i don't want to do it anymore but i don't want to stop either (long)

babes12

i had such high hopes for this cycle and i just don't know how much longer i can go on w/o any intervention or speaking to a doc.  i'm so sick of them saying well we know you can get pg.  Yah problem is my babies die!  and no, it doesn't seem that easy to get pg. either!  this emotional roller coaster is pure torture for me anymore and i'm just not sure how much longer i can be on this ride.  Nathan is getting older.  and i can't go on living this way, cycle to cycle, getting my hopes up and then it all crashing in one day. 

i feel like i live in this fake little world where i put on a smiling face for everyone to try and mask what i'm really feeling.  DH is not the type of guy to understand any of this so he's no good to talk to.  some your DH's sound so nice and understanding, i wish my DH was that way.  (

i understand if i want another baby i have to do this every month but it's just getting so difficult to go through.  I just wish there was an easier way but i know there's not and i know we're all going through and at different stages in our TTC journey but i'm just at a very difficult stage right now. 

thanks for reading if you got this far.  i'm just really upset and need to let it out. 

piedpiper07

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. We all do sometimes (or more than sometimes)   ((hugs))

RunSchwartzRun

I completely get it.  Even with seeing a doc I feel the same way.  (((hugs)))

butterfly843

Sending big ((hugs)). Will keep you in my thoughts.

jcath

I also understand - sometimes its just way too much. Big hugs coming your way.

redstars93

I'm sorry that you're going through this

BIG {{{hugs}}}

BabyMimi

I understand exactly how you feel and I feel the same way all the time. One thing I will say that has helped a little is that I no longer fake being happy to people. DH and I are very open now about our m/c and fertility issues and I have to say, it is easier this way. Of course, people always say stupid things but they would either way so does it really matter?

 I also think you SHOULD go see a Dr. if you are feeling this way. Is there a reason that you haven't yet? 

ade2be

Hugs!  This process is so frustrating.  I have found the further I get into it, the more that my life revolves around it....and I hate it.  I don't see any other way though.

As I recall, your OB said that he would refer you if you weren't pregnant by Dec?  (I would assume Dec 1st would be ok for that).  You could take a "mini-break" between now and then...not worry about temping or OPKs and just see what happens.  Maybe that will relieve some stress before going to an RE. 

Sorry that your DH doesn't understand.  I think they can stay just too far from the process and not understand what's going on.

Clerk9

Oh suck suck sucky.    I am SOOO sorry.  

A couple of ideas:  

1.  You can talk with your OB again & push a little harder to get the RE referral sooner, explaining what a toll this is taking on you.  

2.  Does your health insurance cover therapy?  Because that might really help.  I went for a little while in college when I thought my world was imploding, & just getting to let it all out to someone who doesn't know you or have preconceptions about you was reeeeally helpful.  If our TTTC journey lasts much longer, I'm really considering finding a therapist around here.  

((GREAT BIG GIANT HUGS))  

I'm sorry.   

mdm2137

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I understand because I feel the same. I wish there were an easier way. ((hugs))

ColindaP

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. It sucks, it really really does. Big hugs.

millejj1

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Hugs!

Daisy07gray

I agree with pps.  Get as much support as you can.  ((hugs)) for you~

babes12

thank you all so much for the support today and sorry i've taken so long to get back to everyone but i needed a break from everything.  i cried and napped and still feel like i've been run over by a bus.  ugh.

i guess now i can get my flu shot.  yippee. 

babes12

BabyMimi:

I understand exactly how you feel and I feel the same way all the time. One thing I will say that has helped a little is that I no longer fake being happy to people. DH and I are very open now about our m/c and fertility issues and I have to say, it is easier this way. Of course, people always say stupid things but they would either way so does it really matter?

 I also think you SHOULD go see a Dr. if you are feeling this way. Is there a reason that you haven't yet? 

well i've been holding off on seeing my ob b/c they said they'd refer me to an RE in dec. but i'm not sure i can make it till then.

babes12

ade2be:

Hugs!  This process is so frustrating.  I have found the further I get into it, the more that my life revolves around it....and I hate it.  I don't see any other way though.

As I recall, your OB said that he would refer you if you weren't pregnant by Dec?  (I would assume Dec 1st would be ok for that).  You could take a "mini-break" between now and then...not worry about temping or OPKs and just see what happens.  Maybe that will relieve some stress before going to an RE. 

Sorry that your DH doesn't understand.  I think they can stay just too far from the process and not understand what's going on.

Yes, i agree i think next cycle i will not temp again. it's way too stressful for me and i feel like i can't live my normal life when i do it. 

