A hypothetical parenting-ish question.

lindsay.lou

How would you feel if you were pretty good friends with a couple who "doesn't do" Santa with their kids? They do Christmas, just not Santa. Their kids are also only 1-3 years older than your kids. Would you be comfortable with your kids being around their kids during the holiday season?

(ok, ok this isn't hypothetical. These are friends of ours) 

kilissa

I think your kids will make their own decision.  Kids are pretty serious with what they believe in and what they don't.  I can see them defending saying there is too a Santa!  I wouldn't avoid friends, but I would let the parents know that you are doing Santa and to try not to ruin it.

vflipo

That's a tough one! I think I would be okay with it, though.

lindsay.lou

I think the whole thing is annoying me b/c I've known these two for a long time, and I know they're just doing this to be "different."

Winter*Mommy

Try it being your children's COUSINS... the people who you actually spend Christmas with.  It sucks.

No, I don't feel comfortable with it because I'm afraid that my nephews will ruin the fun for my kids... but we don't have a choice.  I'm not even comfortable talking about Christmas with my SIL and BIL in front of my kids because they have ALREADY on more than one occasion mentioned in front of my kids, that Santa is a lie.  DD is not even 4 years old yet - its just starting for us and I'll be dammed if they ruin it for my children.  

I think if they just don't acknowledge Santa, that's one thing... but if they outright are telling their kids, "Santa is a lie, don't let anyone tell you Santa is real, etc" then its more of an issue because THAT is when the kids will talk about it. 

ETA:  My SIL and BIL are very vocal about why they don't believe it and they think that if you DO perpetuate the belief in children, you are lying to them about the real meaning of Christmas (which we do believe and emphasize more than Santa - but we still do Santa)... and they don't hold back in telling all of us that in front of our kids.  Its wrong and when DH has told BIL that its not their decision to decide what we do with our kids, they go on a tirade about how all of us that do Santa are confusing our kids.  Its so dumb.

On the flip side, we have some very close friends who don't do Santa and they have just never done it - they don't tell their kids anything about it so that their kids won't spoil it for other children.  So we feel 100% okay being around them for the holidays because its just not really talked about and no one gets anything spoiled. 

Scout05

Yeah, I'm big on the Santa thing. This would bother me. I might make it really clear to those friends that we will be "doing" Santa (uh...you know what I mean) and that it's important to us.

And I would tell my kids "some people just don't believe, and we have to respect that," or something. But it would be hard, I would probably limit interaction around the holidays.

Shemico

I have a different perspective.

We're jewish, so obviously don't celebrate xmas or do the santa thing.

The way I handled it last year was to tell DD that some people celebrate xmas with santa (ie. teacher a) and some celebrate chunukah (ie. teacher b) and we have fun with both & get presents.

She  was fine and happy with the explaination. I imagine you can just revise accordingly. Your DC will encounter lots of people celebrating differnt things through school and life, no need to worry about this difference.

lindsay.lou

Winter Mommy, that's horrible!! I would be so pissed.

I had a friend who has twin 1st graders (well, now 2nd graders). Last Christmas, ONE BOY in their class came to school and told the entire lunch/recess that Santa was fake, his mom told him so, blah blah blah. It caused such a ruckus that the principal got involved! They had to have a parent meeting about it. My friend cried. She was devastated. She was pretty sure her kids still believed, but that seed of doubt had been sewn (too early, they were 6), kwim?

ETA: She told me the parents in question have basically been ostracized at school. No other parents want to associated with them. They were getting angry phone calls at their house! 

lindsay.lou

Shemico:

We're jewish, so obviously don't celebrate xmas or do the santa thing.

This is the example I was using with my husband last night ("How are we going to explain our Jewish friends to our kids?")...we never came to a conclusion, but I like what you said. 

I guess the more I think about it, I had Jewish friends as a kid. I knew they didn't do Santa, but the discrepancy of it all never really hit me as a kid.... I think it's over their heads.

kilissa

lindsay.lou:

Winter Mommy, that's horrible!! I would be so pissed.

I had a friend who has twin 1st graders (well, now 2nd graders). Last Christmas, ONE BOY in their class came to school and told the entire lunch/recess that Santa was fake, his mom told him so, blah blah blah. It caused such a ruckus that the principal got involved! They had to have a parent meeting about it. My friend cried. She was devastated. She was pretty sure her kids still believed, but that seed of doubt had been sewn (too early, they were 6), kwim?

ETA: She told me the parents in question have basically been ostracized at school. No other parents want to associated with them. They were getting angry phone calls at their house! 

Some first grader told me when I was in kindergarten.  I went home and told my dad.  He told me to prove it.  He told me to stay up all night to prove that Santa didn't exist.  I did that till I was like 15.  I'm starting to wonder if he didn't start drugging me as I got older, lol. 

LoveBeingAWife33008

I am Jewish and we dont celebrate at all and dont believe in Jesus. Would you not let your kids hang out with mine? Same kind of thing.

sevenonesix

I think it's important to just teach our children that people are different. We think differently, we believe in different things, we live differently, and we celebrate culture, independence, and all the differences in the world. 

This can apply to any and all things that come up that you want your children to believe/do/say/see/whatever compared to their other friends.

I think it would be counter-active to limit any activity to those who are different and have different beliefs because what does that teach your children? To basically associate with like-minded people as they are. In my opinion, that is the exact opposite direction of where our world needs to be.  

