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Multiples
Having twins after a singleton
Hi Ladies,
I'm brand new to this board. I just found out that I'm expecting twins in May. I currently have a 21 month old and I'm curious if anyone out there could give me advice on having twins after a single child. Actually, I'll take any and all advice about twins in general 
Maria
After 27 months, 5 IUI's, 3 m/c's, 2 IVF's, 2 FET's (and a partridge in a pear tree) we finally had our baby boy. Our first son was born on Jan. 1, 2009.
Did another round of IVF and our girl/boy twins were born May 12, 2011
After 27 months, 5 IUI's, 3 m/c's, 2 IVF's, 2 FET's (and a partridge in a pear tree) we finally had our baby boy. Our first son was born on Jan. 1, 2009.
Did another round of IVF and our girl/boy twins were born May 12, 2011
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Having twins after a singleton
Congratulations!!
It's exhausting, but it's a lot of fun. I don't have any specific advice, really, other than to take it one day at a time and listen to your body.
Congratulations on expecting twins!!! My DS was 27 months when my twins came and the past two months have been a whirlwind of craziness. One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to be PATIENT with your older DC. The first two weeks home my son woke up 1-2 times a night, something he has not done, unless sick, since he was 8 weeks old. He tends to throw more temper tantrums now, especially if I am holding one of the twins and he needs my attention.
I will say that one of the best things I have been doing is including my son in helping with the twins...getting diapers, helping to feed them, putting a blanket on them, playing with them on the floor, etc.....this has helped him get used to them being here as well as he feels special because he is helping me.
I also make sure to play with him on a regular basis. If one or both the twins are up and need my attention, I hold the LO in my lap, and sit on the floor & play cars or whatever activity he wants to do.
Lastly, my DH & I have set a routine at night. DH gives DS a bath while I feed the twins (or vice versa) and then when the twins have fallen asleep we allow our older son to stay up a little longer to spend time with us.
The first few weeks I found to be the hardest but now that we are into a routine and what not things have been much easier. Hope this helps!!
My DD is 28 months, and my twins are 8 weeks. My advice:
stock your freezer - you won't be cooking for a while after the twins are born, unless you somehow escape the witching hour.
accept all help that is offered. even if you don't think you need it.
try to spend one on one time with your older child as much as you can. Going to target with just DD is a treat now.
set expectations with your husband - you will need him way more than you did with your singleton.
Congrats! I'm sorry I don't have much advice for you- I am right where you are.
My son is 19 months, and our twin boys are expected soon. From where I am, we worked pretty early on in the nursery and whatnot- as you will see it's harder to get things done at the end and chase a toddler.
Good luck to you! People do this every day, and once we get our own groove we can too
congrats and welcome!
there are a ton of us 1+ twins on here.... so ask specific questions as they come up and we're here to help.
it's not so bad... esp since your 1st will be a little older when the twins come. It's the MoMs who's DC1 is under 2y/o that i feel bad for - THAT is not easy!
My son was 2y2mo when the twins were born - and he did really well with it... they are all buddies now - i LOVE watching them play together and know it will only become more fun as they grow.
It's harder than I could have ever imagined. Call me crazy but, it's not a lot of fun yet either.
I'd, without question, get you oldest in a mother's day out or preschool program for at least half a day everyday or you won't survive the first couple of months. I would also work on getting him/her into a big kid bed prior to the twins.
I hate to be a downer but, it's something constantly. Constantly.
The other day I saw a lady with two year old twins at the dr office and I said, "tell me it gets better." She replied, "anyone that tells you it gets better is a liar. It gets different but, it doesn't get better."
GL!
This happened to me in BRU when the twins were two weeks old (and little did I realize the easiest they'll ever be). I said I couldn't wait to get out of the newborn stage to a guy with 14 mo old twins and he warned me that it's harder once they move around.
Our toddler is still getting used to it. It's not as bad as when we first got home but she still asks to go to school when she used to say she didn't want to go and asks to go to Nana's (where she is now). There is lots of attention getting actions. I let a lot go and try to have more patience. For her birthday I got her some toys (board games and legos) that I could play with her while holding the babies. Before the babies came, I had tons of stuff delivered to the house since it was too hard to go shop around, etc. I made sure to deliver stuff for her room too so she didn't feel left out. I also schedule visitors while she's at preschool to reduce how much attention she sees the babies get.
Congratulations! I'm so glad I had one first; I got to get through the first-time scares with just one. I think twins first would be so hard!
My first was 19 months when the twins were born and it was actually very easy from the standpoint that she was old enough to do somethings for herself, but not old enough to really be jealous. I don't think she remembers life prebabies. I'm happy for that. On the other hand, I think it wouldn't be horrible to have babies now- she loves them and asks for more babies. You may be surprised!
Things I did: Showed her youtube videos every day of twins laughing crying doing anything. I flew my 19 yr. old niece out and she stayed with us for about 4 weeks before the babies came and Alex felt safe and comfortable with her and knew she was here all the time. This was HUGE when I was in the hospital. That was actually my biggest fear.
