New...seeking suggestions

curmudgeon

I'm trying to firgure out what to do, I spoke with a counselor a few weeks ago, but she was no help, so I'm hesitent to try that again.  I have a 9 month old who is amazing.  DH is great, but has his own troubles he is dealing with and is very busy with being in school.  I am feeling more and more overwhelmed with being "mom" (primary housekeeper/baby caretaker when at home) and "dad" (bringing home most of the bacon).  And I hate my job.  So, this all sounds pretty standard...let me try again...

I hate my job, I am preoccupied, distracted and can't manage to keep a coherent train of thought.  I am getting no work done because by the time I open a document I have forgotten what I need to do with it.  I don't have the energy to start or finish anything and really don't care enough to try.  The upsetting part is that I used to love my job, up until about the 3rd tri, and now I am just resentful that I have to be here.  I am terrified...no, confident that they are going to fire me for lack of getting anything done, and this still doesn't inspire me to change.  As soon as I leave the office I am beating myself up for not doing something, by morning I am ready for today to be the day to turn it around, and I hit the office and...nothing, I can't do anything.  I stare at the clock and count the minutes until I get to take a break.  Things are usually better when I'm at home, I break down crying once every couple weeks and am constantly pretty irritated with DH/dog/daycare/internet...whatever, but at least I can function - baby is clean and fed everyday.  Anyway, sorry for the tirade, I can't seem to find the motivation to want to change how I think about work and, I guess, just wondering if this could be related to PP hormones or if I just need to "buck up."

Mrsmaybebaby

I feel the same way! I just posted asking if this was PPD. Sending you lots of hugs!

jerseymom98

it sounds like it is ppd. I would call and make an apt with your ob. Mine has been great and understanding and very helpful...

jaime5121

That sounds a lot like what I went through with my PPD.  I hated my job.  Couldn't get anything done.  Didn't care if I got anything done.  Didn't care if I got fired.  Well, not really anyways.  After I talked to my MW, I sat down with my boss (she and I could talk - I felt comfortable with her) and broke down and told her what was going on, and why my job performance was so poor lately.  The amazing thing was, she hadn't noticed and thought I was still doing an outstanding job.  She had suffered PPD and said that was a huge part of it was MY perception of myself and my work.  Had my work suffered, yes it had.  But not nearly as much as I thought it had. 

I encourage you to see your OB.  Things can get much better, I promise!  Good luck!

curmudgeon

Thank you all for the responses.  Jaime, I almost started crying when I read your response because everyone at work is acting completely normal, as if I'm actually doing my job!  I just keep waiting for the shoe to drop, to get reprimanded or written up so at least I know where I stand.  I couldn't figure out why no one said anything and honestly hadn't considered that no one noticed, just that it was building up to a huge blow-out (this really isn't the culture in my workplace and this only lends more evidence that I need to get help), which just made me more paralyzed about doing anything and withdrawn from my coworkers.  What helped you get through this?  I'll call my MW, but is it something I could reasonably expect to talk through (I'm irrationally afraid of a "diagnosis" and meds)?

Iheartkevi

Please don't be afraid enough to not talk to someone!  I was irrationally afraid of a diagnosis and meds, too, but seriously, you need your life back.  You are frustrated with everything.  It's ok to say you need help!