is a chance everyething could turn out perfectly fine - it is wait and see.

Any thoughts on how you would/did handle this? If you did share the details of your high risk pregnancy with family/friends, do they constantly focus on it and ask questions all the time? How do you feel about it?

LydiaE2

So I had preterm labor isssues with DS.

I waited a week to tell my mom because she was on vacation with my Dad at the time and I didn't want her to worry and fly to Chicago to take care of me (in retrospect I should have told her, not because I needed her help, but because I needed her support).

I didn't tell HR at work, though I should have told them too.  It would have be easier for my office to plan, because I was really unreliable for the last month I was able to work.  

I didn't tell many friends, in fact I stopped talking with most of them when I started having issues.  I just didn't want to explain something that I didn't understand very well myself, and have people worry about me and DS.

My DH was traveling while I was dealing with the preterm labor issues, so I was alone in Chicago most of the time.   DH was in a different state when I had doctor appointments and only went to triage with me one of the many times I had to go.  I did keep him updated, and he told his office that he might need to get home to me with no warning.  

My mom did come to visit me after her vacation, 1 day after she got home.  She went with me to all my doctor's appointments that week, asked questions I was afraid to ask, took me to triage when I needed to be checked out.

My mom didn't tell her family.  She didn't want to field all of the questions.  My mom knew her family would be nosey and suggest all kinds of things that would not be helpful.  My mom's sister had also had a couple of stillbirths, and my mom really didn't want to make her worried.

My DH, mom and I developed a stock response when people asked how I was doing.  Something like "Lydia has some issues, but she and the baby are doing well, thanks for asking."  

RevJG

I have Lupus and that comes with a long list of possible complications and lots of extra doctor's visits.  We have a blog and every couple of weeks I will do a light hearted post about what's going on, more so because I hate getting asked a million times how I am doing-so people can just go read about it there.  My mom is the worst and she drives me crazy about asking every other day if there has been any change, so finally I just had to lay down the law and tell her that no news is good news and she HAS to stop asking me about it.  My boss at work knows that there are complications, hence all the doctor's visits, but not all of the details. 

caitdana

At first I was very broad about telling people there was a problem and what it was. I actually found it really helpful when my family and friends did google and do research becaues they were a lot more understanding. I felt like those who did not go the extra step to research were the more judgemental. I am very open with il's and my parents, my boss, and close friends.  Each week is an added bonus for these girls so I figure it is easier to tell the need to know people what's going on up front because I could be out of work and in the hospital any day now and it could happen so fast that I wouldnt even have time to explain the back story to each of them.

luvndazys

Not sure what struggles you are having with your pregnancy & for me that might determine who I shared with/what I shared.

I chose to be very open about the problems I was having and i'm glad I did so. I've had a previous loss & knew from that experience that regardless of the outcome I'd need support of friends & family. I ended up on bedrest for 4 months & could not have made it through without the support I & my husband received. I was scared & often lonely I can't imagine going through that alone. My family took turns caring for me, my DH & my household. I was not stressed at all about work because they knew in advance what was happening.

Thankfully, my outcome is positive & i'm 39 weeks pregnant.  My friends/family now get to share in our joy knowing they played a role.

 Good Luck to you--I hope your outcome is positive.

shar01

My husband & I decided to share just the basics regarding my high risk pregnancy with friends & family.  Basically they know I'm high risk due to elevated BP & that I'm being closely monitored by a maternal/fetal medicine doctor & I have weekly appointments.  That's about it.  
When asked how I'm doing I let them know that everything looks good & I'll keep them informed if anything changes.
I don't like to be fussed over or having people worry about things that they can't control - plus when people like my dad stress out, then I have a tendency to get stressed out too & I can't worry about keeping my dad calm while trying to stay calm & relaxed myself.
I have my husband deal with keeping his mom informed/updated & I keep my family updated.

The only people that truly know every aspect of my high risk pregnancy are my sisters (both were also high risk so they can relate to what's going on), my mom, & my husband.