My FFFC sorta...vent

gunsofbrixton

   Since having B, I have come to realize I want at least one more. DH does not. Regardless of what he says are the reasons, I know its because of his family. I will try and break it down: MIL has 8 kids, 1 deceased from being murdered. Of those 8 kids, she has 10 grandkids, 1 deceased from suicide. She is a Jehovah's Witness, not knocking the religion at all, but I am Agnostic. But she is constantly talking about what an evil world we live in and how no one needs more than one child. Which is fine, its her opinion.

   But I think, DH believes that her word is the gospel. That because mommy says no one NEEDS more than one child that that means no one WANTS more than one. I also think because his parents are in their late 70s he feels that if we have another in a few years, that the new baby wont get to know his parents as much as B. I think this is incredibly unfair to me and my family.

   I know this sounds like incoherent babbling. In sum, my FFFC is this...I hate having to share my life, not just with DH which I love to do, but I have to share my life and my life decisions with his family.

greengirl0909

I would do my best to talk to DH.  I have always wanted a big family, and DH knew that going in.  After LO was born DH started hinting around that maybe he just wanted 1 baby. My heart broke.  I am a Christian and I believe that I promised to be with this man for the rest of my life, barring abuse.  However, having more children is probably the most important thing in my life right now. I don't think I'd be able to have a happy marriage if I thought we were physically able and didn't have more kids. GL

mrs.vanderwall

So MIL has 8 kids, but you're only allowed to have 1?  That seems hypocritical to me.  And crazy.  It's none of her business how many kids you have, and I think your DH should cut the apron strings and start thinking about what's best for you and your family and not what his mommy is telling him. 

emily0829

Wow. At the sake of sounding snarky... your husband needs to grow a pair and decide whether he doesn't want another child because of his own reasons or because his mommy says so. I would say this regardless of her religion.

I know what you mean about having to share your life. DH comes from a long line of losers, pedophiles, drug addicts, alcholics, lazy a$$ undeserving people.

His mom, actually, has severe mental health issues. She is severely schizophrenic and Bi-polar, yet she also VERY manipulative and vindictive when things don't go her way. I could go on and on about how manipulative she is and how her mental health isn't always a pass to act and simply BE the way that she is, but I'll stop there for the sake of everyone else. But on the same note-- I hate that my mom and her partner always want to include DH's mom in every holiday, every family gathering, every party when all she does is ruin it. My mom recently suggested that Elvis get her and bring her to Thanksgiving. No. I can't do it again. Especially not when it's my DS's first Thanksgiving. It makes me furious that my mom would even suggest it.

ETA: Bahahah! I start venting and forgot where I was. Elvis = DH's name.

nattyncbride

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I hate it when DH's decisions seem to be very colored by his family rather than his own thoughts, and I would be very distraught of a big decision like this was being compromised in this way! I hope you can talk to DH and honestly lay out his concerns.  He might flat out deny it initially, but it might make him see things from your point of view if you were to have this discussion again.  Good luck, and again, I'm sorry, that would totally burn my biscuit!!

gunsofbrixton

mrs.vanderwall:

So MIL has 8 kids, but you're only allowed to have 1?  That seems hypocritical to me.  And crazy.  It's none of her business how many kids you have, and I think your DH should cut the apron strings and start thinking about what's best for you and your family and not what his mommy is telling him. 

Dont get me wrong he is a wonderful man. But youre right the apron strings are still wrapped around his freakin throat. He didnt want to get a house until we bought the one we have from my grandparents who happen to live 8 houses down from them! His family is completely BSC. MIL, i do love, shes not all bad. FIL, AMAZING. But the siblings? One SIL is a felon because she has had 3 DUIs, her son commited suicide. Another SIL is addicted to woman beaters and drug addicts, but shes pretty straight and narrow. One BIL is just an obnoxious a$$hole. Another is a cheating drug addict. And the other two moved out of the state like smart people. Needless to say, I really feel like an outsider.

Hot Sauce on a Stick

I think that your MIL sounds like a hypocrite.

FWIW, after I had DS I couldn't imagine ever having/wanting another one because I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I loved DS. When he was about 2 I realized that I did want another one. It may just take your DH awhile to come around. It's hard to imagine having another baby when you still have a baby, you know?

gunsofbrixton

HotSauceonaStick:

I think that your MIL sounds like a hypocrite.

FWIW, after I had DS I couldn't imagine ever having/wanting another one because I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I loved DS. When he was about 2 I realized that I did want another one. It may just take your DH awhile to come around. It's hard to imagine having another baby when you still have a baby, you know?

YES!!! For months after B was born I was on the no more kids bandwagon. But now I see how temporary the not so fun stuff is and how awesome they are when they learn new things. Im thinking you are correct though.

pleasebeonsale

He's married to you, not his momma. Nuff said.