ETA: also, I think it's important as our children grow older to try and celebrate THEIR differences too. If your child is like me, I didn't believe in Santa Claus even though my parents wanted me to... no idea where that independence came from on the specific subject but my mom instead of trying to convince me otherwise just asked that I keep my mouth shut when it came to my baby sister so she could enjoy the "tradition" of Christmas.  

Same goes for most things... as we raise our child(ren), we try to instill certain ways of living, thinking, etc... but when they exhibit some sort of opinion and independence that should be addressed and celebrated (in appropriate situations) when at all possible. In my opinion of course. 

jesmckenna

I would politely ask my friends to make sure their kids don't bring up that there is no Santa around my children.  If it's addressed correctly, I really think the kids will do as asked.  (They like being able to be in on a "secret" that nobody else knows.)  If that doesn't work and it does get brought up with your kids, I would just tell them that Santa only goes to houses where people believe in him.  If your child believes in him, then he will leave presents at your house.  He doesn't go to your friend's house because they don't believe.  I was a kindergarten teacher and this topic comes up every year.  Your kids will get over it if you don't make a big deal out of it.

grr_aargh

Well, I'd be the hypothetical other people. 

We don't really "do" Santa either.  Our kids don't get Santa gifts.  I'm not opposed to santa, I don't feel he's an evil minion of Satan or anything, you know, but we just don't really acknowledge Santa as a part of the Christmas tradition.

Still, our kids know that other kids DO, that Santa's a BIG DEAL for some people, and that they should be respectful of that. . . so I don't see why hanging out with us would be an issue, kwim?  

Mrs.EmmaLouise

If they are good friends (or family) I think I would just keep hanging out with them around the holiday time, just like normal.  What are the odds that the kids will talk about it?  And if they do your kids will most likely come to you to ask you about it, and it will be how you handle the situation that helps them form their opinion on Santa.

When I was in kinder a kid on the play ground asked "who believes in santa, raise your hand".  And I was the only one out of ten kids who did.  I came home crying, and asked my Dad if Santa was real.  He said "Do you want to know the real truth?"  And what five year old says no to that?  (My mom was pissed).  So, I really think it is how the parents handle it when the kids come to them, that makes the difference.  

Your kids will meet all kinds of kids with different beliefs, you can't protect them from that forever.  kwim? 

mrstyson03

kilissa:

I think your kids will make their own decision.  Kids are pretty serious with what they believe in and what they don't.  I can see them defending saying there is too a Santa!  I wouldn't avoid friends, but I would let the parents know that you are doing Santa and to try not to ruin it.

This. We were always taught there was no Santa, but we were also taught that everyone believes different things and to respect other people's differences. In elem. school I always had friends or classmates who believed in Santa 100%, as well as those who were Jewish or other religions. It was never an issue. We just believed what we believed. Sure I can recall several instances where we discussed what we each believed (always around the holidays when we noticed that not all the kids in class were participating in the Christmas-themed arts and crafts), but it was never a big issue. No one could have convinced me that Santa was real, and none of my friends were ever convinced that he wasn't (and I don't recall ever trying to convince them otherwise).

 

LoveBeingAWife33008

natoshacooke:

I think it's important to just teach our children that people are different. We think differently, we believe in different things, we live differently, and we celebrate culture, independence, and all the differences in the world. 

This can apply to any and all things that come up that you want your children to believe/do/say/see/whatever compared to their other friends.

I think it would be counter-active to limit any activity to those who are different and have different beliefs because what does that teach your children? To basically associate with like-minded people as they are. In my opinion, that is the exact opposite direction of where our world needs to be.  

ETA: also, I think it's important as our children grow older to try and celebrate THEIR differences too. If your child is like me, I didn't believe in Santa Claus even though my parents wanted me to... no idea where that independence came from on the specific subject but my mom instead of trying to convince me otherwise just asked that I keep my mouth shut when it came to my baby sister so she could enjoy the "tradition" of Christmas.  

Same goes for most things... as we raise our child(ren), we try to instill certain ways of living, thinking, etc... but when they exhibit some sort of opinion and independence that should be addressed and celebrated (in appropriate situations) when at all possible. In my opinion of course. 

perfectly put.

lindsay.lou

grr_aargh:

Well, I'd be the hypothetical other people. 

We don't really "do" Santa either.  Our kids don't get Santa gifts.  I'm not opposed to santa, I don't feel he's an evil minion of Satan or anything, you know, but we just don't really acknowledge Santa as a part of the Christmas tradition.

Still, our kids know that other kids DO, that Santa's a BIG DEAL for some people, and that they should be respectful of that. . . so I don't see why hanging out with us would be an issue, kwim?  

Your invitation to my house for Christmas is officially RESCINDED.

grr_aargh

lindsay.lou:

Your invitation to my house for Christmas is officially RESCINDED.

Awwww, man. 

All I mean is - if people are respectful of each other, it's all good.  If they're not, it sucks.  I don't want disrespectful friends. . . so if they're not going to respect your Santa-itis, then they need to go.  If they DO respect your decision to have Santa with and for your kids, then it's all good, kwim?

THAT they believe whatever they believe isn't as important as how they handle themselves.  My answer changes based on that. 

Winter*Mommy

grr_aargh:

lindsay.lou:

Your invitation to my house for Christmas is officially RESCINDED.

Awwww, man. 

All I mean is - if people are respectful of each other, it's all good.  If they're not, it sucks.  I don't want disrespectful friends. . . so if they're not going to respect your Santa-itis, then they need to go.  If they DO respect your decision to have Santa with and for your kids, then it's all good, kwim?

THAT they believe whatever they believe isn't as important as how they handle themselves.  My answer changes based on that. 

Well said!