So MIL wants to host Thanksgiving...WWYD?

stacynikki

Let me preface by saying that I love and adore MIL very much.  But, I'm a bit annoyed that she wants to host it.  I have hosted it for the last several years and it's kind of been my holiday.  I enjoy getting everything ready and having everyone come to our house.  Not to mention that our house is baby proof and has my 3 yo's toys and tons of stuff for the neice and nephew's to play with.  She's actually only been to one Thanksgiving at our house.  Her and my FIL (who passed away this summer) usually go out of town.  We usually have Christmas at her house. 

So, would you tell her that you still wanted to do it?  I mean, we've been finishing up all of our house projects in anticipation of having everyone for Thanksgiving.  I just scheduled the cleaning service to come and clean before everyone came over.  I took the day before Thanksgiving off to start cooking stuff.  But I don't want to step on any toes if she is doing this as a way to take her mind off of FIL. 

But, totally selfish me, I want to host dammit!  And another thing, all the guys on both sides are going to want to watch the game and she only has a tiny TV in a tiny bedroom at the back of her house.  I don't know what to do!??!?!

veloelle

I don't think who hosts Thanksgiving is worth getting upset over. In my family, we switch off each year. If you're that set on it, ask her if she wants to start trading off each year, or ask why she decided to host.

If FIL passed away recently, then she might really just want to be in her house. Since she's most likely still in serious grief mode, I'd let her do whatever she wants for these first holidays w/out her hubby. The first holidays w/out someone can make the living feel lost and grasping for ways to cope/keep that person's memory alive/keep it together through the holidays.

gibs

uhmmmm.... speak to your DH to confirm he agrees with you then have him tell MIL some of what you said above, that you're planning to host it this year, that you can't wait for her to come, and you're looking forward to coming to Xmas at her house?

She probably has no idea you're all in a tizzy.

joseysbride

Maybe you could spin it in a way that you want to help her by having it at your place.  I can totally see why she is wanting to do it, though, with losing your FIL this year.  If you've taken the day before off to prepare, invite her over to help you that day.  Try to include her as much as you can.

penguingrrl

Given the year she's had I'd ask what help she needs and do whatever you an to make this first holiday season after losing FIL as easy for her as possible.   If hosting a crowd will givve her something positive to focus on let her have that.  Spend te day before helping however she needs.

stacynikki

I'm not in a tizzy about it (just venting on the web) and I don't mind talking to her directly about it. I talk to her more then DH does.  We include her in everything we do, we always have, and I would definitely have asked her over the day before to help out.  I just feel like we've developed a tradition with having Thanksgiving at my house with both families (which she would invite as well) and splitting Christmas at her house and my parents house.  Plus, the amount of family coming over would be mostly mine. There would be about 12 of mine and five of DH's with maybe his stepbrother and his wife dropping by for dessert...and that would be a big maybe. 

gibs

then call her up and talk to her about it

maybe she was trying to help you but if she learns you WANT to have it at your house, that'll be fine with her

she's been gone in past years so probably has no idea that you like doing it

stacynikki

gibs:

then call her up and talk to her about it

maybe she was trying to help you but if she learns you WANT to have it at your house, that'll be fine with her

she's been gone in past years so probably has no idea that you like doing it

Wow, Gibs.  Are you sure you're okay?  You may be right!  That makes me feel better about talking to her about it!

Randine_LoveForBirth

I would just tell her that you have anticipated having T day at your house and have already bought some things (even if its a fib ). Then as someone else said, say you would LOVE for her to help you our and maybe next year they can do her house.

lizard76

Let her do it.  I'm a bit biased in my response...my SIL traditionally hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas and when we bought our house, we thought it would be nice to have it at our house.  When I mentioned it to her, you would have thought I was the anti-Christ for suggesting such a thing.  She did "let" me alternate years with her for Thanksgiving but insists on always having Christmas brunch at her house (my DH's fam is all in town).  We just go over when *we* decide to after our own celebration.

wildfloweragain

Dh spent a year changing all holidays the year after his dad died, and MIL was doing the same kind of thing.  If it were for most other reasons, I'd say stick to your guns and have it at your house, but having the same holidays with someone missing makes things worse for them.