Husband Problems
JerkStore213
member
Is anyone else's husband RUINING their pregnancy? Mine always says he's so happy and excited, yet things are running south in my marriage, and the only thing I can think of that's different is that I'm pregnant.
The sh*t really hit the fan last night (and this is terrible I know) when we got into a fight, and he said if I wasn't pregnant he would punch me in the face. I am not putting up with that kind of abuse and i asked him to leave the house. Of course he wouldn't go anywhere, and I ended up holing myself up in the bedroom and then going to bed. Now, this was by far the absolute worst thing to happen so far, but he is just really making it hard for me to relax and enjoy this. He started a fight with me at our 20 week u/s last week, and the one before that he refused to come with me, out of spite I guess because we were in yet ANOTHER argument. Oh and I've said this before on here, but we haven't had sex since this baby was conceived. It's really depressing. It's like I have nothing left for him. I feel awful when i think about this poor baby being born into such a crappy marriage. I don't think for one second that things will get better once the baby's born.
Sorry to unload this on you guys but I just needed to vent somewhere.
Re: Husband Problems
So he'll punch a woman in the face, but not a pregnant woman.
Real friggin' charmer, that one...
Drop him like a bad habit. And if he's trreating you that bad, not having sex with you and avoiding things with the baby, you might want to start checking his cell phone, email, and things of that sort.
Sorry to say... but that's the truth.
Also... if I didn't mention it already, he is a douche with abusive tendencies. Leave him.
YIKES. Everything Emjay said.
I'm just a lurker here usually - but I couldn't help but reply to your message. I'm so sad for you. Could it be that this isn't really what he wants? Are the fights the same type of fights you used to have or are they new? Are they baby related/money related? The extra stress can wear on a person. It was smart for you to hole up in your room the rest of the night - but it might be good to get away for a little bit and get a breather from each other if you have somewhere else you can go spend a few nights.
I feel so awful for you. I hope things turn around for you quickly!!!
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
Wow. He sounds like a treat. WTH was the fight about? Not that it really matters. I seriously think he needs some anger management classes ASAP. Especially if you are going to keep living with him.
Has he ever actually hit you? If so and you are still in the picture, you need to get the hell out! Even the mere treat of violence is WAY not ok. There are millions of men out there that would never even consider speaking to a woman like this, or even think of threatening violence. It is not normal, and no doubt a sign of worse things to come.
To be fair, I have no idea what you are like when you get pushed to the limit, so I can only hope you do not threaten violence either. Not that you implied that you would ro have, but this kind of fighting is juvenile at the very least, and more than likely, an omen of a very dangerous future.
This. And you need to leave if he won't - for your own safety. Do you have family nearby that you can stay with - or friends? Be safe!
Ah, the kicker... we're IN marriage counseling! We had an appointment last night, which he did not come to with me because he was mad (completely logical right?) I know he would never actually hit me, because god help his life if he ever raised a hand to me. It's really a matter of verbal abuse, which is not any better anyway.
The backstory is that we were both laid off about a year ago, and I worked freelance for a while and just recently got a really awesome job, while he seemed to have some kind emotional problems with it and decided he wanted to use his package to take some kind of vacation. Fast forward to now, he's still not working, has no sense of urgency about getting a job, and is now using this baby as an excuse to not work. Yesterday he told me he had a job interview and that he didn't want the job because he would never get to see the baby. I find that unacceptable and told him that. That was just what started this fight in particular. Nobody wants to read the whole novel of all my marital problems.
Bottom line is that he fights dirty and I find it pathetic and disgusting. Now I can't get him out of the house. I wish he would just leave.
I'm so sorry but a lot of women have thought the very same thing and were unfortunately proven wrong.
Did you mention the threat of violence to your counselor? I'd be curious to know what s/he thought of it.
Honestly, finding another place to stay would probably be best until you get further into your counseling. If he's threatening you and you don't feel safe, call the cops. I'm glad you feel he would never hit you, but it sounds like he's changed from when you married him, so you never know.
And I'm sorry. No one should have to go through this.
Hell hath frozen over. I agree with Emjay. Dude's a loser and a baby is going to make it worse. Get help with him, or get out.
You guys are all right, there's no excuse for him threatening me. The saddest part is that he did it, among other things, and he can't take it back. I'm not one to sit around coming up with reasons why I should stay in something that's clearly not working, and a terrible situation. I hate facing the fact that my husband is a giant douche and that this may not work out.
Last night my I called my parents and ended up talking to my dad for a while. It was so heartbreaking to think that my baby might not grow up with the same parental support that I had - my parents are still together and my dad is the best dad ever. My child (NO child really) doesn't deserve any less than that. My dad just texted me earlier and said he was going over my house to talk to my husband, so we'll see where that goes.
It's sounds like you're a smart person and able to see what you need to do for the safety of both you and your baby.
I hate to quote Dr. Phil... but he's right when he says children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
I will be praying for you!
It sounds likeyour dad is a great guy. Now - since it seems that your husband isn't anything like your dad, your kids already don't have the environment you were hoping they would. Change is scary, but it seems as if it would be scarier to stay put, hon.
THIS!
The first thing that came into my head was checking his phone. There might be a reason for the distancing and the fighting especially if he is avoiding something as important as the US.
He sounds depressed. You need to take care of yourself and your baby first, but since you are always going to have some kind of relationship to him, encouraging him to get to counseling might help.
It also sounds like he genuinely wants a relationship with your child. Perhaps that can be good motivation for him to get some help and motivation to get a job as well.
I usually just lurk since I'm still in first tri but felt like I needed to comment.
I agree with everyone here. I was in a 10 year relationship with someone and we always had immature fights, he would say he wanted to punch me, etc. and I thought he never would actually be able to do it. Things got worse and we fought more and more. He was distant, no sex, etc. so I did what friends suggested and checked his e-mail and started snooping around. Turns out he was cheating on me, big surprise! Before I was able to confront him about it we got in a heated argument about something else and he did get violent, smacked me in the face, pushed me on the bed and held me there by my neck, basically choking me. I was terrified. This is someone I knew since I was 7yrs old and never thought that would happen but it did. Thank God I wasn't pregnant. I immediately got out of that relationship and although I didn't have to go through a divorce, leaving someone I'd been best friends with for almost 20 years and was engaged to was hard but needed to be done and I've never regretted it.
Anyway, that's just my experience, but I'd say he is probably screwing around like PP said and you need to get out before something more serious happens, because it most likely will and you deserve better. Sucks that he will always be a part of your life no matter what but maybe you leaving will help straighten him out for your child's sake.
word. i can't imagine being friends, let alone married to, a fuckwad like that. since when is it okay to say some of that *** to anyone, much less your wife?