Things are not going well...please help!

BennyL

Hi ladies,

LO #1 is having a rough time adjusting now that his little brother is here. 

He is having MAJOR tantrums...screaming, kicking, hitting all the time. He had a few before baby came...but nothing remotely like this. Please tell me if this is normal...and if you have any tips.

Thanks in advance.

rgtsmom01

My sister in law just had  a new baby and her oldest was having problems adjusting.  But, within a few weeks she started to come around more and within a month she was fine.  It just takes a little time, and then they will get used to it. 

one_more_girl

My 4 year old is having a harder time than our 1 year old!  He is doing the most ridiculous things to get attention and I feel like were constantly reprimanding him.  He does get plenty of alone time and attention at night too after the girls are asleep we do special games and things with just him.  It's an adjustment no matter what age I think.....

Anyhow...my advice is to deal with his tantrums the same way you would before baby arrived.  Redirect him, ignore him, or whatever you would normally do.  Try to involve him with baby care's, don't exclude him as long as he is behaving well.  Also if you are able do some things with both of them.  I find sometimes if DD1 is having issues I will rock her and the baby at the same time in the chair, one in each arm.  Also maybe try getting him a baby to take care of too?  If you are trying to nurse or feed the baby I have heard some people get special baskets of toys that can come out only at that time and then get put away after so they remain more exciting and special as a distraction. 

It's a hard adjustment but just stick with it and he'll come around!  It takes some time   GL!

Valerie120408

DS1 needed about 1.5 months to adjust, he was very sweet with his brother but had more tantrums and hitting episodes. DH and I make sure to spend one on one time with him, we try to keep bedtime routines as normal as possible although now the baby comes along when we read before bed, we talk about the baby explaining things like oh the baby is hungry etc, and we also read a book about being a big brother, which to my surprise has been very helpful. Things started getting better for us when all visiting family left and when we were able to get back to more familiar routines. It seemed that we just needed to give it time and patience but it was hard. Hope things get better soon!

howleyshell

Get the book:  Parenting the Strong Willed Child by Long and Forehand

 

https://product.half.ebay.com/Parenting-the-Strong-Willed-Child_W0QQtgZinfoQQprZ2213007

 

I'm not saying your guy is "strong willed" but these 5 "steps" made a HUGE difference in my oldest's behavior.

My main take away was narrative play.

 

Seriously - get the book.  It's stuff that's easy to do while juggling a newborn and toddler.  I read it in only 3 nights while nursing the baby.

Made all the difference. 

Gidgetwho

I agree with all PPs.  Also, make sure to recognize when he is behaving appropriately (i.e. thank you for listening, you are being so patient, etc...).  My second isn't here yet, but I know that recognition of good behavior is sometimes more effective than discipline of bad behavior.  Good luck.