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MIL hosting shower without me?

akwestfallakwestfall
in Baby Showers

Anyone know how to respond to a mother in law throwing a shower across the country that my husband and I can't attend?  Is this normal?  I feel like people will think we are just asking for gifts but it isn't our idea!!  We tried to talk her into waiting until we come out with the baby at 4-6 months old to see their family.  Suggestions please!

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Re: MIL hosting shower without me?

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    Lindsey312Lindsey312 member
    Yes, I think that might be a bit awkward.  Without having you guys there it makes it seem like she is trying to throw herself a shower.  I would try to let her know that you guys are not comfortable with the idea, and you would really prefer to be there for the event, since after all it is for YOU and YOUR baby.  HTH

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    pawcallpawcall member

    imageLindsey312:
    Yes, I think that might be a bit awkward.  Without having you guys there it makes it seem like she is trying to throw herself a shower.  I would try to let her know that you guys are not comfortable with the idea, and you would really prefer to be there for the event, since after all it is for YOU and YOUR baby.  HTH

    Ew, make that HUGELY awkward.  All you can really do is decline and hope she comes to her senses.

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    SonadoraSonadora member

    Ick. Totally weird and bordering on tacky. I'd push your idea of a meet the baby party later on...

    Good luck.

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    TColemanTColeman member
    I consider it tacky. She is basically throwing herself a shower if she knows you won't be there. Strange if you ask me. Hopefully you and DH can talk her out of it. Very gift grabby.
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    mmclaussenmmclaussen
    It does seem pretty awkward. I remember reading a thread on here from someone saying they did a Skype shower - their family gathered in a different state but had shipped all the presents to the mom-to-be who opened them at the computer and everyone could see her. It was different but then you're at least involved in the shower?
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    carolinababy313carolinababy313

    Oh man. This reminds me of when my MIL brought up the idea of having her own 'Grandma Shower' when  I was pg with my first. I remember lighting up the message boards with that one! She didn't, which is a good thing and I think she has chilled  out a bit now :)

    I too would really say that it is better  for you to just wait and have a meet the baby party. Would she sit there and open the gifts? I cannot see the attendees thinking that is really right. And the fact that you are going out there- it makes it strange.

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    karen_loykaren_loy member
    that would be extremely awkard, I mean how can you have a baby shower wihout the mom to be!?  insist on the meet the baby gathering for when you'll be able to go
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    Angel0423Angel0423
    Is she gonna open the presents in front of the guests and have her own cake too??  I mean if yes, really awkward for you to recieve a bunch of already opened gifts from people you may not have seen in years (or ever met) , if not what are the guests going to do for 2 hours??  I don't get it.  I've never heard of a baby shower w/o the mom to be!
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    akwestfallakwestfall
    That is how I feel!  Thanks for the support.  I think the whole thing is weird but.......  I am going to try to tell her how I feel and push the meet the baby shower instead.  Will keep you posted on how it goes!!  Wish me luck! 
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    Ivana_StolichnayaIvana_Stolichnaya member
    Wow....I've never heard of that.  A shower without the mom-to-be being there?  Weird.
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    cynnnabuncynnnabun member

    Ive actually been to 2 showers like this. The recent one I went too, my cousin, lives in TN in the Air Force. Her mom threw a shower and we all brought presents unwrapped, and then wrapped them there. We video taped the whole thing and sent her the tape with the presents.

    Was it weird? Yea. It was definitely different. But we have a lot of family here, and she doesn't have as many people in TN. She had a real shower there too with the family she does have, but this way, we all got to be in on it, too. IDK. I'm not totally against the idea. But it is definitely different.

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    htomeohtomeo member
    Maybe let her know that you and your DH would love to have a "Baby Welcoming" party instead. That way the gift givers can meet the baby.  It does seem random that she would do this.
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    sassy1357sassy1357
    My MIL did this.  We didn't even get invited or know about it until the last minute. I think it's strange....but whatever.  The invites had already gone out, so it was past the point of return.  I just hope no one thought it was my idea!
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    sashasmommysashasmommy

    My aunt did this for my wedding shower.  I was not planning on having a shower at all initially because we were not planning on inviting that many people.  Then we ended up inviting all the aunts/uncles/cousins, etc.

     I was on a business trip and my mom calls me to say that my aunt is having a shower for me the next week, and could I just call in on the phone and talk to everyone??  I'm like, "wha?"  There was no way I could go home for it because I had stuff at work that I could not miss (not to mention buying a last minute plane ticket, no idea how much that would have cost.)  I asked her if she could have it some other time and I could go home for it, and she said that she already sent out the invitations.

     So we Skyped it.  It was SO FUNNY.  Everyone at the shower was having a grand old time without me... they had made a cake (that they held up so I could see on Skype), and they had all this food.  There was a lively discussion about how to do the gifts... first each person was going to open the present they brought, and then they decided that there was no surprise factor in that, so they traded gifts and each person open someone else's gift in front of the camera. 

     It was absolutely hilarious, and they all had a great time.  I did, too, but I missed out on all the food.

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