School-Aged Children
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Lying
So my 7 y/o has been lying lately and it is making us so frustrated. Some of it is little stuff... like his teacher wouldn't let him go to the lost and found so he couldn't bring home his jacket to things to something as elaborate as he couldn't bring home his spelling test because it ripped in half and was ruined and he had to throw it away at school. He wanted to use my computer to do some "research" and I told him he needed to get 100% on his spelling test (totally doable). He first told me he got one wrong, then 45 minutes later he told me he got them all right. How do you deal with lying in your house? I had a discussion with him and I am a punishment fits the crime kind of mom. Of course he didn't get to use my computer but I am worried this is going to continue. He has always tried to bend the truth to make him come out on top. His nickname is the little politician in our family. Now it is flat out lying and he knows it's wrong.
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Re: Lying
Have you discussed with him that lying makes people lose trust in him? This makes me think of the the little boy that cried wolf. Maybe remind him of that story and see if he realizes that people won't believe him anymore if he continues to lie. etc etc etc
Good luck!
I wish you tons of luck. Clayton started lying about that age also with little things. It has progessed even though we have tried about everything. I think he could site The Boy Who Cried Wolf, because I have used it so many times. Even though it killed me to do it, I would only punish him for something if he lied about doing it. If he told me the truth he didn't get a punishment for the crime. This seemed to help the most, because he realized he got in a lot less trouble if he just told the truth. This no longer works for us though. Good luck, hopefully you won't have the problems we have had.
*His lying progressed to theft and fire starting
It's so agonizing when your kids lie, isn't it?
I notice that my kids lie for two basic reasons: 1. to avoid trouble or hassles or to get something they want, and 2. to experiment with our reactions/to play with ideas.
#2 is pretty easy to deal with and it seems to be a phase kids go through around this age. We just discussed how important it is for Mom and Dad to be able to trust, reviewed the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, etc. This type of experimental/fantasy-based dishonesty seems to just go away on its own, at least in my experience.
#1 is more persistent and harder to deal with because kids are getting something they want or avoiding punishment by lying. I usually react by requiring the lying kid to prove their honesty because I can't trust their statements anymore. For instance, if my DD says she has brushed her teeth and I discover that it's not true, I will insist on accompanying her to the bathroom for a few days to make sure she actually has brushed. She resents my intrusion, and I point out that she hasn't left me any choice. In a few days, when things settle down, I give her another chance to go on her own.
So, for your son, you would make him bring home all work from school and email the teacher for verification of his grades before giving any privileges that are based on grades.
He hasn't been bringing home his take home folder consistently and it is making me batty. He is lying to avoid getting in trouble or to gain something he wants. I had a long conversation with him about when he lies it makes it so we and other people can't trust what he says and it is important to be honest.
I will look into reading the the Boy who Cries Wolf. I hope this doesn't get worse.
When he doesn't bring home his folder again and he lies tell him that you can't trust what he's saying. That he must have just forgot it. I'm assuming that you have to sign his folder nightly and there is a punishment for work and folder signing not being complete? Is he getting consequences for not bringing it home when the teacher finds that he doesn't have his folder ready in the morning?