what cracks me up is i totally dont even have to deal with this issue if my birthplan goes as i'm hoping and i have a nice healthy home birth. no such thing as "homecoming clothes" :-D just another win
I would maybe put the outfit on the baby and take pictures, but only you two are going to know what the baby really comes home in. You have to consider the sentimental value and compromise a little. It is a sweet jesture and I would take that into consideration, on the same note it is YOUR baby and you decide. I would take pics in the hospital, but take your baby home in your outfit. Dont sweat the small stuff, I know, I would sometimes let it consume me. I have a mother in law that would do the same thing, she even cut my daughters hair.
Congratulations best wishes to you and your family!
Is there a professional photographer at your hospital? Maybe you could do a few shots in it, and give those pics to the ILs. I wouldn't change your coming home outfit - But if it's going to be a big thing, I'd have DH tell them. (They're his parents!)
Are they going to be there for the coming home? If not I would totally say you HAD it on the LO, but little one peed/pooed/puked on it and you were forced to change the outfit:-)
Granted, think about how important the outfit you have chosen is to you, and she is probably feeling the same way about this family heirloom. Not saying you should change your plans, but at least you might be able to understand how she is feeling.
You should stick to your guns, especially since you mentioned that they've tried to put in their two cents about your wedding.
Don't make to much of a big deal with your husband, plus he was there when you both picked out the clothes to take baby "LO" in. Keep in mind this is your moment not your IL's. So do what feel right for you & your husband.
I also feel that they should not have came with their own expectations of what your child should wear home. They should have asked you what you had planned and then asked if youwanted to carry on the tradition.
But if you wanted to consider their feeling and not too uptight about it, then yes have "LO" wear ONLY the booties home - this way if you turley care about their feelings - it would show through that gesture.
Keep in mind they are happy to be grandparents and you don't want to isolate them to much.
I disagree with some of the other post. I feel that no one should have expectations for someone else. This is your baby and you should be the one making the decisions about what you want it to come home in. There's nothing wrong with that.
I would stick with the outfit you already bought, As for the hand-me-down, I don't consider that a hand-me-down. The outfit is something special. I would put LO in the outfit to make your MIL happy. I think having LO wear the booties home is a great idea! I would save the rest for when LO grows into. I would have LO only wear it once and say you would hate for LO to mess it up for future generations. I told my MIL we would be happy to take any of DH's stuff but not his siblings stuff. Then she said we had to return it when done. If we have to return it, was is the point of using it!
do a photo for her. I don't usually suggest giving in to in-laws on this stuff - but three generations of dh's family did this so why would you break it? seeems like a pretty big slap in the face.
i agree. its pretty special, and obviously very emotional for mil. id say, if they are not doing the "coming home from hospital trip" with you, then take some pics of LO in the outfit at the hosp, then use your own outfit for the actual departure. when you get home, take some pics of LO in the car and house in the old outfit and just let mil believe it was the outfit. or admit to her that you compromised, which seems reasonable.
or you can always fib and say that LO got a rash when you put it on him, so he couldnt wear it.
I think that this was a lovely gesture from your MIL. It doesn't sound like she was trying to make any decisions for you but offer you a family heirloom. I personally really value family heirlooms and am sad that there aren't that many from my family and even fewer from DH's family. If the outfit is really that big than gently explain to her that is doesn't fit but that you will use it for another special occassion when LO grows into it. The really important thing here is to express your gratitude to her for sharing this family tradition with you. If you turn your nose up at it, no matter how polite you are, she will sense your disinterest and it will hurt. My DH and I try to live by the saying 'Family always comes first'. family is what is important in life, not a cute new store bought outfit. Oh, and just wash it (make sure to ask MIL if there are special care instructions) to get the 'old' smell out which is probably just a result of it being stored for so long.