Some of these DH's i hear about on this board seem so caring and understanding and i think that's so wonderful.  My DH just isn't like that.  boo.  i did talk to him today and he seemed alittle more understanding than normal but that could have been b/c i was bawling my eyes out.  sigh. 

babes12

Clerk9:

Oh suck suck sucky.    I am SOOO sorry.  

A couple of ideas:  

1.  You can talk with your OB again & push a little harder to get the RE referral sooner, explaining what a toll this is taking on you.  

2.  Does your health insurance cover therapy?  Because that might really help.  I went for a little while in college when I thought my world was imploding, & just getting to let it all out to someone who doesn't know you or have preconceptions about you was reeeeally helpful.  If our TTTC journey lasts much longer, I'm really considering finding a therapist around here.  

((GREAT BIG GIANT HUGS))  

I'm sorry.   

1. i am thinking of calling my ob and seeing if i can get in for an appt.  i actually decided that i'm going back to my old OB so i'd really like to discuss what would happen if i got a BFP, like early u/s etc... plus all the other RE stuff. 

2. i've thought about therapy many, many times but i never go through w/ it b/c my DH doesn't have a set schedule so it's like impossible for me to have anything set in stone like an appt. but maybe i should look into it again.  i know i have a lot of unresolved feelings/emotions about losing wyatt and i haven't even begun to think/feel about the m/c. 

BabyMimi

babes12:

BabyMimi:

I understand exactly how you feel and I feel the same way all the time. One thing I will say that has helped a little is that I no longer fake being happy to people. DH and I are very open now about our m/c and fertility issues and I have to say, it is easier this way. Of course, people always say stupid things but they would either way so does it really matter?

 I also think you SHOULD go see a Dr. if you are feeling this way. Is there a reason that you haven't yet? 

well i've been holding off on seeing my ob b/c they said they'd refer me to an RE in dec. but i'm not sure i can make it till then.

OK gotcha. Sorry I didn't remember the details, I have trouble keeping track of everyone sometimes.

Maybe you should talk to your Dr. again and tell him/her how you are feeling and that you really want to see an RE now.

I'm sorry you feel like your DH is not getting you. I think it is hard for any person without a uterus to really understand. My DH has trouble at times. I will say that he watched Giuliana & Bill with me last night and I swear I think I saw a lightbulb go off for him. He saw what she was going through and he got it a bit better I think. He started asking me all kinds of questions once the show was over.  Maybe get him to watch with you? 

 

babes12

BabyMimi:

babes12:

BabyMimi:

I understand exactly how you feel and I feel the same way all the time. One thing I will say that has helped a little is that I no longer fake being happy to people. DH and I are very open now about our m/c and fertility issues and I have to say, it is easier this way. Of course, people always say stupid things but they would either way so does it really matter?

 I also think you SHOULD go see a Dr. if you are feeling this way. Is there a reason that you haven't yet? 

well i've been holding off on seeing my ob b/c they said they'd refer me to an RE in dec. but i'm not sure i can make it till then.

OK gotcha. Sorry I didn't remember the details, I have trouble keeping track of everyone sometimes.

Maybe you should talk to your Dr. again and tell him/her how you are feeling and that you really want to see an RE now.

I'm sorry you feel like your DH is not getting you. I think it is hard for any person without a uterus to really understand. My DH has trouble at times. I will say that he watched Giuliana & Bill with me last night and I swear I think I saw a lightbulb go off for him. He saw what she was going through and he got it a bit better I think. He started asking me all kinds of questions once the show was over.  Maybe get him to watch with you? 

 

oh no, i don't expect you to remember my doc. visits.  LOL!!! 

I think i'm considering calling my ob to set up an appt.  i just can't deal w/ this anymore unless of course they tell me i have no other choice.  lol

that's a  good idea to get DH to watch G & B w/ me.  I'll have to try that. 

JayandTay09

I think we all feel that way sometimes...I am so sorry you are having such a rough day hun...(((((HUGS)))))

damabo80

Hugs. I know how frustrating it is. Personally, I would push for the RE referral sooner. (I mean, does it really matter to your OB whether you get an appointment 6 weeks earlier?)

My one regret through the whole process is that we didn't start seeing an RE sooner than we did. Also, it's going to take a cycle or two with the RE before you can actually start DOING anything (Clomid, IUI, IVF, etc). They'll have you do a natural cycle or two to allow for "baseline" check ups (HSG, CD3 b/w, infectious diseases test, SA, genetic testing, etc).

DoingItRight

{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}