LONG vbac/home/water/hypnobirth/7hrs/PERFECT!

LindseyJW · October 2010

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?My Baby, My Baby!?

This is the story of my second child?s birth. It begins with the birth of my first child. In 2006, my husband and I were thrilled to be expecting our first baby. I scheduled an appointment with a doctor who had been my OB/Gyn since I was a teen. I quickly learned that we were not on the same page with regard to how we viewed pregnancy and childbirth ? she was very into medicalized birth, whereas I view birth as one of nature?s miracles that should be allowed to proceed without unnecessary intervention. I transferred my care at 27 weeks to a reputable midwifery practice and loved each of the midwives I met with at the 5-person practice - except one. I dreaded that she would be on call when I went into labor. Sure enough, she was.

After a fully disappointing two-day labor with an incompetent midwife, my posterior baby was born surgically. I was destroyed, both emotionally and physically. I thought I had done all the right things to avoid a hospital stay and to ensure the peaceful homebirth I wanted. I thought having a midwife and staying at home was enough. Yet, there I was, cut open, baby yanked out of me, feeling like a total failure. And while everyone around me cared deeply about my well-being, no one seemed to connect with the pain I felt. I was alone with it in my head, my heart and my soul. Three years later, I sought therapy to finally get passed that depression. This was the beginning of my second child?s birth.

I began hypnotherapy the summer of 2009. Best.Damn.Decision.Ever! I learned to control my brain in a way that seemed almost supernatural. I cleansed my soul, mended my broken heart and restored my maternal confidence. I was ready to embrace another pregnancy. I also learned about hypnobirth. I realized that during the most productive part of my first labor, I was totally focused within; I was calm; I was relaxed; I had given in to what my body was doing - I was hypnobirthing. I decided to learn more and my husband and I took a hypnobirthing class early in our second trimester.

Through the relaxation techniques I learned in hypnobirthing, I was able to connect with my baby in an extremely deep way. I also allowed my soul to tell me the birth imagery that would bring my baby safely into the world. We decided not to find out our baby?s gender, but during hypnosis sessions, I learned that our baby would be a girl, through a birth imagery exercise. I connected with my grandmothers who passed away many many years ago and gained their approval to name my baby girl after them. I felt a much stronger connection to this baby than I did to my first baby. I identified blocks I was holding and was able to release them. I felt calm, grounded and centered throughout this pregnancy and I knew I had the tools I would need to have a successful vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC).

I also took care of myself during this pregnancy. I ate well and exercised regularly; I sought care from a chiropractor and an acupuncturist and had regular massages. Unlike my first pregnancy, I felt in tune with my body and my soul. I also had very few physical discomforts, which I attribute to the balance in my mind, body and soul. I selected a midwife who made me feel comfortable, who understood my background, having had a surgical birth followed by a VBAC at home herself, and who was beyond knowledgeable about pregnancy and birth and who connected with me on a deep level. One second at her home for an interview and I knew she was the right midwife for me.

As my baby?s birthday grew closer, I grew more and more determined to VBAC at home. My baby wanted to be born at home, and I was going to make sure that she was. At 41 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and on my way home from an International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) meeting, I talked with my baby about her birth and how she and I could work together to make it a wonderful experience for us both. The next day, because I was 12 days passed my ?guess date,? I asked my midwife to sweep my membranes, releasing a high dose of prostaglandins that encouraged labor to begin. I was 3cm dilated and 50% effaced. This meant nothing to me as I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced with my son for three weeks. I then had a massage and inserted some Evening Primrose Oil to help soften and ripen my cervix. Later that afternoon, contractions began and were spaced 10-15 minutes apart. I?d previously had regularly spaced contractions, but something about these felt different. My husband, son and I went out for dinner for the last time as a family of three. After dinner, we went to a local church and prayed together, as a family, for our family. And then we took a long walk. My contractions began to space out, so I went to bed. But not before sending my husband to the grocery store for ?just in case? groceries and sending a ?maybe labor? text message to my birthing team!

Indeed, I was in early labor that night. The next day, September 17, 2010, would be my baby?s birthday.

Birthday:

5:03 AM I woke up with an intense surge. It was stronger than any I?d felt the past month. I knew today was the day. I was excited for the opportunity to birth again and thought I?d have the morning to prepare and perhaps the baby would come late that day or early the next.

5:13 AM I had another surge - Great?my husband could go to work and close out some last minute things. I?d send my son to preschool and take care of some things during the morning. Surely I can deal with surges ten minutes apart for several hours.

5:23 AM I had another surge, this one incredibly intense. I asked my husband to apply pressure to my lower back.

5:33 AM I had another surge. The pressure on my lower back allowed me to fully relax and fall right back to sleep. Unfortunately, so did my husband and I grew irritated with having to waste half of my surge waking him up! I wanted each surge to be as productive as possible, and that meant going into my zone at the beginning, not halfway through. I also stopped looking at the clock.