Tell her that the outfit is too big and you already have a come home gift. I think taking a picture in it when he'll fit into it is a good idea and then you could have it framed in one of those keepsake boxes and hang it in his room. You could include the picture of him wearing it too. It sounds it isn't really fit to wear anymore. That would make it easier to pass down to future generations if you wanted too.
My in laws have been trying to give me things for the baby for months now!
It's funny you know, I had to really check myself because I am not usually so picky about materialistic things. This pregnancy (my third) is a little different for me in that we are a little better established, and are able to pick out the colors of the nursery furniture and actually have what we want. So when they offered me a perfectly nice crib in the wrong stain I had a really hard time. Both with my own silly rational- with it not matching and how horrible it would feel to say no thanks.
She kept asking about it and letting me know that it was there when I was ready to take it. I finally had my husband tell her that I was excited about picking out the crib that I had my heart set on this time. There is also an old cradle that has been offered several times from his aunt. It was hand made by an uncle at some point and has been used for a few babies in the family, but frankly it's rickety and unsafe. My mother in law did give me the knitted outfit that my husband came home from the hospital in, and I think I'll use it because it will be special for her.
This is number three for me though, and I may not be so open minded about the first outfit if it were my first child. You do what you want. This is your child, and your experience.
i would do something with it-- after hand washing it or having it cleaned to get the old smell out. maybe wear the sweater over his other outfit as a jacket if it's cold when you bring him home and the sweater will be big anyway. i think they will understand if you make an effort to use it, but the clothes are too big. I'd try to do something that day (and photograph it) and maybe use all the pieces in a photo when he's bigger.
it would bother me if she had purchased a brand new outfit and was trying to tell you what to bring your baby home in-- but i think they mean well and are just being sentimental by sharing an "heirloom" outfit that has been worn for three generations.
exactly what I was thinking! Maybe the booties, or the sweater along with your outfit that you chose. Sounds to me like the intention was not controlling (like wedding plans), but sweet and just a family tradition.
FWIW I have a similar dilemma, so it was nice to read peoples opinions!
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I think you should get it dry cleaned and say to IL , it is way too special to wear as the coming home outfit, let's save it for a big family gathering when we will be a bit more 'awake' rather than just getting back from the hospital and more able to take lots of cute photos.
I think going down the 'we've already got something picked out ' sounds a little spoilt and ungreateful (sorry )
i dont see what the big deal is to not put him in the outfit? i mean its one day.. and its has been done for 3 generations already.. even if you hate it i would still do it.. it seems like a big deal for them..
I'm with you. But personally I don't see what the big deal is with 'coming home outfits'. When the hospital comes to take pictures, take them in the outfit you chose, and then do one at the end with the family outfit. They'll always have that keepsake, and you'll have yours. IMO I would be extremely offended if I was in your MIL's situation, to break a 3 generation tradition just because you don't like something. One picture is all you need to keep the peace.
I would just say how special it is, at the hospital explain that the hand me downs were too big if anyone says something, and then when they do fit, snap a quick picture and send it to them. That way the baby only wears it for 5 minutes and nobody's feelings are hurt.... if they wonder why they never see them in it just say that you dont want them to spit up on or stain something so special.
The outfit does sound pretty special. Three generations is a big deal and you child may want to be part of this chain when he/she reaches adulthood. That said, I don't think you need to use it as the coming home outfit. If you don't want to hurt the IL's feelings, just say it didn't fit (since you mentioned it looked big). I agree with the other folks that you should use it in an important event and photo op later.
I hate to be the one that disagrees ... but I think it's pretty selfish to not use it in some way and decline a gift. (Ok, so I take that back if that wasn't your intention - I just was going on the heading of the post.) It's an outfit that was passed down and used three generations.
Quite frankly, ok - if it's too big to use as coming home outfit, so be it. But let it be something special and give this one to your IL's. Believe me I have bad IL's sometime and even I'd give in to this one.
I guess I'm different and don't understand the necessity of having the perfect coming home outfit. (Not to say that it's wrong, but sometimes - concessions need to be made.)
