daycare WWYD

RieTea

I know this is insanely long so my second post is a recap...

We are switching dd from a babysitting type setting to daycare (lady wants to stop watching kids). So, dd will only go 2 days a week (used to go 3) and dh thought it would be good to 'transition' her slowly, so she has gone there 1 day for the past 2 weeks and today is her first "full week".

So, the first day when we arrive they are getting ready to start circle time and there are several kids crying (chaos). They don't have a cubby or anything ready for dd so I give her stuff to the asst. teacher, say good bye and leave. dd is crying horribly. I'm sure that having other children in the room crying didn't help the situation.  They actually took one of the girls out of the room in hopes that it would settle the situation, apparently this girl started a few weeks ago and hasn't transitioned well.  I stood outside the room for several minutes and dd never did calm down so I quit torturing myself and went to work. I called the daycare when I got to work and was told that she had stopped crying and was participating. Dh picks dd up and she seems fine and says she had fun but doesn't want to go back. So far it all seems normal, right? I was a bit put off by all of the crying and how it was a chaotic drop off but I figured (hoped) it was a fluke. That night dd tells me that her and crying girl are yucky, when I asked why she thought that she said it was because they were crying.  (break my heart)

 The next week, I decided I would stay for a bit because I wanted to check things out a bit. So, we arrived and the kids were having snack. After snack they are supposed to get a book and sit in the circle time area. DD doesn't want snack so we go over by the circle time area and are looking at things on the wall and the head teacher is sitting in a chair (right there). She doesn't say a word to us. The only thing she does say are "reprimands" to the kids...joey, sit down, mary, keep your hands to yourself.

 So, 2 kids are still at the table, one drinking his milk and the other with her head down on the table. I say something to dd about "looks like that girl fell asleep" and the teacher responds "I wish she'd fall asleep" in a rudish tone. Turns out this is the same crying girl. So, the lead teacher says that snack time is over and to put your stuff away to the boy and the asst. teacher reaches down and grabs his milk out of his hands. So, he starts crying. Asst. teacher tells him he had plenty of time for snack and it is over and to stop crying and go to the circle. The girl with her head down is sent to the circle and pretty much immediately starts crying. There is a girl in timeout and at least 1 other child doing something (not sure what) who was told "if you are going to act like a baby then you will have to go to the baby room". Crying girl continues to cry so she is sent to the table to put her head down until she is done crying and the teacher attempts to have circle time. Granted a parent is in the room (in the circle as I was sitting on the floor with dd on my lap) so the kids are distracted but it was chaos.   The lead teacher said a couple of times that it isn't always this chaotic but they had combined classes for that day.  I called when I got to work and was told she was doing great and dh said she was happily playing at pick up.

 Today...dd started crying as soon as she knew where she was going. Cried the whole way there and into the room. They still don't have her cubby ready with her name so we tried to find a place to hang her jacket. The kids are coloring. The asst. teacher takes dd from me to go color. dd is sobbing. So, I waited outside the room and see that the teacher is putting the stuffed animal that dd had in a cubby. (I realize it is probably a rule that those can only be out during naptime BUT, if the kid just got there and is still crying couldn't you wait to take it away?). So, then I hear the lead teacher telling her (dd is sitting at a table and the teacher is standing in front of her) to stop crying and yelling that it isn't ok (not in a nice way).  The teacher saw me looking and smiled and got mildly nicer and said 'you're ok so stop crying" (quotes not exact but it was definitely a 'reprimand' to stop crying because it was unacceptable).

 I went to the directors and told them about the incident today with the crying and the reaction. And mentioned I had seen some things last week that concerned me though I didn't elaborate and they didn't ask. They said they would talk to the teacher and get back with me.

So, do you find this acceptable daycare behavior (the way the teachers are with the kids) and I'm being naive, wussy, whatever or are these redflags that would alarm you?

I fully expect my child to have a bit of crying during this transition, so that isn't my concern so much as how she was treated when she was crying and some of the other interactions with the children that I witnessed.

RieTea

holy moly...that is way longer than I meant and didn't realize since you scroll in the window and don't see it all stretched out.

 Let me sum up:

day 1. not prepared for dd (no cubby, etc) and LOTS of crying; dd came home saying she was yucky because she was crying

day 2. lead teacher ignores us; not positive interaction with kids before story just reprimanding; lead gives rude remark to me about another child; asst. teacher grabs milk from kid and when he cries she tells him to stop and go sit down; crying kid sent to timeout for crying (child not transitioning well); kid in timeout (>5 minutes for a 3 year old); another kid told to "stop acting like a baby or you will go to the baby room"; general chaos;

day 3: still no cubby to put things in; dd's stuffed animal taken away immediately and she was told to stop crying because it isn't ok (within a minute of me leaving).

wwyd?

MrsSR

I used to teach preschool (3-5yrs) and then kindergarten in a daycare setting.  Now I am in an elementary school teaching 3rd.

But that would alarm me.  I'm not so sure I'd keep my DD there with teachers talking like that.  Yes, it's a stressful job, but these are still little kids who don't like change and get scared.

If they talk like that in front of you, imagine what happens when you aren't there.

peekaboo716

I would take my child out of that situation. You hear all sorts of corrections in daycare settings and there are differing styles of discipline, but this does not sound like an environment I would want my child in. I would look for something new. Sorry.

I had a situation where a temporary teacher was providing similar reprimands/tone to the students in the classroom. First the teacher was removed from that room to another, then she was asked not to come back. The directors acted immediately and were very concerned.

 

JoLiz

I have no advice for you, but I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that... how awful!  I hope the situation improves for you!!

veloelle

Not acceptable. I'd remove her. DD has been in DC since she was 5 months old; she's been at 4 DC's. It should not feel that chaotic. Also, go w/ your gut. If your mom radar is telling it isn't right, it probably isn't.

I get that kids have a transition, but it should not be chaos everyday. When DD started this DC (it's in home, but she does pre-school curriculum), she had a sign on the door welcoming her. It's so cute to see the sign each time there's a new kid. She also had DD's cubby ready.

Not everyone is cut out to work in DC. No doubt, just like any other field. I'd find a more nurturing environment. 

beanzer

I would absolutely find a new daycare. ?I read the entire post and I would have way to many concerns to leave my child there.

femmegem

Get. Her. Out. That woman has no business being a teacher.

JoyGotDots

I am the assistant director at a preschool.  This is not a warm and fuzzy center.  The teachers are not nurturing and supportive.  The cubby thing doesn't bother me, some classes are more organized than others.  The overall demeanor and tone in the room is alarming to me.  It's such a pain to look for new places, but you'll find somewhere that will be great for you.

cbidt*sgirl

Get out get out get out. So many things in this post scream disaster to me.

OCNewlywed

I agree with others - not the right center!

The teachers don't handle themselves properly at all.  They should be modeling good communication, setting boundaries firmly but calmly and kindly, showing empathy, etc. They sound unequipped and unskilled to teach in that setting. They are teaching kids that it's ok to be disrespectful, belittle people, be mean, etc. And, who knows how they act when parents aren't watching. Yikes.

The above said, I have 2 kids at a center and another there for after school. The other day, when I dropped off my 3-year old, she had a total meltdown. So, did two other kids. This is not the norm there at all, esp for my daughter. There was a new mom dropping off and I told her, "It's not usually like this!" I felt badly that this was her first experience there. So, sometimes, all heck does break loose and more than one kid is screaming, etc. but it's all about how the teachers handle it. I am always amazed at how well the teachers handle everything. I have no idea how they are still calm and smiling at the end of the day!!