6:45 AM I woke my husband to tell him that we were having a baby today! I called my midwife who stayed on the phone with me for surge. I told her they were ten minutes apart and she asked to hear another. OK, but we?ll be on the phone for a long time! Little did I realize, my labor was progressing, and fast! Surges were only a few minutes apart, not ten! She knew, and told me that she was coming over now. After we hung up, I sent a text message to the rest of my birthing team letting them know to come as well.

I had no concept of time for the remainder of my labor. My parents arrived soon after. My mother came upstairs and she, my husband and I prepared our bed for labor with a plastic cover and a set of sheets. I recall interrupting them several times to go into a surge. During this time I was active between surges, but during the surge, I immediately went to hands and knees and did my slow breathing exercise, imagining my belly filling up like a hot air balloon ? the balloon being my uterus ? and as it filled, the sides of the balloon pulled up, just as my uterus was doing with each surge. I noticed that it took 3 breaths to get through the surge. My midwife arrived next. I was laboring in my bedroom, quietly, since I didn?t want to wake my son who was sleeping in the room next door. I still thought he would go to preschool for at least part of the day and that we would send for him when it was time to birth. I focused within for each surge. There was commotion about timing them?I don?t want to know how far apart they were, or how long they last. I only need to know how many breaths I need to get through each one. I tuned out conversation about timing. I also didn?t want to know what time it was, so I never looked at a clock. My midwife took my vitals.

I labored on my bed, in side sleep position with my body pillow between my knees and supporting my head and neck. I slept between surges. The surge brought me out of my sleep, I relied on my hot air balloon imagery and slow breathing for each surge. I envisioned my cervix opening like a blossom. At some point, my surges became extremely intense and I recalled that when I?d asked my midwife when it was appropriate to get in the birthing tub she said when I felt like I needed it. I need something else! This is getting to be too much?I don?t know how much more of this I can take! I asked if it was ready and learned that there had been some complications in filling it up, but my team was on it. Some time soon after, it was ready and I prayed that I could make it from my upstairs bedroom to the basement where the tub was set up without a surge. I wasn?t sure I would be able to do what I needed to while en route. As I write this story, I cannot remember whether I had any on the way or not.

I stepped into the tub. Why didn?t I do this earlier?? It felt so good to be in the hot water, like I was enveloped by warm honey that was kissing my body all over. I closed my eyes and settled in. The next couple hours are a blur. My hypnobirthing CD was on. I labored. My midwife?s assistant arrived. I labored. Two friends I?d invited to participate in my labor and birth arrived. I labored. My son came down to see me. I labored. My surges spaced out somewhat, which I expected to happen when I got in the water. I didn?t worry, I labored. My husband fed me oatmeal. A friend gave me coconut water and sponged my face with a cold cloth. I labored quietly, changing my position slightly during a surge. I didn?t want my butt on the bottom of the tub. This was often the only indication that I was having a surge. My husband reminded me to relax my face, which reminded me to relax my body and allow my body to labor. He told me how well I was doing, how proud he was of me. I could not have stayed as relaxed as I was without his reminders and his love, which I felt radiating through my body as our child made her way out.

I did not talk much, except to shout ?hungry,? ?drink,? or, what became the word of the day, ?POOP!? My surges had transitioned from first to second stage labor and I didn?t realize it. I should have realized that the poop sensation often accompanied transition. There was so much of it, I should have known. I knew it was still daylight, and thought I couldn?t be in transition yet. I started to panic. I can?t do this anymore. I don?t want to do this anymore. When is this going to end? My surges were all over the place with length and frequency. Sometimes I?d feel one coming, but it didn?t come. I?d get ready for it and start my slow breathing, but it wouldn?t come. Other times, I wouldn?t know it was coming and it snuck up on me. I felt out of control. If I couldn?t start my breathing in advance of the surge, I couldn?t make it through the surge without intense pain. I thought I couldn?t keep doing this. An intense fear of failure started to come over me. I asked to go to the bathroom and wanted my husband to come with me. I confided to him that I was afraid, very afraid, that I couldn?t do it anymore. I wanted to go to the hospital, I wanted the drugs, I wanted it to end, I wanted to stop, I wanted to leave my body. I don?t remember what he said to me, but it gave me the strength I needed to get back in the tub and keep laboring.