Edited because of response by OP to PP & spelling.
I'm the same, I don't understand the wanting to have a "special" coming home outfit. It's just clothes, I won't be driving myself bonkers picking one up. If it means a lot to your in-laws, then just do it. Because, unfortunately, if they're looking forward to it and you know that they are, it can be seen as a slap in the face. I'm sure there will be plenty of other occasions for your baby to wear the first outfit you picked out (and if you really don't like the one your IL's gave you, you can have baby wear it once and be done!)
I was in a similar predicament. Except the outfit my mom wanted me to put DD was one that she had knitted and took home my brothers and I in.It was a sweet little yellow number, but at first I hated the idea of it. it looked old and I had a really cute outfit picked out, my mother was heartbroken when I told her I had another outfit picked, my SIL also told her she didn't want it for my neice 2 years ago. the hubby and I discussed it and realized that the trip from the hospital was the best time for her to wear it. (Besides, it doesn't matter what your LO is wearing, as long as they are coming home right?) The outfit I had wanted didn't seem like a big deal when I realized that I was taking that precious baby home. I took a few pictures of her in the car, and when we got home. After about 15 min of her being home I changed her into the outfit that I had originally picked out. everyone was happy. Besides, I'm happy I used my old outfit, no one else child will ever wear it, and I can tell DD that the outfit she came home in, so did I. When a family has a tradition, it means a lot, at least give her the curteousy of letting her actually see LO in the outfit (and you can always say that LO could only wear it home from the hospital because it is old, making LO uncomfortable, etc.). My suggestion, hand wash or dry clean the outfit, put LO in it for the car ride home, take some pictures and change. You MIL will appreciate it forever, and you'll be happy you did it.
If I could figured out how to attach a picture I would, DD looked adorable, and I love comparing my picture with hers.
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Re: Is there a way to politely decline a passed down gift....?
I would maybe put the outfit on the baby and take pictures, but only you two are going to know what the baby really comes home in. You have to consider the sentimental value and compromise a little. It is a sweet jesture and I would take that into consideration, on the same note it is YOUR baby and you decide. I would take pics in the hospital, but take your baby home in your outfit. Dont sweat the small stuff, I know, I would sometimes let it consume me. I have a mother in law that would do the same thing, she even cut my daughters hair.
Congratulations best wishes to you and your family!
Can you put it on long enough to take a picture then take it off?
I mean, will your MIL be there when you come home from the hospital? If not, I'd suggest just using it for a photo op and moving on, you know?
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Are they going to be there for the coming home? If not I would totally say you HAD it on the LO, but little one peed/pooed/puked on it and you were forced to change the outfit:-)
Granted, think about how important the outfit you have chosen is to you, and she is probably feeling the same way about this family heirloom. Not saying you should change your plans, but at least you might be able to understand how she is feeling.
Good luck!
You should stick to your guns, especially since you mentioned that they've tried to put in their two cents about your wedding.
Don't make to much of a big deal with your husband, plus he was there when you both picked out the clothes to take baby "LO" in. Keep in mind this is your moment not your IL's. So do what feel right for you & your husband.
I also feel that they should not have came with their own expectations of what your child should wear home. They should have asked you what you had planned and then asked if you wanted to carry on the tradition.
But if you wanted to consider their feeling and not too uptight about it, then yes have "LO" wear ONLY the booties home - this way if you turley care about their feelings - it would show through that gesture.
Keep in mind they are happy to be grandparents and you don't want to isolate them to much.
i agree. its pretty special, and obviously very emotional for mil. id say, if they are not doing the "coming home from hospital trip" with you, then take some pics of LO in the outfit at the hosp, then use your own outfit for the actual departure. when you get home, take some pics of LO in the car and house in the old outfit and just let mil believe it was the outfit. or admit to her that you compromised, which seems reasonable.
or you can always fib and say that LO got a rash when you put it on him, so he couldnt wear it.
