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redshoegirl
member
I think I'm the worst in-law ever
redshoegirl
member
Just found out that SIL & Co. (her obnoxious spoiled child and boring as sawdust boyfriend) are coming here for Christmas again this year. I know I should be all happy - Yaaay! Family for Christmas! Hurrah! - but instead I just feel biitchy and wish they'd stay the hell at home.
They visited for 2 weeks last year and I had to spend waaaay too much time with them. And this year we'll probably have to spend even more time together because of the boys.
SIL and her BF are both chain smoking alcoholics and SIL and MIL can't get along for longer than 5 min. This means the entire holiday season is spent in tense little gatherings with SIL and MIL sniping at each other and FIL worriedly asking me if SIL is drinking too much (she's been an alcoholic for as long as I've known her, but I don't think he likes to attach that label and is a little in denial) while the little daughter is running around screaming and kicking the dogs with her parents looking on indulgently.
Plus - and this is probably flammable since they're relatives - I don't like people who smoke that much to hold my kids. Go spread your carcinogens somewhere other than my sons, m'kay?
I've already decided that we're spending minimal time with them on Christmas itself, because I want my first Christmas with my boys to be on my terms. So we'll go to the IL's house at around lunchtime and leave before dinner. MIL will doubtless be upset, but I don't care - this is MY family and I get to set the boundaries (yeah I know it should be "we" get to set the boundaries, but Ben doesn't have a great track record of standing up to his mother's emotional blackmail).
It's no wonder that I'm not very popular in Ben's immediate family. They all must think I'm the worst SIL/DIL ever.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I think I'm the worst in-law ever
I think there's a typo in your title? between your MIL, your SIL, her BF, and her daughter, i think you *have* the worse in-laws ever
(no disrepect to Ben!)
...and i absolutely would not want chain smokers holding my child.
LOL thanks! I'm sure they see it differently though. I remember SIL once complaining to Ben (when we lived in the same town) that I never invited her to go to a girl's day out lunch with me. Ummm...first, if you really wanted to go out to eat, you could invite me. Second, we don't like each other. This isn't just me projecting my dislike - she's made it quite clear time after time that she doesn't like me (which I genuinely don't hold against her since the feeling is 100% mutual lol). But apparently I'm a bad SIL because I didn't invite her to things like that. *sigh*
inamra, I would totally hole up in my house if we didn't live 3 blocks from MIL and FIL. Stupid small town...
If I win the lotto this weekend, this is SO the new plan - family politics be damned.
Not at all flameable. My mum, stepdad and my dad are all smokers and I am super uncomfortable with them holding my bebeh because of that factor.
I know I sound 'anal' when I say it, but I actually ask my mum to wear a jacket or something when she goes outside to smoke and to take it off and wash her hands etc when she comes inside afterwards and wants to hold Sam.
I get a bit of a silent pause after asking this and then I have to explain that the 'smoke' clings to clothing, hair etc and is STILL being breathed in by Sam and then it's rubbed on HER clothes. Most smokers I know seem to think that once they finish their smoke then the 'harm' factor is completely gone.
This is exactly it.
And I know SIL and her BF know this, but I also know they don't care - I've seen them carrying their daughter around and smoking at the same time on numerous occasions (not to mention SIL smoking her entire pregnancy - if that poor child doesn't end up with some kind of problem it will be a miracle).
Wow, 3 blocks?!? Bummer!
In that case, I second the vote for Christmas in Hawaii and hopes of you winning the lottery soon!
Yup.
I love my house, but every once in a while I think, "WTF was I thinking???" But then, you can drive across this town in under 10 min, so even if we lived on the other side of town, it's not like it would really be that far.
Ditto - I have a huge problem around my ILs b/c they are both smokers and I hate that they have the second hand smoke around the baby - well, they smoke outside, so I guess it's third hand smoke? On their clothes and whatnot - but the baby doesn't really like them, lol, so I don't have to worry so much.
| Olowalu, Maui ~ August 6, 2008 |
| Family of 4 ~ April 2, 2011 |
| Family of 5 - October 24, 2012 |
With DH and MIL, it's more like...when it comes to the big issues, he'll man up, no problem (I don't even have to nudge him). But if it something he views as a little issue, then it's just easier to do what she wants - after all, this is what he's seen his father do with her his whole life. But the problem with this approach is that sometimes the little issues can add up to one big issue, you know? I'm not a crazy hardass who wants to oppose her on every single thing, but I tend to look at it as "if I allow this now, will it snowball into something I'll have a problem with later on" - sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no.
The good news is that he instantly agreed to only having Christmas lunch at the IL's house and everything else here by ourselves. He loves his sister but she makes him crazy, so it wasn't a hard sell lol.
I'm already chanting: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
But seriously, the one thing I dislike about the holidays is all of the in-law drama that comes with it. It's your first Christmas with the boys so hopefully they'll understand, and if not, well then that is just too bad!
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
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