I controlled a few more surges with slow breathing and envisioning my cervix opening and my belly filling and rising like a hot air balloon. Then the fear set in again ? there was a similar feeling of dread that I?d felt during my son?s birth and I was afraid of a similar outcome. ?I?m afraid, I?m SO afraid!? I blurted out. My midwife asked if she could give me a homeopathic for the fear. I agreed and she placed it under my tongue. I blurted out ?I can?t do this anymore!? Everyone told me ?but you ARE doing it!? I knew that?s what you say to a laboring woman in transition. I COULDN?T be in transition, what?s wrong with these people?why couldn?t they understand that!!!??? My midwife told me to go to the happy place I?d created through my hypnotherapy. I tried to, and eventually calmed down. This most likely happened in fifteen minutes, but it felt like hours. Soon after, I felt stronger, more confident, in control. I knew no one was going to take me to the hospital. They all knew that?s not what I really wanted. I knew they were saying all the right things. And I started to accept that my surges had changed. They were no longer wrapping around my belly, they were they were pushing down, they had been for a long time, but I?d been fighting them. Accept this. Listen to what my body is telling me. Let my body take over. My body knows what to do. My body is not a lemon. My body is made to do this.. I started to wonder if I was nearing the end. I asked my midwife how much longer I had. I love her. She said ?well, I don?t really know.?

Quite unfortunately, my dad, who had been there for the entire labor, had an appointment and had to leave at this time. He came down to the basement to say goodbye. I thought I had hours left to labor.

My surges were making my body do something different. Accordingly, I changed my breathing to birth breathing ?J? breaths. I?d practiced them while on the toilet but frequently grew impatient because I could ?push? my bowel out faster. I worried that I hadn?t given it enough practice. But I did my best to breathe my baby down. Often during these surges, I bellowed out deep guttural sounds, to the praise of my birth team. I thought they just didn?t understand, I was going to die. There was no way I could be ready to birth my baby. I decided I wanted to know if I could feel my baby?s head. I reached in and felt something different?could it be? I don?t know, but it feels different, like, OHMYGOD, it?s my baby?s head! There was a fat, smooth and round thing next to it. I wondered if it was a cervical lip. I told my midwife I thought I had a lip and asked her to check. For the first time during my labor, my midwife performed an internal. I was completely dilated with only a cervical lip remaining. She offered to pull it aside during my next surge. She did this through several surges. The next part of my labor was perhaps the hardest. She asked me to not permit my body to bear down with surges. I stopped my birth breathing and returned to slow breathing and visualized my cervix opening. When I just couldn?t do that anymore, I allowed my body to birth my baby.

My midwife began checking my baby?s heart tones more frequently. After each surge, she?d ask if she could check the baby?s heart tones. I overheard her say ?we need to get this baby out.? It can?t be time yet. It hasn?t been long enough! It just can?t be time. Can it? Can it really be time? OhMyGod, my baby is coming to me, it?s really coming! With each surge, I breathed my baby down. My surges were still varying in length, often surprising me. My midwife told me to send all my energy downward. I recalled studying the chakra?s and how the energy from the chakra?s could flow downward. I called upon each, drawing energy down from my mind?s eye and out through my bottom. I felt my baby move down with each surge. I was laboring semi-reclined in the birthing tub. My birth team suggested a position change. I got on my hands and knees. I couldn?t relax and fully experience a surge that way. I leaned backwards so that I was nearly squatting, back upright, knees and lower legs flat on the base of the tub. With another surge, I felt my baby?s head emerging. ?Ring of fire,? I shouted. I felt my body birthing. I FELT MY BODY BIRTHING!

?MY BABY IS COMING, MY BABY, MY BABY!? My baby?s head emerged, slowly at first, I felt a tear. ?I?m tearing!? Another surge came, my baby?s head emerged fully. Oh my God, what do I do??? I?ve never been here before. I don?t know what to do next. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I was consumed with bewilderment. Someone said, ?let?s get your baby out now.? With the next surge, my baby came flying out, into my hands. My midwife?s hand was directly beneath my own. She guided my hands up and out of the water. ?Talk to your baby,? she said. I looked down and pulled my baby close to me. ?My baby, my baby,? I cried. I can?t believe I am holding my baby in my arms. There are no scalpels, no stitches, no sterility. Just love and family and light. And my baby. My baby, my baby is here,, in my arms. And my baby is beautiful. And I did it! I really did it. I looked down, between my baby?s legs ? it was a girl! I looked at my family ? my husband, my son, my mother, my midwife, my friends, my birth assistant ? they were all my family in that moment. It was 12:21 PM. I had labored for only 7 hours.

Immediately after birthing my baby, my midwife wanted my placenta out. I think she may have tugged slightly, I had a surge and it slid right out. She then wanted me out of the tub and seemed concerned about my bleeding. Everything turned out to be fine. I appreciated the calm way she approached what may have been a slight complication. I will never know, and I like it just fine that way!

I laid on the couch and held my baby. Her tiny body squirmed and pinked up. She stared at me with an intensity I will never forget. My dad came back. He?d been gone less than thirty minutes. I had a beautiful birth experience and I will never forget what it felt like to birth my baby!

Baby Audrey Lenore joined the world at 12:21 PM on Friday, September 17, 2010 after 7hrs of labor. She weighed 7lbs, 9oz and was 19.25in long with a head full of dark hair. She is absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way. Her birth has changed my life in a way that cannot be described in words.