Any Stepmoms on Here?

too_much

My H has a 9 year old from his first marriage.  He got married young for the wrong reasons and they had a child a few years later and were divorced soon after.  So his infertility issues arose somewhere between the time she was conceived and the time we started trying to conceive (about a 7 year span).  Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else has stepkids.  Mostly, having to raise my stepdaughter and dealing with infertility doesn't bother me but sometimes I do find myself wondering why her (the ex) and not me.

ETA:  Just to clarify, I'm not concerned at all about her fertiliy.  When I wonder why her and not me, I'm wondering why my H was fertile back when trying to conceive with her and is now infertile when trying to conceive with me.

MrsRich0226

::raising hand::  DH has a 9 year old son from his first marriage and he and his ex wife had no problem conceiving and actually got pg really fast.

Stepson lives with his mom and we have him at our house a few times a week.  Sometimes I find myself getting really jealous with Dh's ex - she's a great mom but I wish I could give DH a baby too...

brody8336

I completely understand!  My DH has a 13yo daughter, although he was never married.  She lives with us 100% for the past 2 years after Protective Services removed her from her mom.  Her mom has not seen her or spoken to her in almost 2 years.  Needless to say, I am her mom for all intents and purposes except legally. 

I do feel slighted sometimes because my DH works out of town a lot and I do most of the parenting.  And while she is a great kid, she's not "mine" as awful as that sounds.  Don't get me wrong, I love her and I am so glad she is with us, but I sure do wish I could get my chance to parent from the beginning! 

Did I mention her mom has two other kids?  Yeah...I was VERY bitter about that for a while.  Anyway, I am glad there is another stepmom on here.

jaminjeff

Yup.  DSS is 16 y/o.  It was a high school relationship and he was born two weeks after my DH graduated from high school.  It's rough thinking he's got his own kid and happy with that.  When I'm feeling irrational I think it doesn't matter as much to him as it does to me since he's already got one, but in reality I know it hurts him too that we aren't successfully conceiving together.

I don't ever think why her and not me because one has nothing to do with the other really and I couldn't care less about her fertility.

too_much

Mrs*Rich:

::raising hand::  DH has a 9 year old son from his first marriage and he and his ex wife had no problem conceiving and actually got pg really fast.

Stepson lives with his mom and we have him at our house a few times a week.  Sometimes I find myself getting really jealous with Dh's ex - she's a great mom but I wish I could give DH a baby too...

Glad to know I'm not alone in the stepmom world.  His ex has really severe endometriosis (sp?) and was told now or never by the dr.  They were blessed to get pregnant right away despite the endometriosis.  SD is with BM 55% of the time and with us 45% of the time.  She isn't the greatest mom (not the worst either) but SD is still a great child.

dismalgrin

I'm not married to my man yet. But he has an 11 year old son from previous marriage. Trouble is he has since been diagnosed with schizophrenia and the meds they have him on make it pretty much impossible for him to have a child with me. And, yes, I'm bummed about it, but I figure we can always try and if it happens then it was totally meant to be.

too_much

jaminjeff:

I don't ever think why her and not me because one has nothing to do with the other really and I couldn't care less about her fertility.

This is me mostly, but sometimes when I'm really feeling low I think about this. The difference is I'm not thinking about HER fertility.  I think about HIS fertility when he was with her because we are dealing with MFI now.

 

SPerry0376

I have 8 and 10 year old step-children. Ex-wife was "fertile Myrtle". Good for her. 

jaminjeff

too_much:

jaminjeff:

I don't ever think why her and not me because one has nothing to do with the other really and I couldn't care less about her fertility.

This is me mostly, but sometimes when I'm really feeling low I think about this. The difference is I'm not thinking about HER fertility.  I think about HIS fertility when he was with her because we are dealing with MFI now.

 

I gotcha, yes I'd probably be the same if he had issues now but he was fine before and had children.

Fthtrstnpxiedst

I have 2 step-sons, they are 8 and almost 14.  They are with us EOW.  Sometimes it's hard, when I'm having a bad infertility day I have to always have a smile on my face when they are around.  With my recent ectopic it was hard because it happened for our summer visit which was a week long.  Yet, I love having them around.  They are generally with me more than DH because he works evenings, but they are great kids.

whispergrrl

I'm joining the convo late, but yes...I'm a stepmom too. I met my DH when he was going through his divorce, and his daughter was a little over 2 years old. She just turned 6 this weekend, and really can't remember a time when I wasn't around. I'm thankful for that...for her, everything is normal (living with her mom and grandmother in one house, and with her dad and me in another house). I love her to pieces...she is such a great little girl...but it is definitely hard dealing with IF while parenting her. I remind myself that I should be thankful for her...if I am never able to conceive myself...I can at least know that I have her in my life and can be a great stepmom.

But..on bad days...I do get angry. DH's ex is a horrible person...and a bad mother...yet she gets to be a mother. I hate that she gets to screw my stepdaughter up just because she is the bio-mom. Big long story there...I won't get into it on here...

 Like someone else said, sometimes I feel like DH isn't quite as invested in this because he already has a child. He actually made me have a huge breakdown on time when he was trying to console me...he said something along the lines of "If it doesn't happen, it's ok...we will be ok". I snapped at him that maybe ~I~ won't be ok...he might because he already has a child...and it is devestating for me to think that I might never get to have that.

 Any of you stepmoms out there...if you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me!

MrsMAF

I'm late in responding to this, but yes! I am a step mom to a 16, 15 and 13 year old. YEP! His ex was fertile city! The two oldest live with us 100% full time, they no longer see their mother..the youngest lives with her, by his choice, but we see him often. I often wonder, why did she (and she's evil and crazy) get to bear his 3 children so easily!?!?!? UGH!