DH thinking about joining the Navy

babygreen10

We are 28 and just had our first LO.  He has a bachelors degree and has been with his company for 5 years but isn't going anywhere.  He thinks he will be able to provide a better life for us by joining, better pay, less of a fear of losing his job, more "stability". 

I'm not going to lie, it scares me to death and I'm afraid about so many things.  What do you ladies think?  If it was your DH how would you feel?  If your SO is in the military what do I need to know?

TIA! 

barharborbride

My DH was in the navy but got out a few years ago after he broke his back and could no longer do the phyiscal tests.

First here are some pros about the navy: he always has a job. will always get paid. Will always have health care and you get help with housing when you move etc. there are many careers in the navy and he could go in as an officer rather than enlisted which is better, however, he would still have to do bootcamp etc. You do have the opportunity to see the world.

 The cons: he could be deployed with a ship for quite a bit of time. Time off doesn't always come through and can be changed at a minute's notice if there's a crisis. You can wind up moving a lot, which can make it hard for you to keep a job, however, you may not need a job if he makes enough money and if, say, you live in cheaper base housing. He may not like his job in the navy they assign him (basically they decide what you'll be good at you don't get to totally pick) and if he hates it he can't just quit... he has to serve his time. They also offer lucrative signing offers to get you to serve more time, which may seem good at the time but not if you really, really want to return to civilian life but signed on for more time. Also, it will be hard to see your family if you have to travel home to them.

 I suggest you both really discuss it. Are you willing to be a navy wife? what does that mean exactly? Ask a recruiter to speak with some wives that have been in for a long time, they will be honest with you about what to expect. There are good parts and bad part, you both honestly just have to decide if it will work for you. Hope that helps and good luck!

Violet_McPurpleson

In my honest opinion this is something that should only be entered into before marriage/children. You didn't marry into the military. You were not expecting to ever have to deal with deployments, moving all the time, ect. Is there a chance your relationship could survive? Sure, but it's more likely that you will grow to resent his decision and the upheaval it causes in your lives.

I also don't see how it will provide better pay, but I don't know the details of your financial situation. 

If it were MH I would not be supportive, but he knows that. Has the possibility of him joining the military come up before, or did he just suddenly spring it on you?

orangedaisy85

Big decision. I'm an Air Force wife. Along with the thoughts on your DH's job, think of you being a military wife. It's a major commitment. You have to be willing to play pretty much single mom at some point. There's always a chance of training that could mean weeks away or deployments which is months. Definitely have a heart to heart about it.

rubredvelvet

I told DH I would leave him if he joined any sort of armed forces - half kidding (half not).

I couldn't live like that, but thats me. It works out just fine for some

mommaJen10

My H is in the Army.  He is leaving for training in a few weeks and will miss out on a lot of DD's life.  When this training is over we are moving to TX and ALL of our family will be at least 17,000 miles away.  Being a military wife is HARD but I think worth it. There is a lot of pros like job stability, great pay and benefits, and getting to travel. There are also a lot of cons.  You and your DH need to talk about how the Navy will affect your marriage.  He will not always be able to put you and the family first, even when he wants to.  DH is an officer too and some things are better b/c of that but some things are made harder too.  I guess what I am trying to say is it all depends on the marriage and the people.  Think really hard about this decision.

mollylila

I married DH while he was navy reserves.. he was active duty 8 years.

 

He is deployed right now. He left for training halfway through my pregnancy, and missed the birth and will be gone for DD's first year. It can be a huge sacrifice.

 

But I am SO proud of my husband and have so much respect for him and what he does, Yes, it would be wonderful to have him home... but I feel so blessed to have a husband who feels fulfilled by what he does. 

 

Ultimately, the decision is one that affects the whole family. But there are many benefits- stability, health coverage, sense of community, ability to see the world, becoming a stronger YOU... I have grown so much as a person while DH has been gone.

 

Well GL to you and your family! 

fotobird

mollylila:

I married DH while he was navy reserves.. he was active duty 8 years.

