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Leaving DD with the ILs for a few days, feeling a little anxious
DH and I leave in nine days for our trip to Calif. for our fifth anniversary. We'll be gone five days. We have traveled several times without N, but it has always been my parents who have watched her. N is crazy about my mom and even though she lives a few hours away, we see her fairly often and I feel 150 percent comfortable with her taking care of N for extended periods of time. My ILs live in another state and they only end up seeing N three or four times per year, which I know is hard on them and on DH because it is really important to him that his parents get to spend time with her too. At any rate, DH wanted them to watch her this time around and I agreed (they were eager to do it and have told us on numerous occasions that they are happy to help in this way). In my head, I know that they will do a good job watching her and that they love her so much. I also know that I have to be fair to both sets of grandparents and that I can't tell DH that my parents can watch N but his can't. I know how lucky N is to have two sets of grandparents who think she hung the moon. But I am still feeling a little anxious about the trip mainly because N doesn't see my ILs that often and I'm scared that she is going to be wondering "who the heck are these people?" and that she will be looking for me and DH and that she will get upset, though she is not really a kid who has a hard time dealing with new people - she's pretty laid back in that regard. They are coming in a day early so that will help, but our flight is at 6 a.m. so we will be gone by the time she wakes up. I wish we were leaving on a weekday so at least she would have the familiarity of going to school, but we are leaving on a Saturday so it will be just the three of them all weekend. I really do know that she will be fine and in good hands and my mom said she would be happy to drive over if she needs to. I also know that some of (most of?) what I'm feeling stems from my feelings about my ILs. They are good people but can get on my nerves at times. Anyway, I know I just need to let it go and try not to worry. MIL wants a very specific list of do's and don'ts and I know she is not the type who will try to change things up or ignore our requests, so that is comforting. Just needed to get this out to people who might understand!
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Re: Leaving DD with the ILs for a few days, feeling a little anxious
I totally get your anxiety!
I think you're doing the smart thing by having them come to her so she's in her regular environment. That will go a LONG way!
I was discussing this with my brother recently. My Mom watches her 9, 5, and 3 yr old from time to time since she lives there and we were considering having my Mom come watch the boys so we could take a vacation.
My brother's advice: "Think about it. Do you have any fear that they will not be physically safe with her?"
me: "Nope."
Brother: "Then let the rest of the worry go. One time we came home and the kids told us Grandma fixed bacon for dinner. Nothing else.... just bacon. They all survived. They bonded with Grandma and we had a much needed get away. You need to expect things to not be what you're used to as normal but this way your kids will get the chance to see what's good and bad about things not being "normal" and that's OK too. They're a lot more flexible than you realize they are and the simple fact that things are different will be fun for them."
I think your anxiety is totally normal. I really appreciated my brother's little lecture because it helped me put it into a bigger picture context.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Totally understandable. DS spends 9 hours on most days of the week with my mom, who comes to our home while we work. I didn't leave him overnight with her until he was almost 2 and have only done it twice so far.
It's not that I don't trust her (well okay, a tiny tiny bit of that), but mostly that A, I'd miss him, B. we co-sleep and nurse at night and I wasn't ready to force him into a position to be without that at night, and C. he doesn't reliably STTN even at home with me present. I didn't think he'd do it for her and I worried about what might happen for him if he woke up and mama wasn't there in the dark.
But those are all my own issues, and I've managed to put them aside a few times and let him go and he enjoys it. Even though he did wake up and wake gramma up and stay up from 1 am to 3 am at her house once. So at least I know it's not just me, right?
You planned well, your MIL sounds like she really wants to do right by you and your daughter. Go enjoy your vacation!