Catholics who did IVF

cmw&tdm

How do you reconcile your faith with the fact that you did IVF?  I'm curious because we are Catholic and did IVF and struggled with this for awhile.  

DavezWife

I didn't one darn bit what the church thought of my IF treatments. I did, however, care what my Irish Catholic gram had to say, and hid the deets from her for quite a while. One day I brought it up, and said "we might have to get a bit scientific with baby-making" and asked her what the church thought. She was actually pretty open-minded, saying we can intepret the scriptures differently these days.

Then she told me to stop worrying, it'll happen, and to drink some whiskey to help. ;-P

charmcitygirl

I didn't struggle for one minute with this decision.  If IVF was the way that I was meant to have Jacob, then so be it.  I don't let the Church's teachings on many social issues (homosexuality, women as priests, pedophilia, death penalty, abortion, etc) cloud my faith.  I am a Catholic, but as far as those issues...that's where we part ways.

In fact, I wrote a letter to my diocese and to the Pope when (on Mother's Day) several years ago, he came out against fertility treatments.  He stated that there was no stronger act of love than when a married couple produces a child and that act of love should not be through fertility treatments.

I disagreed.  I believe that there is no greater act of love than my husband and I crying for years as we try month after month to have a child.  There is no greater act of love than me shooting myself up like some kind of addict with hormones that might produce the child I long for.  There is no greater act of love than the lengths to which an infertile couple would go through to have a child.  And there is no greater act of love than the grateful prayers of thanksgiving in the bathroom the morning that I saw those beautiful pink lines.

My faith was challenged over the years when my brother and SIL had to do IF treatments (Maddie, 5, IVF, Josh, 2, FET).  Why would God make this wonderful couple not be able to have children?  When it came to my turn, I was even more dismayed.

I understand the issues that the Catholic church has with left over embryos and choosing the most viable embryos to transfer, but without IVF we would not have the most wonderful gift of our son.

cmw&tdm

DavezWife:

I didn't one darn bit what the church thought of my IF treatments. I did, however, care what my Irish Catholic gram had to say, and hid the deets from her for quite a while. One day I brought it up, and said "we might have to get a bit scientific with baby-making" and asked her what the church thought. She was actually pretty open-minded, saying we can intepret the scriptures differently these days.

Then she told me to stop worrying, it'll happen, and to drink some whiskey to help. ;-P

We still haven't told DH's family, and probably never will.  They don't need to know.  He has a sister that is infertile and tried 10+ years but didn't seek any help.  

GypsyEsq

I hope it's ok that I answer because I didn't do IVF, but we would have had our cycle resulting in DD not worked.  And I did think about this.  I take the rather unpopular view among the faithful that I can pick and choose what to believe about the Catholic religion.  I am no longer relegated to understanding the Bible stories by looking at stained glass windows.  KWIM?  So I disregard what the Vatican has said about IVF and all my reproductive rights and instead go with children are a gift from God.  End of story.

pinkcallalily

charmcitygirl:

I didn't struggle for one minute with this decision.  If IVF was the way that I was meant to have Jacob, then so be it.  I don't let the Church's teachings on many social issues (homosexuality, women as priests, pedophilia, death penalty, abortion, etc) cloud my faith.  I am a Catholic, but as far as those issues...that's where we part ways.

In fact, I wrote a letter to my diocese and to the Pope when (on Mother's Day) several years ago, he came out against fertility treatments.  He stated that there was no stronger act of love than when a married couple produces a child and that act of love should not be through fertility treatments.

I disagreed.  I believe that there is no greater act of love than my husband and I crying for years as we try month after month to have a child.  There is no greater act of love than me shooting myself up like some kind of addict with hormones that might produce the child I long for.  There is no greater act of love than the lengths to which an infertile couple would go through to have a child.  And there is no greater act of love than the grateful prayers of thanksgiving in the bathroom the morning that I saw those beautiful pink lines.

My faith was challenged over the years when my brother and SIL had to do IF treatments (Maddie, 5, IVF, Josh, 2, FET).  Why would God make this wonderful couple not be able to have children?  When it came to my turn, I was even more dismayed.

I understand the issues that the Catholic church has with left over embryos and choosing the most viable embryos to transfer, but without IVF we would not have the most wonderful gift of our son.

She said it so well I don't think I have anything else to add.

The leftover embryos was the only issue that bothered me a bit, but we decided we would freeze any for future use and if we had all the children we wanted and still had some left we would donate them to another couple that wanted a baby.  I had major issues with the idea of destroying any embryos.  We didn't have any left to freeze, which was kind of a relief to me, but at the same time it means we'll have to go through the whole process again unless we happen to get pregnant on our own the next time.

cmw&tdm

I should add that the way I see it is that I'm Catholic but I do have disagreements over some issues.  I was fine with this until a friend of mine who's considering converting (and did IVF also) couldn't understand how I could be a religion and have a different opinion on such a big issue.  I consider it more of a side issue.  

Christakim

I thought about it hard, not IF I was going to do it, but how I would handle it with my faith in mind.  In the end, I did some research, talked to others who are Catholic and have done cycles and came to the conclusion that people around me (Catholic or not) are going to accept whatever comes of this.  I'm not sure Catholic churches are *as* strict about it anymore.  I spoke to my Godmother and she wasn't aware that it wasn't accepted and was one of my big cheerleaders all the way through my cycle.

