advice please!!

KHalstead81

I was divorced when DS was 6 mo. old.

I have been dating Brandon from when DS was 10 mo old to current, 19 mo. old and we are moving in together later this month and will get married.

DS is EXTREMELY clingy to Brandon, more so than me alot of the time. He sees his real dad only 3-4 days a month.

DS is just now starting to talk...I need your opinion on what you would have DS call Brandon. It makes sense around the house to say "mommy & daddy". But I also don't want to confuse him and take that away from his real dad.

MIL is trying to think of what to call him to DS also b/c she doesn't think he will be able to say his name.

 What do you think???

 

Thanks!!!!

kiwi443

What does he call his birth father? Could one be Daddy and the other Dad?

Your son is super cute. I love his coloring.

Mama Jan

Personally, I don't think calling two people Dad will confuse him, it will be his reality.

But I also wouldn't worry about whether or not he can say Brandon.  He will use his own word for it until he can say it himself.  Since you plan to marry Brandon, picture your family 8-10 years from now... what do you want your DS to call Brandon?  That's what I would go with.

ETA: if you have this kind of relationship with your DS's dad, I would ask HIM how he feels about Brandon being called Dad also... I think he should have a say in that.

Jessica0624

Mama Jan:

Personally, I don't think calling two people Dad will confuse him, it will be his reality.

But I also wouldn't worry about whether or not he can say Brandon.  He will use his own word for it until he can say it himself.  Since you plan to marry Brandon, picture your family 8-10 years from now... what do you want your DS to call Brandon?  That's what I would go with.

This is very tricky. I got with DH when his daughter (previous relationship) was 2 years old. She has always called me Jessica but at times would call me mom. Fast forward to today. Her father and I are married and have been together for almost 10 years. She still calls me Jessica due to her mother flipping out that she called me MOM!

  Honestly, It does not bother me if she called me mom or by my name. I never forced the issue with her and told her to call me what she felt was comfortable for her.

 But this is my sitiutation and its very different from yours. That is just what I have had to deal with. Her mother is a real piece of work.

KHalstead81

he doesnt call his real Dad anything yet...he is only just now starting to say a few words but every once in awhile we catch a da-da in there and I didnt know if we should encourage it or not and how.

emiliemadison

What does Brandon want to be called? He is, effectually, your son's "daddy". He loves him, cares for him, and is raising him. I think Daddy is entirely appropriate because that's what he is. Bio dad can be "Dad". It wont be confusing because it will be all he knows.

Lizard2022

How does your bf feel about it?  I'm a stepmom full time, and DH's youngest was just about 3 when we met.  I definitely didn't want to be called mom because I didn't want the boys to think I was trying to replace their mom at all (even though she's a drug addict and prostitute, they already have one mom, even if she's a crappy one)  Its different with stepmoms vs. stepdads though. 

I just let my stepsons call me by my first name.  I agree with pp, even though he can't say "Brandon" right now he will figure out a nickname for him. 

KHalstead81

well I assume DS will call him whatever we call him to him right now. If we go around saying Brandon I agree he will come up with a name for him on his on whatever he can say. But I didnt know if it was appropriate for me to say "take it to daddy" or things like this. Because then im sure he will start calling him da-da.

I know his real dad would have a fit about this I'm sure b/c he is pretty crazy...but he is also in jail, multiple issues, etc.

sam19

How would you ex feel about DS calling him dad? How would you fiance' feel about it?

I think it's best to let your DS decide what he wants to call him. Do you have a nickname of some sort for your fiance?

tarebear9891

I guess I personally feel that unless your ex would be ok with your DS calling Brandon "daddy" you shouldn't do it. What if the situation were reverse...would you want your DS calling someone else "mom"? I just think you probably don't want to start that fight (but in reality your DS will call him what he wants to).

JLGY

Lizard2022:

How does your bf feel about it?  I'm a stepmom full time, and DH's youngest was just about 3 when we met.  I definitely didn't want to be called mom because I didn't want the boys to think I was trying to replace their mom at all (even though she's a drug addict and prostitute, they already have one mom, even if she's a crappy one)  Its different with stepmoms vs. stepdads though. 

I just let my stepsons call me by my first name.  I agree with pp, even though he can't say "Brandon" right now he will figure out a nickname for him. 

Me too. I didn't want to be called Mom, because I'm not SS's mom. He calls me by my first name, and that's how I like it. I still play an influencial role in his life, but I'm not his mom. I would also think about having the roles reversed... could you imagine your LO calling someone else 'mom?! Not me. Ok- I hope you don't get offended by this, but I'm trying to be honest.... You said you've only been dating the guy for 9 months total... I, personally, would not be comfortable with my DD calling someone Dad after only dating them for 9 months... JMO!!