How to deal with in-law situation

Twinkz

I've mentioned before that my MIL loathes me and doesn't like DH either.  She's never been given a reason, or any that I know of.  DH got a phone call at around lunch today from his dad to tell him his mom was out of surgery.  His mom had a pre-scheduled surgery this morning.  FIL told DH that he had been telling MIL to call us and he thought she had finally called us in the past few days, which of course she hadn't.  She'll be in the hospital until atleast Monday.  FIL was wondering if/when we'd be going to visit her.  She's morbidly obese so any and all surgeries are riskier.  

A massive part of me says don't go at all.  I know we probably should go to prevent any horrible regrets but I don't feel much obligation.  I don't know if DH wants to and I'll likely leave that decision up to him but I'm positive he'll want my input.  Does not going make us childish or at her level?  I hate that she's so horrible to DH.  It upsets me normally but now that I'm hormonal, it's just heart wrenching...

carinamarie77

Hmm, I guess it you're planning to completely cut her out of your life, you don't need to go. Doesn't sound like that the case so I vote going and staying for as long (or as little time) as you feel comfortable. GL!

kim1730

Maybe your DH can call her to see how she's doing and ask her if she even wants you and DH to visit.

OscarQ

My MIL likes me and adores her son and I leave all decisions about - and contact with - his family up to him.  It's nice that he wants your input but I'd ask him how he'll feel about not seeing her vs seeing her and her being a b*tch to him.  She doesn't sound worth the trouble to me.

EMarberry

If it were me I would look up visiting hours and go with flowers or whatever like 10-15 min. before visiting hours are over.  That way you have an absolute excuse to leave quickly, but you did the good thing and visited.

elizabeth&james

Tough one. First instinct is to go. Sounds like there has been a misunderstanding or that she is totally irrational. If it's the latter, I wouldn't give her a real reason to behave badly towards you- no matter what came before, from here on out, you'll hear "i was having major surgery and my son didn't even come to see me." Something to be said for being the bigger person here- and like pp said- no need to stay a long time. Just bring some flowers and drop them off and tell her you are glad she is thru the surgery... maybe you can find out when someone else is going to be there visiting so all attn is not on you? And then get the heck out of there b/f she acts up! 

Twinkz

Thanks ladies.  I'll try to make him make the decision.  Regarding showing up before visiting hours are over, my father was in that hospital before.  Even though visiting hours are technically over at 9, they don't kick you out unless there is an issue or you become too loud.  So showing up at the end of the hours wouldn't do us much good, that and it's really late anyway.

mrswright2006

I wouldn't offer to go, unless DH wanted to - it's his mom, and he has to decide how/if he wants her in his life.

tistampsup

Let your DH decide on what to do.  Seriously...do not let your inlaws get you so worked up.  I'm going through the same thing.  *hugs*

PinkLove-S

I would leave this completely up to DH. That way there is no one to blame just in case you say no and he would have gone...

MrsLenau09

When people, especially family and loved ones, aren't acting very kind to us, God asks us to love them more, and pray for them, in return. It's hard sometimes, but worth it. I personally think not showing up at all would be a bit childish. If you don't feel inclined to go, then I'd use PP's suggestion below in order to help make your decision.

kim1730:

Maybe your DH can call her to see how she's doing and ask her if she even wants you and DH to visit.

Twinkz

DH called his mother, she wasn't interested in talking to him.  We may go tomorrow evening though.

Thanks again for your input!!

Sheas

I would go, or at least call.  It will kill you to do, probably.  However, the feeling that you were the bigger person in the situation, will probably make you feel pretty good afterwards.