If it comes down to it when these babies are baptized, I hope I don't find myself having to justify what I did, but I know my priest and it will be forgiven.  I don't want to sound preachy because I'm far from it, but since you asked, in the end, God is all forgiving, and yes I try to live as a good person day to day, but I'm not going around killing people and committing adultery, I wanted to procreate.  And that's what I've done:)

samk213

DH and I are the only ones who know we did IVF.  I wouldn't dream of sharing that with my mother or sister who are very strict traditional Catholics.   I am of the opinion that people should be able to create their family however they feel they need to.  Did I struggle with the beliefs I was raised with when it came to IVF?  Yes.  But, our purpose in conceiving and having children is to raise them to know, love and serve God, and in the end that is how I know we made the best decision for us.

ladychicago

I disagree with a lot of things the Roman Catholic church officially believes... so for me this fell into that category (same with IUIs, which are also a no-no).   But, we did modify the process to fit into our faith.   We did not feel that freezing and/or discarding/donating embryos fit into our faith.   As a result, we only felt comfortable fertilizing the number of eggs that we would put back (all embryos created would be transferred, no matter what).   So we did limited fertilization with only two eggs.   and just got VERY lucky/blessed to have 2 embryos to transfer back and one of them stick.

We will do the same protocol when we try for #2.   We know it is risky, but for us it is the only way we felt at peace with pursuing IVF.   

We made our decision based on what felt right in our hearts as we went down that road.   Others may and do come to different decisions.   

laura&dan05

Both of our families are Catholic and our parents didn't have any issues with us doing IVF.  If any of our other extended family memebers had an issue with it they never brough it up to us.

My belief is that if God was opposed to IVF he wouldn't have given the doctors and scientists the knowledge to come up with such a procedure.  Also when I had dd Baptized in the Catholic church nobody asked me how she was conceived so can it really be that much of an issue with "the church." 

PhillySue

DH and I were both raised catholic and are still practicing but there are many things that I disagree with the church about and it definitely makes me think about my religion. My DH's parents are very relgious and very out spoken about it.  I think of my faith of it as more of a personal issue so I frequently think they are over the top but they were very accepting of our IVF.   As far as my feelings on IVF - I am of the belief that God love all of us and considers all babies to be a blessing and that is why doctors and scientists are given the knowledge to be able to help women struggling with infertility. I really hope that the church does make changes because there are things that I really hate but so many other things that I love. 

efooey

Maybe I grew up in a pretty liberal diocese, but I've always been taught that the church isn't perfect but that isn't a reason to cast aside your traditions and your faith.  

We didn't do IVF either but we certainly talked about the what if's when we were first diagnosed.  I believe the most important thing is the preservation of sanctity of the lives you create and I firmly believe that IVF can be done while being respectful of those embryos.  

itsmevkb

I committed to using any and all embryos and that was the only way I was comfortable with doing IVF.  I understand the church's teachings and beliefs regarding treatments but my personal belief is that the treatments are fine so long as you're respecting the life that is created.

I admit that I cringe when I see posts regarding destroying embryos or donating them to science.  It saddens me to think of those babies, and yes, I believe they are babies, not being given a real chance at developing.  I am also concerned over where we are headed scientifically.  I don't believe in choosing the gender of your baby and worry that we are reaching a point where people just want what they want with no concern for the life that is being created.

LVBlvd

I am an educated adult, and I determine, through prayer, what my Catholic faith means to me.  

For me, it meant that I was going to be a mother, no matter what.  I felt the presence of God during my 2 year battle with IF for my daughter.  I felt God urging me to try again when she was only 10 months old.

I DO agree with the church that life begins at conception.  Which happens in the lab - but it is still conception.  Because of this, we would never discard embryos or allow them to be destroyed for research.  They are a precious form of life and should be treated as such.  Because DH and I don't want 5 more kids, we will donate our embryos to another couple.  

I feel that God is thankful to us for giving another loving couple the chance at the family they are praying for.

I also admit that it does hurt my heart a bit to read posts on here about people donating their embryos to science and/or allowing them to be destroyed.  Because, to me, that is precious life. 

rispergirl

charmcitygirl:

I didn't struggle for one minute with this decision.  If IVF was the way that I was meant to have Jacob, then so be it.  I don't let the Church's teachings on many social issues (homosexuality, women as priests, pedophilia, death penalty, abortion, etc) cloud my faith.  I am a Catholic, but as far as those issues...that's where we part ways.

In fact, I wrote a letter to my diocese and to the Pope when (on Mother's Day) several years ago, he came out against fertility treatments.  He stated that there was no stronger act of love than when a married couple produces a child and that act of love should not be through fertility treatments.

I disagreed.  I believe that there is no greater act of love than my husband and I crying for years as we try month after month to have a child.  There is no greater act of love than me shooting myself up like some kind of addict with hormones that might produce the child I long for.  There is no greater act of love than the lengths to which an infertile couple would go through to have a child.  And there is no greater act of love than the grateful prayers of thanksgiving in the bathroom the morning that I saw those beautiful pink lines.

My faith was challenged over the years when my brother and SIL had to do IF treatments (Maddie, 5, IVF, Josh, 2, FET).  Why would God make this wonderful couple not be able to have children?  When it came to my turn, I was even more dismayed.

I understand the issues that the Catholic church has with left over embryos and choosing the most viable embryos to transfer, but without IVF we would not have the most wonderful gift of our son.

 Well AMEN to all of that.  The first paragraph is exactly what I would have said, but charmcitygirl said it better.  And I love that you sent that letter!