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Adoption
silliestbunny
member
Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
Options
Adoption Budget
silliestbunny
member
in Adoption
We had a long weekend... lots of good discussions but we are both tired and heart broken, and just ready for a match to stick.
We really are struggling with budget. The longer we wait, the higher we set our upper limit for our adoption budget.
My question--- how many of you did the same thing? Did you finally put your foot down and say that you wouldn't exceed a certain amount?
What provoked our conversation is an agency that presented me with three situations on Friday. Two of the three situations require us to cover medical expenses. What looks like a 37K adoption, turns into about a 48-51K adoption once I add medical and ICPC costs but it doesn't include travel.
How do you balance feeling desperate and wanting a child with being good stewards of money? Or do you just shrug and say that it's only a few thousand more than you initially budgeted and go for it??
Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 monthsThis discussion has been closed.
Re: Adoption Budget
Personally if i could stretch and cover the extra I think i would because I'm getting to that very desperate stage. Although I would be scared of another failed match and losing that money too... so hard to decide.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
I am just blown away with the cost of your agency. Have you thought about finding a different agency that will accept your homestudy?! Your agency costs 3x what our entire adoption cost, I really have no words.
I really hope you can find a balance between cost and finding your forever child without having to sacrifice your limits.
Silliest, I was so worried that you would be posting something like this soon. I hate that the failed matches have cost you so much and now you have to reevaluate what you can afford to bring your baby home.
I really have no answer, because we were in a different situation. Each situation would cost us the same, unless we chose to adopt siblings, in which there would be slightly higher fees for extra paperwork. Yes, our adoption cost us twice what we were quoted when we started, but that was for undisclosed costs and fees, and we were lucky enough to be able to pay for it out of savings. I don't know how we would have handled deciding on a case by case basis if the cost was affordable.
I know this is completely unhelpful. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you find yourself in this position.
I'm so sorry for your situation. Wow, that's a lot of money.
When we interviewed agencies, we found some that said that birthmom expenses were to be expected. Others said it was rare and that they'd work with the birth mom to ensure that she had state medical coverage. We went with an agency that rarely asks families to pay for expenses. We knew that we couldn't afford more than the agency fees. We chose an in-state agency to avoid those fees.
So I guess to answer your question, we "set our foot (feet?) down" by deciding not to work with agencies where high costs would be probable. In general, my attitude has always been that life is too short, and it is only money. My husband, the accountant, is very financially conservative. So we had to work to get a happy medium.
Hang in there . . . you're wise to be having these discussions.
I have no experience with this and I know how easy it is to get lost in what's happening in our lives at the moment, but trust that you will eventually see the positive in whichever way you choose to proceed...
That's all, just positive thoughts and virtual hugs for you!
After what you've gone through I personally would work with a different agency. In fact, since you have been waiting so long, I suggest working with an adoption consultant.
We didn't wait long, but that's because we decided to just blow our budget. When deciding to adopt, we said our budget was $20k. However, after researching for a few weeks and seeing that many situations are much more expensive than that, we decided to blow the budget and just go with the situation that felt right. That said, for us blowing the budget was still nowhere near $50k plus travel expenses.
Our adoption consultant has an average wait time of 6 months, and even less if you are open to AA or biracial. We waited 8 weeks. The other couple I know who used her waited 6 months, but they were only interested in Caucasian males. A budget of around $25k - $30k not including travel expenses would be a very reasonable budget for our consultant. Including travel expenses we probably spent around $40k, but we had an unusually long stay in the other state and were there for 19 days.
Let me know if you want me to PM you her information. I really think you should consider other options. While there is always risks with adopting, what you have gone through just seems excessive. It makes me questions if your agency is properly screening birth mothers to assess risk and also if they are providing the birth mothers with proper support.
Wow, that is a lot of money. I'm so sorry that you are having to consider this. It is such a slippery slope--kind of like IF treatments. You do one IVF that doesn't work and it's kind of hard to stop and you get to the point where you say, well, it's 'only' another $12k to do 'one more' cycle.
With our adoption we knew all the fees up front, so there really was no gray area. I agree with the PPs that maybe you should consider another agency. Or a consultant.
Best wishes.
I expect to spend between $25-30K. I don't think I could spend $50K. That seems really over the top. I'd rather wait a little longer rather than spending huge amounts of money, even if I am tired of waiting. Not easy to do, because I am really tired of waiting. But, I also can't go into debt now. We are planning on sending my husband back to school in the fall, so we will be short one income.
I'm working on expanding our scope so we can be seen by more birth parents, but it has taken a lot of additional research for me to get to that point. We are also considering revising our profile as well, wondering if maybe there is something in there that is turning people off or maybe we don't have enough information. So, that's what we are doing to improve our situation. I also have a family friend who is a social worker in my home state who is showing us occassionally as well.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
This exactly!
Holy smokes thats a high amount! So on the topic of medical expenses - where we are if the BM doesn't have insurance then she applies for assistance and there usually is little out of pocket expense. If she has insurance then we were responsible for co-pays. So what does "cover medical expenses" mean? Because if its open ended like that you could be responsible for a whole lot more!
Some birth moms have no health insurance and also don't qualify for Medicaid, so there can be big medical expenses related to labor and delivery.
(((HUGS)))
We found out a few months before Payton was born that we would need to increase our budget by almost $3k (because we were matched so long -- it was additional living expenses for her and attorney fees vs. what we had calculated initially) -- but it was "only" $3k vs. what you're talking about. I don't know what I would do in your situation.
Yes I understand that - that is why I suggested clarifying what "medical expenses" she was meaning. If you calculate how much an average delivery is and agree to pay 100% of it you can run into issues when there are complications. In NV, which is obviously not the norm, if you are making an adoption plan whether you qualify for state assistance in some way.