the spanking poll below makes me wonder...

summerbrideDC

how many of the 66% of people who answered spanked because they lost their cool & regretted it versus how many people spank because they 'believe' in it as a form of discipline. 

I have neighbors whose children all have paddles with their names on them in their room for when "they need to be disciplined".  I had one of those kids offer to go and get theirs once when I was putting Ethan in a time out during a play date (obviously that offer did not go over well in my house).  So I know that mindset is alive and well out there in our culture.  But I was surprised to see such a heavy majority of people on this board answer that they've spanked & it makes me wonder how many of them do it b/c it's part of their parenting strategy versus just losing their cool once or twice.   

cbidt*sgirl

Interesting question. I also wonder how the intended spanking vs. an impulsive spanking effects the child. In some ways the impulsive spanking seems more forgivable (I'm a no spank household) but a calm premeditated spank is probably less scary to a child.

lsufan

I wondered the same thing.  I answered yes, and for me it was a time when I just lost my cool and didn't know what else to do.  As bad as it is to spank out of anger, I find the other option to be way creepy.

meghans30

I spanked last night because I losy my cool. This is not our normal discipline policy. I can't imagine having paddles with my children's name on them...

femmegem

As I stated in the post below, I never intended to spank and I hope to God I never lose it enough to do so again. I hate myself for going there. I have to force myself to walk away next time I get that angry.

JennJim2006

I responded in the poll post to explain that I spanked once and it was out of frustration and not knowing what else to do.  I haven't spanked since and my husband and I agree it is not what we want for a discipline strategy.  I walk away when I need to.

belle204

I didn't answer that poll but if I spank it is intentional. They are far and few between but she knows before I do and that if it comes down to a spanking I mean business. She's usually been given other options or chances and they didn't work. I believe you can discipline a child effectively through spanking without harming them physically or emotionally. If you're *beating* them now that's a problem. I've said several times before, we got spankings as a children (whoopings if you've got a black mama) and it didn't make me scared of anyone or ruin me. I was brought up with the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality. I have struggled with the whole "how can I lay my hand on her but teach her not to hit others" and it is something I do go back-and-forth on. But, again, spankings are not a regular occurrence in our house ... my looks & tone generally get the job done.

Dimplz

belle204:

I didn't answer that poll but if I spank it is intentional. They are far and few between but she knows before I do and that if it comes down to a spanking I mean business. She's usually been given other options or chances and they didn't work. I believe you can discipline a child effectively through spanking without harming them physically or emotionally. If you're *beating* them now that's a problem. I've said several times before, we got spankings as a children (whoopings if you've got a black mama) and it didn't make me scared of anyone or ruin me. I was brought up with the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality. I have struggled with the whole "how can I lay my hand on her but teach her not to hit others" and it is something I do go back-and-forth on. But, again, spankings are not a regular occurrence in our house ... my looks & tone generally get the job done.

This is my response word for word as well, including the part about whoopings!

shopgirl78

IDK.  And I am not sure if there is a way to find out because I don't think many people will admit to spanking even under a SN, maybe under an AE. I think that generally people know that there are better ways to discipline and there are some strong anti-spanking opinions among popular nesties.  Really, who wants to be flamed?!?

I do believe that there would be a significant difference though under those with one child versus though with more than one.  It is a whole lot harder to remain calm and focused when your body/mind is being pulled between several children. I might test my hypothesis.

Of the times that DS1 was spanked, he had ran from me in public putting not only himself in danger (running toward a road) but his siblings.  One time, I literally had to set the infant carrier down and leave DD and DS2 behind (10-15 feet) to grab his butt before running in the road.  (He had got away from me...DS2 was real young and I was still trying to get the hang of having three out and about). He did that a couple of times, he has gotten spanked a couple of times....we no longer have this issue.   I am not saying that spankings worked because I also changed my behavior in order control his.  He is always the first person in the car and last one out, etc... 

Finally, I don't believe the bump/nest is that far from reality under the surface.  (Spanking is quite common here, when you hear a kid crying around here, its not uncommon for them to say, "I don't want a spanking" while whining). 

praline

I just think spanking is wrong.  I was spanked.  I am not traumatized as a result (or if I am...I don't know it, lol).  I knew my parents loved me and it didn't make me question that.

BUT it was ineffective and the "easy" way out for my parents.  Yes, swatting your kid when you are frustrated and at your wits end is doing something, and maybe releases a little tension in the parent.  But trying to figure out strategies that don't rely upon physical intimidation are more effective in the long run. I think spanking is bad parenting (the premeditated kind).  I just do.  There are so many other effective ways to discipline children that work and that will suffice that to HIT them is unneccesary.

Seriously, when you spank, you HIT your children.  Hands are not for hitting!  lol  (but seriously)  Total mixed message.  Bad (lazy) parenting.

ali-1411

belle204:

I didn't answer that poll but if I spank it is intentional. They are far and few between but she knows before I do and that if it comes down to a spanking I mean business. She's usually been given other options or chances and they didn't work. I believe you can discipline a child effectively through spanking without harming them physically or emotionally. If you're *beating* them now that's a problem. I've said several times before, we got spankings as a children (whoopings if you've got a black mama) and it didn't make me scared of anyone or ruin me. I was brought up with the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality. I have struggled with the whole "how can I lay my hand on her but teach her not to hit others" and it is something I do go back-and-forth on. But, again, spankings are not a regular occurrence in our house ... my looks & tone generally get the job done.

