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Etiquette question

so1966so1966
in Infertility

Pls let me know if you think it's ok. I havent seen many of my friends for a while, but I do stay in touch w/ emails, greeting cards, etc.   I sent a card with money for a friend's third baby and no thank you email, nothing.  I just recd a baptism invitation and I'm about to send yet another card w/ money.  Do you think it's appropriate to write on there, "hope you got my other card?"  It just really bugs me that I'm constantly only hearing from this friend only through invites, or through an email telling me she had a baby (after hiding her pregnancy from me).  I'm tired of always initiating emails and then, 'Oh by the way, I had another baby, but I was nervous about tellng you."  Somehow people have no clue about comforting or checking in on someone struggling to have a baby.  They just cant deal with my tough times, but expect me to...

What do you think?

After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
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Re: Etiquette question

  • vanessagorcvanessagorc member

    First off, it was bad etiquette for her not to have sent a thank u for the original gift.

    Therefore, i think u are totally fine to write that in the card. Im sorry ur friend is being so lame :(

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  • Mrs. MoMrs. Mo member

    If you only talk to her via email and don't ever hang out with her, I wouldn't be sending any $$. I honestly think that a baptism should be for close family & friends and inviting everyone and their brother is kind of gift-grabby ( esp if you know the person won't be able to go ).



    "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
    "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
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  • Edwina.McDunnoughEdwina.McDunnough

    You have two concerns, lack of thank you/gift acknowledgments and lack of communication.

    Personally, I'd stop giving cash gifts, they obviously aren't appreciated.

    On the other subject, I'd let her know what kind of support you would like from her. If she was hiding her pregnancy from you she may have suspected that it would make you feel bad, and tried to steer clear because maybe she thought that's what you needed. But really, how can she intuitively know what you do and don't need from her? If you make these things you've stated above clear to her, and she still is MIA that's something else, and I'd reconsider how much effort you want to put into a one way relationship.

    I'm sorry.

    +++
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  • Married071709Married071709 member
    imageMrs. Mo:

    If you only talk to her via email and don't ever hang out with her, I wouldn't be sending any $$. I honestly think that a baptism should be for close family & friends and inviting everyone and their brother is kind of gift-grabby ( esp if you know the person won't be able to go ).

    I agree with this.  Some people only send invites for that reason.  My in laws got a graduation card from someone whose parents they havent talked to in years. . . we were thinking ti was for the money. 

    I would just send a card and write in that card about hoping the got the other card.  I don't think it wrong for only sending a card.

    After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
    Born 7/30/13
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