I give up - PTing — The Bump
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I give up - PTing

After 6 months we finally had O completely potty trained during the day.  He stayed that way for 2 whole months.  And then the poop accidents started.  We shrugged it off at first but then it was happening every day.  I can't figure a way to stop it.  

He just does not see anything negative with going in his pants.  We've tried everything including putting him back in pullups and diapers.  He loves it when we do that because it means that he no longer has to stop playing to pee in the potty either.  He'd happily wear those every day.  We've tried taking away privileges but that hasn't worked either.  I can not find any incentive for him to go back to pooping in the potty.  

He very matter of factly told me yesterday, "Mom, when I poop in my pants you can just change me".  It's no big deal to him and he doesn't see why it's a big deal for us.  If he were younger I'd just give up on this potty thing for a while but he's 3 years 7 1/2 months, plenty old enough for me to no longer be changing his diaper.  I don't know what to do. 

Re: I give up - PTing

  • have you tried having him be naked and seeing how he reacts when he poops on himself?
  • Oh no!! Poor you.  Before being 100% potty trained I flat out told Gideon, "you're too old for me to be changing your diapers"....specifically on a changing table where he could barely fit, I also said "you're too big for me to change you on this".  Funny when I am changing the baby out and about he seems to remember that conversation because he says, "I'm too big for that, I don't fit"...lol. 

    Does peer pressure work? Like mentioning that his friend "so, and so" doesn't poop in his pants?  Or how about not letting him go to a favorite place because it's for big kids who use the potty?

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  • image kat.in.the.hat:
    have you tried having him be naked and seeing how he reacts when he poops on himself?

    If he is anything like Gabriel he would poop and run.  Not quite the same as potty unless it is runny.  Have you thought about not changing him.  Maybe let him sit in it for a while.  Not too long, but just long enough to be annoying.

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  • image charlotteL:

    image kat.in.the.hat:
    have you tried having him be naked and seeing how he reacts when he poops on himself?

    If he is anything like Gabriel he would poop and run.  Not quite the same as potty unless it is runny.  Have you thought about not changing him.  Maybe let him sit in it for a while.  Not too long, but just long enough to be annoying.

     I don't think he'd poop on himself.  He has complete control.  I think he'd either actually go on the potty or he'd just hold it all day until I put pants on him at night.  He used to do that when we were training him.  

     I'm thinking of maybe forcing him to do some of the clean up himself.  I have to resign myself to the fact that he'll likely get it all over himself in the process but maybe he'll decide he doesn't want to do it again.  He thinks the poop is disgusting. 

  • Is there an event or place he loves or maybe a toy he really wants that isn't too expensive?  Maybe he can be motivated by a sticker chart to earn that item or the experience (trip to movie or CEC, specific Thomas train, etc).  Maybe if he poops on the potty a certain number of days in a row?
  • No ideas here. We went through something similar and finally he stopped, mostly due to pressure at school. He still pees himself almost daily- not enough to have to change his pants, just enough to be wet. This happens when he doesn't want to stop what he's doing. Like O, Tru sees nothing wrong with it. It's an impossibly frustrating situation.

    As far as the no pants, I have the same thought you did. I think b/c our kids are older and have already been trained, that trick won't work. Tru would hold it or go on the potty, then next time he was wearing pants, he would pee again. He just.doesn't.care.

    I will say, one thing that helped for a while was having to leave a birthday party. He was wet and I just said we're going home. He was really upset and careful after that BUT that was also when he started peeing <just enough> to relieve the pressure without having it be enough to have to change his pants.

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  • image rayskit10:

    pees himself almost daily- not enough to have to change his pants, just enough to be wet. This happens when he doesn't want to stop what he's doing. Like O, Tru sees nothing wrong with it. It's an impossibly frustrating situation.

    This is Sarah.  She still does this, although it's gotten better recently.  So we're cruising towards 5 with wet panties. 

    I have no suggestions regarding O's pooping situation.  Just wanted to offer sympathy because that sounds super frustrating.

     

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  • Isn't it all really two parts? potty training mechanics (easy-ish) and then socializing about potty/not going in your pants/stopping what you're doing to go potty.

    The second part is harder. It goes along with everything else they get stubborn about at this age. Trying to get them to nap, for instance - dog tired, but oh, no, they don't need a nap...

    Since going to preschool, we've had two times where he's come into the car with wet pants. He didn't want to stop playing to use the potty. There really isn't anything I can do - he just has to come to the conclusion that it's uncool.

    If you figure out how to control a 3-year-old, let me know.

    Hugs to you; the frustrating acts of the 3-4 year set are shared by many.

  • Thank you all so much.  I'm so glad I posted this.  Sometimes I feel like I must have the most difficult child in the whole world.  I'm glad to see this is somewhat normal, even though it is more than frustrating.

