So, what do you feel is a major factor in deciding to divorce?

meghans30

I come from divorced parents who both remarried and divorced again. They separated when I was 4, so it is all I have ever really known. My DH and I are going on 6 years of marriage and 8 of being together.

It's not all rainbows and puppies. The "lust" factor has pretty disappeared and our lives pretty much revolve around our 2 young kids with a date night thrown in every once and a while. With that said, I hope we are together 20+ years from now. He is a wonderful father, husband and friend. I can't imagine being with someone else or having to split my time with the kids.

So, for those of you who are divorced or are going through a divorce, what led you to this decision?  

sooosie

Well, my ex-H cheated on me.  Soooooooo yeah.  But then I married his friend and had the two children you see below crushing my internal organs.  It all worked out.

TwoChickens

My exH was/is a complete douche bag in every sense of the word.

beanzer

My first husband cheated on me and when I confronted him on where he was one night when I came home early and he was not home, he walked out on me and moved in with her.

I was the very first person in my family to divorce. ?I am very lucky that my forever husband was not put off by the fact that I was divorced.

Yes, I call my current husband my forever husband.

r9stedt

beanzer:

Yes, I call my current husband my forever husband.

love that!! 

beanzer

r9stedt:

beanzer:

Yes, I call my current husband my forever husband.

love that!!?

Just shows there is a prince out there for everyone!

jettagurl

I'm not divorced, but come from divorced parents.  For them, it was a two way street....they each had their 'job' (mom- childcare and dad-provider) and just co-habitated.  They solely were together to raise a family and not to be partners.  I think partially they had a poor example in my grandfather (paternal). He lost his wife when his kids were 12, 10, 10 days.  He married another widow (or widower?) with a16 yr old because she would make a good mom....he had no clue what to do with a baby or how to parent children, and they were married within weeks.  So that is what my father knew.  What sparked the divorce was my mom cheating on my dad.  She married that guy shortly after, and my dad went to counseling.  He married my stepmom a yr later.  They now have a fabulous marriage and she's one of my best friends now.  My mom has since divorced (and he passed away) and she's been in a long-term relationship for over a year and, finally, very happy.  

I had a lot of hangups when we went to premarital counseling.  I was clingy.  I thought that always going alone to the grocery store would lead to divorce.  I was terrified of divorce, quite frankly, and over analyzed everything.  Now that we have our own family, we've had some down moments, but I'm much more comfortable and secure in our marriage. Now, we see the example of my dad/stepmom, and we are able to see that they disagree, travel separately, and have different interests - but also the respect and love they have for each other is the strong foundation.  

Sorry, that got wordy.   

Temp108743750006959

Often I think it's the snowball effect...like, it wasn't so great while dating but suddenly you own a couch together and a dog and you know his mom,etc. And it's like a snowball down a mountain--- it's gotten so big the next logical step is marriage...and you don't know how to get out without hurting people. My dh knew his first marriage was over on their honeymoon...they stuck it out for six more years

r9stedt

vccake:

Often I think it's the snowball effect...like, it wasn't so great while dating but suddenly you own a couch together and a dog and you know his mom,etc. And it's like a snowball down a mountain--- it's gotten so big the next logical step is marriage...and you don't know how to get out without hurting people.  

So true.

meghans30

vccake:

Often I think it's the snowball effect...like, it wasn't so great while dating but suddenly you own a couch together and a dog and you know his mom,etc. And it's like a snowball down a mountain--- it's gotten so big the next logical step is marriage...and you don't know how to get out without hurting people.My dh knew his first marriage was over on their honeymoon...they stuck it out for six more years

This describes my relationship with my ex fiance. When he proposed after 5 years of dating, he said "My parents said that this is what I should do." Hello, major red flag, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He became emotionally abusive and we ended our relationship 2 months before the wedding. I often think that my life would be so different right now had we got married. 

mamarazzi

My parents aren't divorced, but should be.  My mom is miserable and I don't think anything would make my dad happy.  She tried to leave him when I was a freshman in college and he flipped his sh!t on us kids while she was at the attorney's office, screamed in my face and poked at me until I was cornered in a closet and told me it was all my fault and that my mom would never get custody of us (I was 18.  My sisters were 15 and 11.  He's an alchoholic.  There's no way he would have gotten custody.)  But, the whole situation scared my mom so much -- getting a taste of how nasty it could all go -- that she decided not to go through with it.

I swore I would never be that woman -- the one who couldn't leave an ugly relationship and give her kids a better life.  If my H ever treated me the way my dad has treated my mom or acted toward our kids the way my dad acted toward us, I'd be OUT.  Beyond that, cheating and lying would make me want to leave, too.  Our "spark" fizzles and flares and that's fine -- I think romance can be rekindled.  But, if someone just isn't a good person -- whether that's who he was when you married or it's someone he becomes -- I don't know how to rebound from that.

EdithBouvierBeale

r9stedt:

beanzer:

Yes, I call my current husband my forever husband.

love that!! 

that's hilarious!! I call my current husband my First Husband (he hates it!)

bell0niner

I realized that my ex didn't care if I was happy and I had made his happiness a major priority.  Then he did something that made it clear to me that not only did he not care if I was happy, but that he would put his instant gratification above everything including our family's future and stability.  I wasn't happy and we fought A LOT.  I decided that I didn't want DS to grow up thinking that this was how people who "love each other" treat one another.  I have found and married my forever hubby and he is AMAZING with my son (make that our son, b/c that's exactly how he treats DS) and we are expecting our 1st together in March.  I knew then and am reassured every day that I made the best decision for myself and my child(ren).  I cannot properly describe how blessed I am.

Andrewsgal

EdithBouvierBeale:

r9stedt:

beanzer:

Yes, I call my current husband my forever husband.

love that!! 

that's hilarious!! I call my current husband my First Husband (he hates it!)

So do I!. It does not really bother him, then I tell him I married for love this time but next time it will be money!

shouldbworkin

Parents are divorced - they definitely got divorce b/c of the snowball effect.  They were young, had no real prospects (mom's parents wouldn't send her to college, dad's parents didn't really support him going to college to become a professional and he was working in the family business) and wanted to move out and get on with their lives.  They had kids b/c that was the next logical step, not b/c they really wanted them.  They had a 3rd child b/c my dad really wanted a son, not b/c they really wanted or could handle another child.  They had very different opinions on spending/saving money.  By the time we were in middle school and high school they could hardly talk to each other b/c so much resentment had built up.  No amount of counseling could help them b/c they didn't want to change or think they should.  They had very different ideas about gender roles in marriage and were "growing up" in a time when roles were drastically changing for women ... they didn't handle this change well at all. 

My mom finally pulled the plug about a year before I was going off to college, mostly b/c she didn't want to be alone with my dad and younger sister once my older sister and I were out of the house.  I think she knew it would be really harmful to my sister to be in that environment and my mom had no interest in having a relationship with my dad w/o her kids there to buffer her. 

I hope to G-d that by the time my kids are going off to college that I'm excited to spend lots of time with MH again.

achase123

I had extreme circumstances that lead to me ultimately deciding to file.  I discovered that XH was basically living another life (doing drugs and cheating) while I was pg. 

IMO, in your situation, it sounds like you might benefit from counseling or perhaps a vacation with the two of you to reconnect.  Divorce is horrible and being a single parent is tough.  I didn't come to the decision lightly but basically I didn't have any other options.