When the twins came, she was annointed the Sock Boss. SHe was "responsible" for making sure the babies kept their socks on and would either try to put them on or ask for help. She took that very seriously and loved the job. She loved to help and would rub their backs while I nursed them. I spent my pregnancy devestated about how I was ruining her "one and only" status. She loves it!
I agree- make DC#1 a priority, especially in the beginning. Don't act tentative. They read your nervousness and internalize it. Be as matter-of-fact. Let DC make decisions with the family. I was crushed when I came home from the hospital with DD#2 (DS in NICU) and she flashed me a grin, but shrieked- "I wanna see baby!" and blew me off and fought my snuggles off so she could see the baby.
It didn't get hard until the twins were mobile and getting into her stuff. Brace for that! We have cordoned off I big part of our family room and it is her "library." She keeps her favorite things in there, has a desk to do puzzles, color... she scales furniture to get in and the twins can't get in. It's nice for her.
Ugh. You'll figure it out as you go. We do many things throughout the day together, but I do one special thing with her when the twins nap. Balance and enthusiasm go a long way. Good luck!
First of all congrats!
I have to say it is extremely hard and if you are offered help, any kind of help, please take it ... or you will pull your hair out. I know, I have bald spots (hehehe)
If you are putting your LO in a toddler bed, do it now or not at all, IOW do not move any of his/her stuff after the twins arrive or he/she will feel kicked out and then see the twins and may feel jealous. Also, very important, you must always show affection/interest towards your first child before you do anything with your twins after they arrive. The twins will not know any different but your DS/DD will. It has worked wonders for me and all it takes is a hug or a kiss or just a few seconds to show that your LO still matters and they still feel like your #1.
Let us know how we can help you, we're all here for you ...
)
Do you currently work? Will you return to work? I think advice and experience is at least partially dependent upon these things.
DS was about 2yrs 5mos when the twins were born. We definitely built up the big brother role before they came. He was still sleeping in the crib and not potty trained when they came.
We kept DS#1 in Full-time daycare while I was on maternity leave. I would have been even more of a basket case during the 1st 6 weeks if I'd had him home too.
4-9pm was the worst for us - trying to juggle dinner, attention, and bedtime for DS#1 while feeding and soothing 2 infants was really challenging. DS#1 would get very hyper and need attention. We got help from family. I also had help 3-4 mornings a week so I could get DS off to daycare without bringing the babies along.
I went back to work when the babies were 13 weeks. Now, all 3 are in daycare. DS#1 has adjusted very well, and he is pretty good with the babies. He even transitioned smoothly to a toddler bed over the summer AND somewhat spontaneously potty trained 2 weeks ago.
If only we can get the babies to consistently sleep through the night!
You'll do fine if you have support, and can accept that you won't get much done aside from tending to children's needs!
Like pp said, there are a bunch of use that have 1+ twins. My DS was 15.5 months old when the twins were born. We just kept talking about how he was going to have two brothers. I got him a baby doll (a boyish one per DH's request) We tried to explain to him that the babies would be here and that he would get to help. He didn't understand, but we tried to explain it. He stayed with his Aunt and Cousin who is the same age as him while I was in the hospital and he also went to the babysitter like normal. We tried to keep his routine the same even though we wern't there.
The first day he came up to the hospital, I made sure that when he walked in, I wasn't holding the boys. I wanted him to know that my attention was on him at that point in time. He then held them while sitting with me and he didn't know what to do with them. He was too preoccupied with the different things there in the hospital room to really care about the babies. Once we got home, we made sure to encourage him to help by putting pacifiers back in their mouths, getting diapers or blankets for them, and doing little things that made him feel important. One thing that I thought was really important was if he was crying or needed something, I tended to him first, even if the twins were crying. If they were taken care of (ie dry diapers, fed, etc) I would help him because he could understand if I was doing things for the babies and not for him. The babies didn't understand that.
Having snacks for him and for me was really important. I would make sure that I didn't have to cook a big meal for breakfast or lunch. It would make the day that much less stressful. Spending one on one time with him while the babies were asleep was also something we did alot of. (BTW, if you can get them on somewhat of the same routine, have them all nap at the same time. This made a world of difference. Weather I had a little bit of time to clean or to nap myself, it was awesome.) Take help. If someone volunteers to take your older child, let them. It will make them feel important and you can focus on the babies. If someone wants to come and watch the babies, take the older one and run to the store or take him to the park for a half an hour. These things will help.
Breastfeeding didn't work for us so I was pumping. While I pumped, my older son got into everything. Have some activities that he can do next to you or near you while you are bf/pumping. Books, activity books, puzzles, something to keep his attention so he isn't running around getting into everything/trouble. Be patient with him. Things change so much and its hard for them to adjust so quickly. Play up the fact that he is the BIG brother and that title comes with so many perks. My son loves to tell everyone that there are his 'bubbies.' He points them out to everyone he meets. Like pp said, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them!