I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My in laws have been trying to give me things for the baby for months now!
It's funny you know, I had to really check myself because I am not usually so picky about materialistic things. This pregnancy (my third) is a little different for me in that we are a little better established, and are able to pick out the colors of the nursery furniture and actually have what we want. So when they offered me a perfectly nice crib in the wrong stain I had a really hard time. Both with my own silly rational- with it not matching and how horrible it would feel to say no thanks.
She kept asking about it and letting me know that it was there when I was ready to take it. I finally had my husband tell her that I was excited about picking out the crib that I had my heart set on this time. There is also an old cradle that has been offered several times from his aunt. It was hand made by an uncle at some point and has been used for a few babies in the family, but frankly it's rickety and unsafe. My mother in law did give me the knitted outfit that my husband came home from the hospital in, and I think I'll use it because it will be special for her.
This is number three for me though, and I may not be so open minded about the first outfit if it were my first child. You do what you want. This is your child, and your experience.
Good luck!
exactly what I was thinking! Maybe the booties, or the sweater along with your outfit that you chose. Sounds to me like the intention was not controlling (like wedding plans), but sweet and just a family tradition.
FWIW I have a similar dilemma, so it was nice to read peoples opinions!
I think you should get it dry cleaned and say to IL , it is way too special to wear as the coming home outfit, let's save it for a big family gathering when we will be a bit more 'awake' rather than just getting back from the hospital and more able to take lots of cute photos.
I think going down the 'we've already got something picked out ' sounds a little spoilt and ungreateful (sorry
)
I'm with you. But personally I don't see what the big deal is with 'coming home outfits'. When the hospital comes to take pictures, take them in the outfit you chose, and then do one at the end with the family outfit. They'll always have that keepsake, and you'll have yours. IMO I would be extremely offended if I was in your MIL's situation, to break a 3 generation tradition just because you don't like something. One picture is all you need to keep the peace.
I'm the same, I don't understand the wanting to have a "special" coming home outfit. It's just clothes, I won't be driving myself bonkers picking one up. If it means a lot to your in-laws, then just do it. Because, unfortunately, if they're looking forward to it and you know that they are, it can be seen as a slap in the face. I'm sure there will be plenty of other occasions for your baby to wear the first outfit you picked out (and if you really don't like the one your IL's gave you, you can have baby wear it once and be done!)
pretty much agree with everyone.. let him wear at least once but not to come home in...
although your feelings aren't wrong its special to pick out that first outfit your baby comes in.
I was in a similar predicament. Except the outfit my mom wanted me to put DD was one that she had knitted and took home my brothers and I in.It was a sweet little yellow number, but at first I hated the idea of it. it looked old and I had a really cute outfit picked out, my mother was heartbroken when I told her I had another outfit picked, my SIL also told her she didn't want it for my neice 2 years ago. the hubby and I discussed it and realized that the trip from the hospital was the best time for her to wear it. (Besides, it doesn't matter what your LO is wearing, as long as they are coming home right?) The outfit I had wanted didn't seem like a big deal when I realized that I was taking that precious baby home. I took a few pictures of her in the car, and when we got home. After about 15 min of her being home I changed her into the outfit that I had originally picked out. everyone was happy. Besides, I'm happy I used my old outfit, no one else child will ever wear it, and I can tell DD that the outfit she came home in, so did I. When a family has a tradition, it means a lot, at least give her the curteousy of letting her actually see LO in the outfit (and you can always say that LO could only wear it home from the hospital because it is old, making LO uncomfortable, etc.). My suggestion, hand wash or dry clean the outfit, put LO in it for the car ride home, take some pictures and change. You MIL will appreciate it forever, and you'll be happy you did it.
If I could figured out how to attach a picture I would, DD looked adorable, and I love comparing my picture with hers.
lets try this...
one more...