Opinion re: MIL

MrsRegis

The other week, MIL stayed with our kids while DH and I attended a work event out of town. She stayed with them Sunday night. DS had had a fever on Saturday. On Sunday, he seemed recovered. No fever that I could tell. I asked her to monitor him for fever. As long as he remained fever-free on Sunday, he could go to school on Monday. We walked her through, step-by-step how to get to school and do drop off...explained that grandma was taking him, but I would be back at lunch time to pick him up. I called her Sunday night to check in. DS did not have a fever. Great! I told her great, he could go to school the next morning.

 Well, the following morning I get a call at 8:30 (when school starts) saying DS didn't want to go to school so she and DS decided he didn't have to go....she 'hoped that was Ok." Uhm. No.  I was very frustrated that DS unnecessarily missed a day of school. In my book, not wanting to go is not a reason not to go. Part of school is learning to be independent and do things even if you 'don't want to'. Mind you, he LOVES school and has only once, in 3 months told us he doesn't want to go. I'm perhaps the most livid that she called after she had made that decision for him....when it was already too late. 

SO. My question is, when you leave your kids with family or a sitter, do you give them full discretion to make decisions like whether to send the kids to school or not....or do you expect them to carry out your wishes? 

meg120510

I would expect them to carry out my wishes.  It is my child.  If they thought otherwise, I would expect them to call me and explain the situation and go from there. 

ali-1411

How old is he?

If we were talking about a kindergarten or older, then yes he should go to school.

But are you really just talking about daycare?  I wouldn't mind about that.  He's little.  Its okay for him to skip now and then.  It was probably fun for him to hang out with Grandma for the day.

mlf625

ali-1411:

But are you really just talking about daycare?  I wouldn't mind about that.  He's little.  Its okay for him to skip now and then.  It was probably fun for him to hang out with Grandma for the day.

That's my thought, too.  However, I'd still be a little frustrated that she didn't follow your directions - you're the parent here, not her.  That said, if it is just a daycare/MDO type thing, I'd probably just let it go and figure she wanted some extra time to love on her grandchild. 

brideonjuly8

mlf625:

ali-1411:

But are you really just talking about daycare?  I wouldn't mind about that.  He's little.  Its okay for him to skip now and then.  It was probably fun for him to hang out with Grandma for the day.

That's my thought, too.  However, I'd still be a little frustrated that she didn't follow your directions - you're the parent here, not her.  That said, if it is just a daycare/MDO type thing, I'd probably just let it go and figure she wanted some extra time to love on her grandchild. 

These were my thoughts as well.  If my mom or MIL did this, I wouldn't think anything of it, really.  If it happened A LOT, then I would say something.

JayandJack

I don't know, even if it's daycare, MDO or school I'd still be mad. You left her instructions on how to care for your child. It's not like she substituted peas for carrots at dinner. If your child was borderline fever then I'd say she did the right thing in keeping him home, as a precaution, but he was fine. Children need routine and to me school isn't an option and he should have gone as long as he was feeling fine. I'd be pissed even if it were the first time. I'm scared that if I let LO stay home "just this once" then he'd expect it the next time she watches him too.

 

misjenn

I guess I am a little laxed here. I think part of grandparents is to spoil and bend the rules a little. Now I am not something major but really it's one day of school. Remember how it was to be able to skip a day of school to spend it doing something special. As long as it was a special exception and not happening frequently I really wouldn't mind. Yes the caregivers are to follow your wishes but really we all need to remember that 1) they are doing us a favor in watching our children 2) unless it's something important we should just lighten up and let it be. JMHO

ETA:One of my fondest memories growing up, was when my aunt and her boyfriend pulled me out of school right before lunch. They took me to lunch, we got the car inspected, went to the library, and the park. It was really one of the funniest times. Yah it doesn't sound exciting but at 8 it was so much fun and special day.

Deltadee

mlf625:

ali-1411:

But are you really just talking about daycare?  I wouldn't mind about that.  He's little.  Its okay for him to skip now and then.  It was probably fun for him to hang out with Grandma for the day.

That's my thought, too.  However, I'd still be a little frustrated that she didn't follow your directions - you're the parent here, not her.  That said, if it is just a daycare/MDO type thing, I'd probably just let it go and figure she wanted some extra time to love on her grandchild. 

I agree verbatim with both of these comments.