NICU MOMMAS

MeL2185

Does it get any easier. I am dying here. Every single minute of every day and night I am thinking of my girls. I visit them twice a day and get upset every time I leave. I can't stop crying all day. I just want them home. Everyone says oh they will be home soon, but if feels like a lifetime and its hurt like crazy...

 

jbl126

yeah when they are already home for a few months and the days of visiting them in the NICU are a memory.  My girls were in the NICU for two weeks and I went twice a day to visit and didnt think is was enough.  I hated leaving them and having everyone ask me when they would be home.  Just take it one day at a time.  And know they are in the best place right now to get healthy and come home that way.

babyhyem

I'm not a NICU mama, but I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you (I think our original due dates were fairly close).. and I hope your girls get to come home soon. Hang in there. Tons of hugs your way!

finallyreilly

For me it was good and bad days - none were easy though.  I felt like my heart was breaking all the time.  Honestly, NICU was the hardest 4 weeks of my life.  Keep in mind, you are also having a change of hormones so that certainly does not help the whole emotional roller coaster.  Some good advice that I got from NICU mommies was to cry when you need to and get it out, but try to do it in the car or at home and not in the NICU.   Also know that it will come to an end and they will be home with you.  Don't worry about what you think that they are missing by being there, just make the most of the time that you spend with them. 

It is hard, but hang in there ((HUGS))

SLM05

That was such a hard time!  Like pp said there are good and bad days and while i never beleived it when we went through it, it is now a distant memory!  We got an invitationt o the NICU fall festival /reunion.  It's funny, i want to do but DH does not.  He said that whole time was so hard and a bad memory.  Hugs and just try your best to know they have to be there so you have to just do the best you can, which you already are:)

Haven1

::hugs::

Every time someone told me, "they'll be home before you know it" I'd get mad.  How does that make me feel better NOW?!  Or they'd say, "Oh it's nice that you can get some sleep though."  Um, I'd gladly give up sleep to NOT HAVE MY BABIES IN BOXES ACROSS TOWN!

I was a bit of a short fuse, clearly.

Just know you're not alone.  I always say that I wouldn't wish NICU time on my worst enemy.  I would tell them "good bye, I love you, I miss you" every time we left, and I still can't even think about saying it without choking up.  Those NICU memories stay with you.

We found out the night before we were supposed to bring them both home that one baby crapped blood and had to stay.  I melted down and had a sobbing fit about everything I hated about that place.  Everything from having to call and be buzzed in to see my own children to not being able to take them more than two feet from their crib because of all the wires.  It wasn't pretty.

But with all the bad, there was some good.  I can honestly say we are much more confident, informed, and comfortable parents because of their stay in the NICU.  We had full access to expert nurses, doctors, and lactation consultants.  Most people who leave the hospital right away have no idea what they're doing and have to figure it out on their own.  We left knowing that our boys weren't as floppy as we thought.  We left knowing what behavior was "normal".  And we left knowing that we absolutely could be great parents because we had a whole group of experts telling us we were doing all the right things.

Very best wishes to you and your DH.

janjag

The thing that put it in perspective was to see the 24wker born the same day, and DH's co-worker's baby born the night before at 30wks.  We had a rough road with the pregnancy and were very grateful to have made it to 33w4d with essentially feeders/growers.

No, it's not fair and it sucks, but your babies need this special, temporary care and they are lucky to have a mommy who loves them so much!  {{Hugs}}

ChaynBill

I'll be honest w/ you.  It does not get better or easier until they are home where they belong.  I cried every day while I was there and while I was home away from them.  Just know that they are there B/C they need to be and they are getting great care.  When they are ready they will be released to you and you will be able to enjoy them.  There is nothing better than having them home.  My twins were born at 33 weeks.  Baby B was in the NICU for 2 weeks and baby A was there for 4 weeks.  When they came home they were healthy and I felt that they were safe to be there.  Good luck!

dulcinea03

Haven1:

::hugs::

Every time someone told me, "they'll be home before you know it" I'd get mad.  How does that make me feel better NOW?!  Or they'd say, "Oh it's nice that you can get some sleep though."  Um, I'd gladly give up sleep to NOT HAVE MY BABIES IN BOXES ACROSS TOWN!

I was a bit of a short fuse, clearly.

Just know you're not alone.  I always say that I wouldn't wish NICU time on my worst enemy.  I would tell them "good bye, I love you, I miss you" every time we left, and I still can't even think about saying it without choking up.  Those NICU memories stay with you.

We found out the night before we were supposed to bring them both home that one baby crapped blood and had to stay.  I melted down and had a sobbing fit about everything I hated about that place.  Everything from having to call and be buzzed in to see my own children to not being able to take them more than two feet from their crib because of all the wires.  It wasn't pretty.

But with all the bad, there was some good.  I can honestly say we are much more confident, informed, and comfortable parents because of their stay in the NICU.  We had full access to expert nurses, doctors, and lactation consultants.  Most people who leave the hospital right away have no idea what they're doing and have to figure it out on their own.  We left knowing that our boys weren't as floppy as we thought.  We left knowing what behavior was "normal".  And we left knowing that we absolutely could be great parents because we had a whole group of experts telling us we were doing all the right things.

