bad birth experience

plunderb

I am having a really hard time getting over my bad birth experience and am wondering whether anyone has been successful in getting help in a similar situation.

I had been planning a natural birth at a birth center with midwives, but had some complications in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Instead, I had a 4-day long induction at 41 weeks, but the baby turned transverse when I started pushing and I ended up with an unplanned c-section. I was under-medicated during the surgery, so they had to administer several emergency doses of morphine and who knows what else as soon as my daughter was out. I was in surgery for 2.5 hours and lost so much blood that I needed a blood transfusion. All this craziness delayed my milk coming in until my baby was a week old ? she lost more than a pound in the hospital.

I can't talk or write about the birth without crying. Just saying, "I had a c-section" sends me into hysterical sobbing, even when I don't share the details. My mom has been helping with the baby and my husband has been so lovely, but they are both going back to work and I am scared of being alone with the baby when I am such a wreck. I'm not afraid I'll hurt her or anything, but I feel so miserable that I can't enjoy her and that makes me feel worse.

Has anyone here sought or received help dealing with a bad birth experience? Any advice/anecdotes would be appreciated.

CollieJade

I had a similar experience to you.  I honestly haven't gone into it in therapy yet because i'm dealing with other aspects of my PPD, but I'm sure at some point I will need to reconcile with myself what happened to me.  I wish I had advice on how to do that for you, but I haven't done it yet myself!  It is very possible to have Postpartum Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from having a frightening or negative birth.

One thing I did remember reading while I was pregnant was the book Birthing From Within. if I remember correctly, it had a whole section on mentally healing from a negative birth experience.  It's a little hippie, but I can see how some of the exercises would be helpful.

ked77

Yes, this is something I talked about a lot with my therapist and it is so much more common than people think or talk about.  Everyone expects you to be overjoyed because "you have a healthy baby and that's all that matters".  Obviously that is what matters most, but not ALL that matters and you have every right to grieve your birth experience.   Some therapist specialize in negative birth experiences, I found a lot of resources through ICAN (international cesarean awareness network)

https://www.ican-online.org/

brideofscowboy

I also had a bad birth experience. I'm not going to go into great detail about it b/c I've been able to come to terms with it. It took me a long time, and there are moments where it still bothers me,  but the main thing for me was realizing and accepting that there was nothing I could do to change how it all happened...especially now that it's over.  I am healthy, I have a beautiful healthy little boy...and really, that's all that matters.

For me finding help was hard b/c in general ppl assume that you go in, labour, deliver, or have a c/s and your done. They aren't aware of some of the awful predicaments a woman can go through, nevermind the feelings associated with it all afterwards. I felt alone for the longest time, but talking to other moms who had similar experiences, being 100% honest about how I felt and letting go of the feeling of a being a failure helped a lot.

If you are worried about PPD, talk to your doctor. You are a fantastic mother.

Your LO is still very young. It takes time to get over. Allow yourself to accept your L&D, but let go of the guilt and feeling like you failed. You are healthy and you have a beautiful little girl.

GL

shopgirl78

Yes.   WIth my first, I did have a vag birth but at the price of a 4th degree tear which reopened (the stiches) and I had a four month recovery. Because my daughter was stuck so long (3 hours of pushing before the forceps), she swallowed fluid and spent the whole two days I was in the hospital (was offered three, declined) in special care on O2.  I really wanted to BF but because she wouldn't latch.  They wouldn't release her. They said I could try a bottle.  She did fine with bottles (was released) and go used to them despite my efforts to get her back on the breast.  I am pretty sure I had untreated PPD. I never went to the doctor.  I used to cry at the sight of others BFing, washing bottles and I used to cry just driving by the hospital.   

I honestly didn't get over it all until the birth of my second son.  I was offered a C (due to the tear and it can eventually cause incontience--fun!) however he was much smaller  and didn't cause any further damage during an induction.    Both boys were BF champs.  And DS2 birth went even better than DS1s. I am telling you this so you know you are not doomed for repeats.  

If I remember right, babies C-sectioned due to breech are eligible for VBACs.   There is hope one day to have your dream birth, hold onto that and know you are not alone.   I wish you the best!  Hugs! 

Bridezookie

I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in PPD and post-traumatic stress disorder. I found one, thank goodness. She used EMDR on me, which is a treatment for PTSD--it helped to think of my bad experience as PTSD-inducing. We treated it with a round of EMDR (google it if you're not sure what it is, I'd explain but I have to run in a sec). I feel much, much better. I'm also taking 1000 mg of fish oil to help my mood and making sure I get fresh air and sunlight each day if the weather allows.There is a book called The Depression Cure that offers advice about nonmedicated ways to overcome depression. It's not for everyone, but it has helped me.

You will heal. It may take a while, but you will get there if you do the work.