My parents laughed at me *vent*
I wrote a post earlier in the week about how I thought I needed help because I kept imagining horrible things happening to my DS. Well today I went to see my GP, and he agreed that yes, I do need help. He set up a mental health action plan for me, referred me to a psychologist, and gave me a script for zoloft.
So I figured I better fill my mum in what was going on. Earlier in the week I'd confided in her about getting the feeling I was going to drop DS in a shark tank at an aquarium, to lay some groundwork. So tonight I finally come clean and admit what's going on. There was about 20 seconds of silence, then mum chokes out "You didn't tell that to a dr, did you??!" And starts laughing hysterically. My dad must have asked what was going on, because she drops the phone, still laughing and tells him. I could hear them going "obsessive thoughts! HAhahahah" etc. Then mum picks the phone back up and tries to talk to me again. I was obviously pissed, so was not really talking. Then dad pipes up in the background "Ask her what she's thinking now!"
At which point I just hung up the phone. About 2 minutes later they tried to call, but we ignored it. That was it though- no message left, no text or fb message, just one single return call. My family is super normal and mega-close, so this has just come from no where and left me totally blindsided. I'm sad and embarrassed and soooo angry all at the same time. I can't imagine ever laughing at anyone in my postition, much less my own child. I'm so sick of being more emotionally invested in people then they are in me. I'm always the one that is there for everyone, listening to everyones problems, but no one ever gives a crap when it's me. It freaking sucks.
And I kinda hate my folks right now.
Re: My parents laughed at me *vent*
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this! I cannot imagine what you must be feeling right now.
On the flip side, I am sooooo glad that you did reach out to your Dr. and are getting help. Everything CAN get better, with or without your parents assistance. I really hope that your DH is supportive of you. Perhaps your parents don't understand what PPD is or what it can do to you? It can just totally consume your entire world leaving you unable to function. Either way, those of us on this board are here for you no matter what.
I could've wrote that statement. Sometimes I think I should just stop caring so much about everyone and everything going on around them, but I just can't. I've finally talked to my doc yesterday about my issues too, and I'll start on Zoloft. Here's hoping. Take care, I know how you feel.
I'm so sorry. I turned to my parent's for some support not too long ago with a money situation that came up. They blew me off big time. I didn't feel so bad for myself but for my son.
I also feel like I can't talk to my family (except my hubby) about my PPD. They don't understand and they have this look on their faces like they are not interested.
It sucks hard when family lets you down. I know. I deal with this a lot unfortunately. The only thing it has really taught me though, and I think it's great for my son, is how a real parent should be.
I hope you are seeing this. I am really late with it.
I am so sorry your feelings were not validated by your family. Your feelings are totally normal as a part of PPD. They are called intrusive thoughts. It's nature's way of making sure you are a good mom (i.e. don't drop your child in a shark tank). It works but in some moms it just goes in overdrive.
With my sons, these are the thoughts I had:
While in the attic I feared I may open the window and throw them down 3 stories
I thought "what if I don't take my kids out of the car and they freeze and die?"
I thought "What if I take my baby and just start slamming him against the wall?"
I thought "What if I take really hot water and burn him?"
My boys are now 2 and 3. I have recovered from this and am happy to report that these thoughts are WELL under control since Zoloft and an awesome therapist. I've only had one thought in over a year-- in the summer I was on a ferris wheel with my kids, H and BIL. I thought "what if I throw them over the side of the cage while at the very top?" My BIL thought I was nuts but I just relaxed and remembered that these thoughts are just going a little nuts because my mind wants to scare me into making sure I never hurt my kids.
It's just a mind in overdrive. As a therapist, I am specializing in helping women cope with these intrusive thoughts and I am finding that they can be overcome with little difficulty. Your family is uneducated about PPD and how the brain works, as most people are, and that's normal.
Feel better and realize what you are going through is common.
I had a similar reaction from my mom. I had the intrusive thoughts (hallucinations of me doing horrible things to my son) and suicidal thoughts. I didn't get help until I was into PPP. When I was admitted into the hospital, my mom said I was just doing it for attention. She was disgusted with me that I was doing such things.
I'm so sorry. Please don't let them belittle what's going on. I thought I had to hide what was going on because she said such awful things to me. Just keep doing what you're doing. Get the help you need. Good luck.
I'm so sorry :-( I would be so hurt by that.