Very best wishes to you and your DH.

Substitute being in for 2 weeks instead of 4, and I could have written this post, temper tantrum and all. Mine was over Twin B failing her carseat test, which sounds so inconsequential, but it was the straw that broke me. I clearly remember the guilt, the frustration, and the sadness of having to leave my girls every night.

I also agree wholeheartedly that when they came home, we were better parents than we would have been otherwise, and our NICU did a fantastic job of getting DH as involved as possible. He changed diapers, did vitals, bottle fed babies, burped babies, snuggled, and held them right along side me the entire time we were there. So both of us had a level of confidence that we really could do this that I don't think we would have had otherwise. I had fantastic lactation resources, which I think was the key to being able to nurse them the way that I have. We have a personal relationship with their ped, and he really knows who we/they are, not just a name on a chart.

As hard as it is (and I know it is HARD) try to focus on the prize, and gain as much knowledge and insight into your children as you can. Use all the resources available to you and your LO's. I promise that in 4 months this will all be a distant memory, and while you'll still remember it sucking, it won't be as painful. Your babies will come home, and you will be able to pick up and be the mommy you want to be.

nolachick11

I went through the same thing.  Mine were in there 23 days.  While they were in there I also visited twice a day, in the morning w/ my sis and in the evening w/ dh.  Everything else during that time was a big blur to me.  And it did hurt when others would say oh they'll be home soon.  But what helped me a little is that I knew they were receiving excellent care and I just prayed each day for them to get bigger and stronger.  I also took advantage of my sleep while they were in there and took naps in between seeing them.  I'm sure you are probably thinking "how can I sleep" but I think I was just so sad that they weren't home that I would just get my rest so I could be strong when I went to see them, if that makes any sense.  (((hugs))) i'll be thinking of you.

 

Also, the preemie board was very helpful

benkari

Mine were there 26-35 days and it was horrible the entire time!  DH was coming home for 3 days out of the week for chemo treatments on top of it all and I just cried the entire time I was at my aunt's.  Once they are home it becomes a distant memory!

busybea

I've always said that everyone on this planet should take a walk in the NICU and see how it humbles them.  It was very hard to leave my boys there, I also, would visit 2-3 times a day and bring BM and feed them, bathe them, change them.  Like the PP mentioned, I think it also got me "ready" for them when they got home.  Changing their tiny little diapers and lifting their tiny little legs in the NICU prepared me for their home care.  Something I never had to experience with DS1 (he was 9.5lbs).  Know that your LO's are getting the best care possible, those NICU nurses are fantastic angels!  I wanted my boys home so bad that I kept asking every day, but all the nurses would say is "one day at a time".  I,for one, am glad they stayed longer (Baby A was in for 2wks and BabyB was in for 3 wks) as the morning of discharge, baby B had an Apneic attack and turned blue.  If that would have happened at home during the night, he may have not survived.  I'm grateful for the NICU and all the excellent care they gave to my boys.  Your LO's will come home in due time, I know it's long but they're in excellent care.  {{HUGS}}

ougrad1

Get your rest while you can.  They'll be home really soon and this will be a distant memory.

 

susanc07

mine were there for 92 days.  now they are happy, mobile, jabbering 10 month olds.  it really does feel like those 3 months were just an awful dream. 

while you are there, it won't get better, and i won't tell you it will.  at least it never did for me.  it actually got worse as they got bigger and, in my case, they were ready to come except for the docs regulating BP meds!  they were eating and off 02 and I could have taken care of them.  it was hard every single day. 

but they day you bring them home...that will make every day they spent there worth it.

just know you have a lot of people thinking of you all.

Haven1

I forgot the part about my DH getting involved in the NICU.  I know he woudl have jumped in and helped at home, but he really benefited from the handholding by the NICU staff.  He had no idea what he was doing, and honestly, I didn't either.  The fact that he got to practice feeding, changing, holding, burping, bathing and everything else without me fumbling around next to him trying to teach him made him into an even better father.

Abbe

finallyreilly:

For me it was good and bad days - none were easy though.  I felt like my heart was breaking all the time.  Honestly, NICU was the hardest 4 weeks of my life.  Keep in mind, you are also having a change of hormones so that certainly does not help the whole emotional roller coaster.  

This exactly...one dd came home after 4 weeks and the other dd after 6 weeks.  I had so many ups and downs and usually the only times I felt okay were when I was with the girls in the hospital.  Still,try to get some rest for yourself because being exhausted only makes you feel even more emotionally drained.  I used to say I couldn't wait to have the babies home and be like all the other exhausted new moms.  No one seemed to understand how I could be looking forward to complete chaos and sleepless nights, but any mom who had their child in the NICU for any period of time can understand I'm sure.  Hang in there...someday soon, the NICU will be a distant memory.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.