 

He is deployed right now. He left for training halfway through my pregnancy, and missed the birth and will be gone for DD's first year. It can be a huge sacrifice.

 

But I am SO proud of my husband and have so much respect for him and what he does, Yes, it would be wonderful to have him home... but I feel so blessed to have a husband who feels fulfilled by what he does. 

 

Ultimately, the decision is one that affects the whole family. But there are many benefits- stability, health coverage, sense of community, ability to see the world, becoming a stronger YOU... I have grown so much as a person while DH has been gone.

 

Well GL to you and your family! 

All of this and it really helps to hone all of your communication... You learn so much about each other on another level that you thought was already explored.

pazrana

As others have mentioned it is a big sacrifice for you as well.  You will have to be a single parent a lot of the time and depending on where/what your dh's job is you may not be able to even talk with him on a regular basis.  My husband works on submarines, so when he is deployed there is very little communication.  I get an occasional email, no pictures or anything else.  Right now he is on shore duty, so no deployments, but he will still be away until Thanksgiving (but at least he can call everyday!).  Also the job thing, it can be hard to find a job every place you move.  I just finished my masters/certification for teaching.  This is a good job to have since you can teach pretty much everywhere, but I won't be able to get tenure anywhere because we'll move every couple of years.  DH and I have been married for 6 years now.  We lived in Georgia for one year, Guam for 3, and now New England for the last 2. I had to leave Guam before DH though because his orders got extended and I had to be back stateside for school.  I left in August and he didn't get here until February.    

That all said, you will not have to worry about insurance or job security for DH which is nice.  Although it can be frustrating, and is definitely not easy, for us it is worth it.  We have gotten to travel all over the place, and loved living overseas.  I can't speak for how it would be to transition into this lifestyle though because DH has been in the military since before we were married.  Did you post this question on the military families board? Those ladies would be able to talk about their experiences.  I'm not sure I would trust a recruiter since it is their job to get people to join, so of course they will only focus on the positives!! Good Luck!

stephanieroyer

Im an Air Force wife. DH was army for 6 years and recently switched over, So he is gone right now for 7 months doing his training all over again.
I wont lie..it isnt easy, and its something you have to be 100% on board with. Because once he joins, you are married to the military, The job comes first, family comes second. You never know when they could leave or for how long. I cant count how many times DH has come home and said something like "something came up.. im leaving tomorrow..be back in a couple weeks..a couple months..." you just never know when its going to happen and when it does, thats its..their gone. We have a 5 year old who is starting to understand concept of time, and its him who suffers the most from daddy being gone. with all the deployments DH has done he's been gone for over half of DS life. So you sacrifice alot, he missed alot of "fist" and alot of birthday..and holidays, and so much that we cant get back. and that part sucks, He doesnt like being away from us anymore than we like him gone, but its got to be done. we signed up for this knowing it would happen, so you just deal.
You NEED a good support system. you NEED to be willing to move. If you're not great at making friends in new places, than it could get tough. Say you move to a new city, and DH deploys a month later.. you need to be able to get out, and do it on your own and have people to talk to. its a must!
Now that being said, i wouldnt change my life for anything..yes i wish DH was home more. but i am SO PROUD of that man and the things he has accomplished He's done alot of cool things, and been to alot of different places all serving his country. He's a good man, and i love him for that. Plus the benefits are amazing.. you're always gonna have a good paycheck,you have great medical coverage (i dont know what it is in the states, but DH is covered 100% for everything medical/ dental, and me and the kids are covered 90%) The military community from what ive experienced is a close one.. you bond with people you meet, because they know what your going through and have been through the same thing.
There are alot of pro's and alot of con's.. but it is something you need to discuss and you BOTH need to be 100% committed. Its not just DH that will be doing this job.. its you too. GL

JoBieger05

rubredvelvet:

I told DH I would leave him if he joined any sort of armed forces - half kidding (half not).

I couldn't live like that, but thats me. It works out just fine for some

Wow.