What is wrong wtih me?

Nature Lover

This whole process is so mind-boggling. My hubby and I have been trying to conceive for two years.  The first 6 months we weren't using protection but trying to use the rhythm method so weren't really trying, the next 6 montsh we stopped trying to preent but weren't trying to conceive.  The past year we have tried to have sex when we think I'm ovulating, tried to make sure I laid still after with hips elevated,  all of that stuff.  I am so discouraged.  At 36.5 I feel like I'm running out of time.  I haven't wanted to go to a RE b/c that means admitting there's a problem.  My gynecologist did a few blood tests ans they were fine.  My chiropractor gave me a month long salaiva test to check hormone levels and acupuncture to help conceive.  Nothing. 

 

Now my gyno told me to see a RE.  I was so scared to amke teh appointment but did, and then called to cancel after they told me I had to call my insurance company and register with the "infertility hotline" and sent me a huge stack of papers abotu the financial obligations.  I burst out ctrying that night when my husband got home - and I am NOT an emotional person.  I figure if I can't handle this part, I certainly can't handle the months and years it takes to go down the IVF path if there is something wrong.

 

I just keep wondering what is wrong with me.  And I get angry at people who complain that they are having trouble conceiving a second child.  I irrationally think that they should just be happy that they could have one.  I know that's not fair.  The thing is, I wouldn't even mind adopting, or maybe even not having a baby.  But hubby really wnats one and I feel awful to not be able to give him what he wants.  I KNOW that it very well may not be me and the problem could lie with him, but I still feel bad that he wants a baby and togther we can't make one.

The whole path ahead seems mind boggling.  How do you do it?

CityPixie

I really looked forward to the RE.  I felt like, why waste time?  This is the turbo charged way.  Everything they find is an opportunity to fix the problem and get closer.  I really wish you all the best!

-Pix

 

itsmevkb

As you state in your post, there may not be anything wrong with you at all.  Has your husband had a sperm analysis done?  You wouldn't even need to see a RE to have that done.

I think it's normal to be a little intimated by going to see a specialist.  It's scary to think that there could be something really wrong and so right now you're choosing denial.  You may be surprised and find that you'd actually be better able to handle your emotions if you knew what was issue is and knew you had a plan to deal with it.  I've been through just trying on our own, using clomid, doing IUIs and finally an IVF and I actually felt less stressed during my medicated, controlled cycles.

Just try and next each step by itself.  If you think about everything ahead of you you'll never even take the first step so instead just think about the first step and then worry about the second step only one you need to.

met_at_the_ball

I second having an SA you can see why in the "Male Factor" post. I have moved from what is wrong with us to why is something wrong with us. It is a path, one that we all must take and are here to support one another and relate. GL!

10-4LilBuddy

I had to register with the "infertility hotline" for Aetna.  It was really easy and the lady was really nice.  They do this so they can make sure to get everything sent out to you at once.  They give you a pre-approval code that you provide your RE and the RE is then responsible for filing for every visit / procedure from that point on. 

nursesrh

I know how you feel, but be thankful that you have a supportive husband and insurance coverage. Take one step at a time. I promise that it won't be as bad as you think:)

ForTheLoveOf Pink

It is so true you need to take one step at a time, which is SO difficult. The mind is a wonderful thing but it plays tricks!!!! You second guess yourself and somedays just want to give up, but that thought of finally having a child in your life makes all the prodeedures not seem as bad.

Nature Lover

thank you all.  I think this forum is going to be amazingly helpful for me.

 

I did go to the RE and hubby went with.  I thought I had obsessively researched everything under the sun but we still learned lots and I DO indeed feel better having a plan.  I also learned today that my insurance won't pay for fertility treatments (like IVF) which I knew but it WILL pay for fertility oral meds and injectables.  I don't know if I will need those, but I was super happy to learn that. I am thinking "we can do this"!  Although I suppose it is a roller coaster.  I should be ovulating now so am just hoping we can get this thing done the old fashioned way and magically be pregnant before the next RE appointment.  WOuldn't that be nice :-)