Soon to be joining you

abask

 Hi everyone!  I just posted this over in the ttgp forum but have been advised to go here to for some advice. My husband has decided to go into the air force.  He has talked about it for a long time and we set up ASVAB test dates today to get the ball rolling.  I'm terrified but supportive.  This is what he wants so I want him to be happy and do what he loves.

The question I have for you ladies that are trying to conceive or have had children in the process of deployment or basic etc. Did you continue with trying to get pregnant knowing he may not be there for the pregnancy or birth?  DH would be leaving for 81/2 months for basic and training and I am torn between wanting to have a baby and being concerned because he wouldn't be here when the baby was born.  

 Any advice would be great.  I am stressing myself out over nothing I am sure but things are going at a whirlwind pace. I am looking forward to joining you ladies soon it looks like a very supportive board. TIA

frostyprincess24

Welcome!

At first DH and I tried to plan TTC so that DH would be able to be here for the birth. It worked out that we got pregnant and he would be here for the whole pregnancy and then a few months prior to deployment. Unfortunately, I miscarried. After that we at first we going to wait to try again, because DH could end up missing the birth, but after thinking about it we changed our minds. We realized that no matter what we tried to do DH would eventually miss something. As it is we did not get PG again until DH got home from deployment, so he is here for everything which is awesome. 

Basically, you can try to plan things around the military schedule, but they rarely work out, so it is best to not stress too much about it. 

NSL

The previous poster has a point that you can't plan your life around the military because things happen at the drop of a hat (we found out DH was deploying just a few weeks after I discovered I was pregnant with our second--we had been TTC-ing under the belief that he wouldn't deploy for at least another 12 months) that are outside of your control.  That said, things like basic training and schooling are rarely scheduled overnight, so I would advise waiting until he's finished with those (unless the school is a long one) before adding to your family again.  It's going to be a stressful time for you all anyway without adding pregnancy and a new baby into the mix.

leslie13510

Please, my husband wasn't even here for the conception much less 90% of the pregnancy.  (Yes they are his kids.)  The only reason he was able to come home for the birth was because my OB was certain they were going to be preemies and need lots of NICU time, and he only had 6 weeks left of the deployment, so his SCO was awesome and signed off for him to come home early. 

The thing with the military is that eventually they are going to miss something.  A lot of somethings.  Pregnancies, births, birthdays, holidays, milestones, entire months and even years... they're not going to be around for all of it.  You just document what they miss as best as you can for them to see, and make the best of the time you do have together. 

MrsP052909

Being in the military your husband is going to miss things. We found out that DH was deploying one month after I found out I was pregnant. Luckily my husband was able to be here for the birth of our son, but is missing the first year of his life. In my opinion it would have been easier for him to miss the pregnancy. You don't always know when your husbands going to be there, the military makes it hard to plan things. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow... GL

jamie.renee

leslie13510:

Please, my husband wasn't even here for the conception much less 90% of the pregnancy.  (Yes they are his kids.)  The only reason he was able to come home for the birth was because my OB was certain they were going to be preemies and need lots of NICU time, and he only had 6 weeks left of the deployment, so his SCO was awesome and signed off for him to come home early. 

The thing with the military is that eventually they are going to miss something.  A lot of somethings.  Pregnancies, births, birthdays, holidays, milestones, entire months and even years... they're not going to be around for all of it.  You just document what they miss as best as you can for them to see, and make the best of the time you do have together. 

This is how I look at it.  My husband came home from his first deployment Nov 07 and we decided to start TTC right away (decided that during the last few months he was gone).  Well it took awhile to get pregnant.  We talked about holding off since we knew he was deploying again but we decided to keep going.  We knew we wanted and were ready for a baby at that time and we did not want to wait another year to try again.  I got my BFP in September and he deployed the first week of Dec 08.  He was not there for the birth (and we were in Germany so no family around), we decided for him to try for R&R after she came since my first 2 were born early.  We didn't want him to come home and still miss the birth.  He came home when she was 2 months old for R&R and for good when she was 6 months old.  It was tough but I prefer that than him leaving at the age she is now.   

Tash13

I'm in the exact same boat.  My H decided to join the AF about a year ago but has had to wait for multiple waivers (we're waiting for yet another one) due to some of his paperwork not being in order.  Just curious, do you know what jobs he's putting in for and why his training is so long?  I might be wrong but my understanding was that, if the training was longer than a certain amount of time (except basic), you were able to join him.

At any rate, whether or not you wait is a very personal decision and it really depends on your priorities.  We have been waiting to start trying for #2 for some time.  I keep hoping to get pregnant right before he goes to basic so we'll be together again as I get further along and he'll be there for the birth.  I would at least wait until he goes to MEPs and gets a better idea of when he'll be leaving since it could be months before he goes to basic.  The AF is nice because it gives you some warning about deployments most of the time and there's usually time after training before their first deployment.  You might as well take advantage of this luxury.