Ditta all this, except my cracker mama called it a 'beating' 

Mrs Manners

belle204:

I didn't answer that poll but if I spank it is intentional. They are far and few between but she knows before I do and that if it comes down to a spanking I mean business. She's usually been given other options or chances and they didn't work. I believe you can discipline a child effectively through spanking without harming them physically or emotionally. If you're *beating* them now that's a problem. I've said several times before, we got spankings as a children (whoopings if you've got a black mama) and it didn't make me scared of anyone or ruin me. I was brought up with the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality. I have struggled with the whole "how can I lay my hand on her but teach her not to hit others" and it is something I do go back-and-forth on. But, again, spankings are not a regular occurrence in our house ... my looks & tone generally get the job done.

This exactly. I couldn't have said it any better.

firefightersgal

I agree with a lot of what Belle said.  My DD gets a spank if all other options have been exhausted.  First, she gets a warning to stop whatever behavior she is doing, then I count to three (that usually works), then she gets a time-out if I get to three (all the while warning her that a TO is coming), then there are several attempts at TO.  If she keeps coming out of her room, screaming, I count to three again, explaining to her that she will get a spank if the behavior continues.  If she does not comply, she gets one pop on the butt and put back in TO.  I have never had to give her more than one swat.

Maybe I'm doing it all wrong, who knows, but it works for us.  I didn't plan on spaking my child, but if all else fails, one single swat on the butt usually takes care of the problem.

ETA: I paddle her bottom just as 'hard' when we are playing as I do when she's in major trouble.  She laughs and is silly about it, then.

Jermysgirl

I spanked exactly once when I had absolutely lost my shizz.  I cried harder than she did and I called DH to come home so I could leave.  I felt like the world's biggest bully.

Time out is much more effective and easier on both of us.

LittleMamaB

I am another who agrees with belle...but I'm having issues with Miles hitting now, so who am I to talk? LOL.

 

jlw2505

Sorry but I so do not buy the "I use spanking as a last resort when nothing else is working" excuse.  I don't buy it at all and I don't understand how someone thinks that hitting is anything other than hitting.  If you or your child are at your wits end and nothing seems to work, you both need to cool down in different rooms.  Out your child in their room (make sure it is child proofed) and if they won't stay in - stand in the hall holding the door shut but leave them be until they burn off the energy and you both calm down.  So what if they take all the clothes out of their drawers - have them clean it up with you later when you are both calm.  Hitting is hitting period.

belle204

Who cares if anyones "buys it" or not and it's not about losing your temper b/c chances are I'm actually pretty calm about it. It also doesn't make anyone a bad or lazy parent. If that's the case I'll make sure to point that out to the "screamers" next time someone loses their sh*t b/c certainly that can't be great parenting or an example that we don't yell. My philosophy is do what works best for your family/child and don't concern yourself with what others are doing.

britanyd

belle204:

Who cares if anyones "buys it" or not and it's not about losing your temper b/c chances are I'm actually pretty calm about it. It also doesn't make anyone a bad or lazy parent. If that's the case I'll make sure to point that out to the "screamers" next time someone loses their sh*t b/c certainly that can't be great parenting or an example that we don't yell. My philosophy is do what works best for your family/child and don't concern yourself with what others are doing.

 This.  To call someone out as "bad" or "lazy" because they do things differently.... well that's just sh*tty.

BubblyToes

I lost it and spanked W once.  I still can't stand to think about it.  Never again.

I cannot imagine the premeditated spanking, or using it as a method of instilling fear in your child.  That's horrible.  And if you do that, then you're a shitty excuse for a parent.

JOEBunny

I have never lost my "cool" with my child and spanked them.  I have spanked my DD because it is a) very effective b) the appropriate punishment for some specific and dangerous/hurtful actions she has done IMO.  I don't spank her because she won't put on her shoes, but I do if she runs into the street or some other physically dangerous activity to herself or others.  Just like any method, it doesn't work for every child.  I have only spanked her a few times, but it has been highly effective. 

I also agree with the poster who said that when you have more than one child, they used it because it put all the kids in danger when the older one doesn't listen in some situations.  I have a 0 tolerance on that.  I have to. 

You seem to get up on your high horse about this for some reason, why is that?

 

praline

belle204:

Who cares if anyones "buys it" or not and it's not about losing your temper b/c chances are I'm actually pretty calm about it. It also doesn't make anyone a bad or lazy parent. If that's the case I'll make sure to point that out to the "screamers" next time someone loses their sh*t b/c certainly that can't be great parenting or an example that we don't yell. My philosophy is do what works best for your family/child and don't concern yourself with what others are doing.

 Well, yes, of course screaming at your kid is bad parenting.  It doesn't make you a bad parent altogether (nor does spanking) but it is an example of what I think is bad parenting.  And I have yelled at my DD and I feel terrible about it and that is because I think it's wrong (and ineffective, and sends the wrong message about how to handle adversity and frustration...all things I also think about spanking).  The analogy is actually a good one, but the difference is that I am acknowledging that yelling is a mistake while you believe spanking is a reasonable method of discipline.  I do think that with all the various ways a parent can discipline a child, with all the help available to parents in need of other strategies, that spanking is the wrong (and lazy in that it requires no work on your part, no thought, no growth) way to go.  I stand by that. 

summerbrideDC

JOE, I'm not sure where my high horse is in this post. I wondered something. I was surprised by the results of a poll, and I asked a question and got a lot of thoughtful responses.  I was curious about how many people spank as a quick "lose your cool" type of reaction and how many people use it as part of their parenting. I don't see anywhere that I said people who spank are horrible parents or bad or anything else like that.  

I definitely feel strongly about not spanking in my family, but I don't see anywhere in this post where I'm on a high horse or sounding judgy at all.  I asked a question.  If you read judgment into it, it's not really my problem.