     I had a long talk with my daycare provider today and we decided it's just not worth an epic battle.  If he continues to poop in his pants over the weekend, which he did today, he'll just have to go back in pullups for a while until he's ready to try again.   

  • image savannah11:

    Thank you all so much.  I'm so glad I posted this.  Sometimes I feel like I must have the most difficult child in the whole world.  I'm glad to see this is somewhat normal, even though it is more than frustrating.

     I had a long talk with my daycare provider today and we decided it's just not worth an epic battle.  If he continues to poop in his pants over the weekend, which he did today, he'll just have to go back in pullups for a while until he's ready to try again.   

    As usual, Lilycat has supremely practical and wise insight.  Savannah, I think there's nothing wrong with putting him back in pullups.  That's exactly what I'd do because you're right - it's not worth an epic battle.  This too shall pass and I bet Calla will take about 30 seconds to potty train, thus making up for what you're going through right now. *hugs*

     

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  • I have no suggestions, but I wanted to share soemthing with you.  lol

    My brother was the same way.  An extremely bright and intense little boy.  He drove my mother crazy with the potty training.  He pooped his pants on a regular basis (and yanno, there were no pull ups back then lol) until he started Kindergarten.  The kids made fun of him or something along those lines and he never did it again.  My mom believes it was his last 'line of control' in his little world, so he kept doing it until he realized that it just wasn't 'cool' to do. lol

    I agree with putting him back in pull ups.  If you're going to have to clean it up, it might as well be the easiest way for you to do it.  And as everyone else said, eventually peer pressure will give way and he'll stop.  

     

    ~*~Jenn~*~
  • One thing a friend of mine did was "bribe" her son into going in the potty all the time without him knowing.  She called her DH and stood where she knew DS could hear her and said there was this super cool Spiderman toy (he's obsessed with Spiderman) at the toy store that she wants to buy for DS but she can't b/c it's only for big boys who go potty in the toilet all of the time.  When she got off the phone her DS said I want that toy that you told daddy about and she said that she wanted him to have it too, but there's nothing she can do because it's only for big boys who use the potty.  Then every time he did go on the toilet she would say, wow!  If you do that all day all the time then I guess I will be able to get you that toy!

    After a week of that they went to the toy store and got a Spiderman toy and he's been going in the potty ever since! 

    Abbie Rose 9.26.2004
    Collin Thayne 10.11.2010
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  • Man, we too are at a loss.  Hannah will be 4 in 4 months, and she still won't use the toilet unless we remind her, and even then she fights it a lot of the time.  We can't put her in pull-ups, because she's supposed to be potty trained to go to school.  (She usually does okay at school, because they go in big groups several times a day.)  If she does have an accident, she'll walk around all day in wet and poo-filled underwear without a thought.  I've thought about making her clean herself up, but then I'll end up with crap all over the bathroom and her hands, and probably her clothes...

    Maybe I'll try the Spiderman toy approach.  But with Hello Kitty stuff.

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  • try naked.  It worked for us.  I took off his pullup and I took off his underwear and I said..  you'll be naked until you learn what the potty is for.  I also said, "You don't poop on the floor, we DO NOT do this". 

    it helped immensely.  

    good luck.  

  • image IMFun:

    try naked.  It worked for us.  I took off his pullup and I took off his underwear and I said..  you'll be naked until you learn what the potty is for.  I also said, "You don't poop on the floor, we DO NOT do this". 

    it helped immensely.  

    good luck.  

    Was this for training or regression? 

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  • image rayskit10:
    image IMFun:

    try naked.  It worked for us.  I took off his pullup and I took off his underwear and I said..  you'll be naked until you learn what the potty is for.  I also said, "You don't poop on the floor, we DO NOT do this". 

    it helped immensely.  

    good luck.  

    Was this for training or regression? 

    it was for training but I will do it for regression too.  :) 

    he does like being naked though...  easy access to the things to bop around.  oye! 

  • image IMFun:
    image rayskit10:
    image IMFun:

    try naked.  It worked for us.  I took off his pullup and I took off his underwear and I said..  you'll be naked until you learn what the potty is for.  I also said, "You don't poop on the floor, we DO NOT do this". 

    it helped immensely.  

    good luck.  

    Was this for training or regression? 

    it was for training but I will do it for regression too.  :) 

    he does like being naked though...  easy access to the things to bop around.  oye! 

    It won't work for Truitt. He knows what he needs to do and if he is naked, he will go in the toilet 100% of the time. He knows how. He is potty trained. It's control.

    I actually talked to his teachers about it today at our conference. They said their approach would be to say "you can't do X because you have wet pants" and pretty much leave it at that. If he keeps wanting to, say, sit on the couch, I should keep telling him "you can't sit there with pee pants" and take him off the couch. I can tell him he can go change his pants or not sit where he wants to sit. Today, I told him he could not play at Wonderwild if he peed his pants because their rule was no pee pee on the play area because it's not clean. He went to the bathroom and we had no pee accident this afternoon.

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