Cloth Diapers and Unsupporting family and friends....

JessicaBeadles

First off, let me introduce myself before I go into my tirade. I'm Jessica and I'm 23 years old. I am the mother of a beautiful baby girl who just turned 3 years old, my husband Zane and I are now expecting our 2nd, I am 12 weeks along. I was young and unexperienced when my daughter was born and conformed to what my mother, grandmothers and cousins and aunts who all have given birth before did with their babies. Pacifiers and bottles (because that baby is just not getting enough to eat Jessica!) and didn't even consider the wonders of cloth diapering.

My attempts to breast feed were even stomped to the ground when my mother came in during a visit, while baby and I was sleeping, and bottle fed my daughter, and as you figured; she never latched on again. THIS time around I live in a different city and am planning to exclusively breast feed our expecting baby and use cloth diapers. I expressed my excitement and joy about all the cuteness the covers entail and finally feeling like I am making all the right decisions that I wanted to make when I was caring for my daughter, but was scared to. Only to be smacked down with hideous comments and degrading words: that baby is going to have a constant infection and rash, you can't breast feed for long, it's just not going to work out and another one of my faves for coth diapering: that's very unhealthy and disgusting Jessica, I can't believe you are doing this. How oh HOW do I get them to back OFF and leave me alone, without stooping to their levels?? Any help will be GREATLY appreciated!!! -Jessi

OctoberBabyH

I am so sorry to hear that you have to deal with unsupportive and negative people. I would simply say that you are the baby's parent, not them and you would appreciate it if they would respect your rights and decisions as the baby's parent; or to simply keep their negativity and unsolicited advice/shiiiity opinions to themselves.

CDing is not unhealthy or filthy. Tell them about the chemicals in disposables maybe? Or just say "to each his/her own" smile and nod. Everyone will have their opinion or be a Debbie Downer and if you don't turn your cheek now, you will let their bad attitudes get you down. I am sure you are better than that. (I mean, you def. sound like you are, at least!)

 

Good luck hun!

*blue*flower*

I am so sorry you have dealt with such un supportive family.  That always makes things harder, but not impossible.  Breastfeeding is hard enough without people being negative and unsupportive.  I only CDed my DD for her last few month in diapers and now that we are TTC #2 I am so excited to have my next baby in cloth from the beginning, so I know how you feel about that. 

I think the best way to get them to back off wihout getting down to their level is to just do it and prove them wrong without ever saying a word.  If they start on one of their lectures just say something like "well that is your opinion, but these are my children and this is what I am planning to do and I would like your support and love but if you can't give that to me then at least please stop sharing your opinion on these two subjects.  If any medical issues come up I am sure my Pediatrician would be willing to help use solve whatever problem there is."  Or something like that.  I wouldn't say it in the heat of the moment, but rather calm and then just drop the subject and move on.  Hopefully they would get the point.

5de5

I'm not sure it will work with your family, but with my mom what finally got her to back off was telling her I had done a ton of research and it all says breastfeeding and cloth diapering is best for babies then added "I'm sure you researched and did what they said was best when you had me, that's all I'm doing."  What are they going to do say no they didn't do what was best for you?

Dr.Loretta

Um, quit talking to them about it. They can't have any ammunition if you don't provide it. If you have found people who are supportive of you, talk to them and leave your family out of it. Period.

GL and welcome.

dee1369

My mother and father are not very supportive of my decision to CD and my mom for some reason is convinced that I will not be able to BF. I don't talk to her about it unless she asks a question. I've found support in other people (my MIL, my grandmother etc) and talk to them instead.

You're making healthy decisions for your child. Don't let her ruin your resolve. 

RayRay007

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I would probably try to agree to disagree and not bring up the subject. If they bring it up, tell them you don't wish to discuss it. Sometimes, there is no use wasting your time and energy trying to convince some people of some things. Be

RayRay007

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I would probably try to agree to disagree and not bring up the subject. If they bring it up, tell them you don't wish to discuss it. Sometimes, there is no use wasting your time and energy trying to convince some people of some things. Be confident in your decision, and don't let them get in your head.

lulu3061

It sounds like you are much more confidant in your beliefs now and hopefully that means you are able to stand by them a little bit easier, having overbearing and unsupporting family must be very difficult.

I would just leave the topic alone, it's not open for discussion, therefor they have no right to an opinion as far as I'm concerned.  Just don't bring it up, if they try to then just let them know that you heard their concerns last time, you've considered them and are still confidant in your decision and that it's not up for discussion.  Whatever you do, don't let them bait you into an argument and don't sway...you're the parent, not them. 

theamymarie

My family was very leery of my decision to CD and it was very frustrating.  However, once I showed my mother all of the new types of cloth diapers there are on the market and showed her the amount of money I was saving she became incredibly supportive.

stephkay

Wow. It makes me so sad to hear this. I will never understand what these people have against breastfeeding and/or CDing!

To anyone that tells a breastfeeding mother that her baby is not getting enough food, well, I'd like to kick them in the head. Seriously?! Moms have enough to think about without morons planting seeds of doubt. Ugh! Anyway...

My husband's favorite response is, "You had your chance to raise your child(ren) the way you want, now it's my turn."

papie

I'm sorry.    My mom is not supportive of CDs but I told her she used what she wanted with her kids, I use what I want with mine, end of story.  As for BFing, I'm so angry for you.  I would have probably stopped speaking at my mother for that to be honest.  My mom doesn't support feeding on demand and keeps trying to sneak in the paci when DD wakes up, but she knows she'll hear an ear full when I catch her.  

Your baby, your decisions.  Nobody will support you or agree with you, but you don't have to listen to their b*tching either.   

MWoodside

I just didn't really discuss it with people IRL.  I knew what most people would say & I didn't want to hear it.  If someone brougth up diapers directly I'd just say we were cloth diapering & if they asked why I'd explain my rationale.  A few people said haha yeah right we'll see how long it lasts, etc.  I didn't retort.  I knew we'd stick with it.  Good luck!  It's actually super easy & we love it.

MrsTechie

When I get a negative reaction to our desire to CD, my reply depends on the person I'm speaking to.

With strangers, or near-strangers, I generally explain a few of the main points- the technology has come a long way, the cost savings is amazing, the environmental impact is phenomenal.

With family and friends, if they're being negative to the point that they're annoying me, I generally ask them "And what do you know about cloth diapers?" It shuts them up pretty quickly.

mchupie

Wow, I am so sorry everyone around you is being like this.  Keep in mind that the majority of mothers throughout the world breastfeed and use cloth diapers, and they have for hundreds and hundreds of years

Jennicap

family can sometimes really suck! I heard comments like yours, my favorite was "its not going to last" and "they are so hard" now I hear how "cute" they are and "your saving so much money" and "I didn't know they were so easy to use"

In my head though I'm saying "F you all I told you so" lol

MawrtyrB

I expected a lot more trouble from my family than I actually got, except on the circumcision issue. I got alot of the "we'll see how long that lasts"comments from coworkers especially with the cloth diapering. Well not only did it go really well for DD but I then cloth diapered the twins and for a short while had all three in cloth diapers.

#1 it's doable even when you work out of the house.
#2 And as long as your primary sitter or husband is on board then it's manageable (it took DH a few months to get on board but he got there).
#3 my CD babies had way less rash than any of my friends babies.

I stuck with pockets exclusively except for KL0s for the first month of newborn time. I have some with velcro to make it easier for sitters. I made it a habit to try NOT to discuss my CD unless I had something in hand to show as a visual aid. Once people saw how cool the pockets were, 80% of them backed down and thought it was awesome. The whole pins and prefold prejudice runs strong. The remaining issue with most people is just the washing of the diapers, which no one but me does. I tell them about my diaper sprayer so poop goes where poop should go and it's not so bad. For the rest of the naysayers,I just smile and say we'll see. And I've proven them all wrong.

And breastfeeding---how dare they attack you on that one! I forbid there to even be formula in my house and I hid the bottles. And my babies pretty much never left my sight especially at the hospital so the nurses couldn't give them formula either. You can work and breastfeed. My twins are 11 months old and still breastfed. They've never had formula and never will. I rented a hospital grade pump to keep at work and I pump 3 times a day. It's disruptive at work but it's for my babies. I have really healthy babies. As inconvenient as it is, we've made it work, even with a few business trips thrown into the mix.