**Expecting**

SumnerBride

Your H did WHAAAA?!  Were you totally shocked, or was it something you were expecting?

Expecting0207

He has had a female BFF for a few years.  She is a BEAST.  Mominator and a few others have seen her photo and can attest to this.  They were 'just friends' but it was a very close friendship and I confronted him about the volume of text messages a long time ago.

 Anyway, we moved south for his job and I thought that she would fade away.  The point of moving here was to get away from alot of other situations and focus on family life, grow stronger, and him to be home more - work less hours.  We moved down in the beginning of May since that is when our house sold, and he returned back to home state and finished working there 6 more weeks.  He arrived here 'for good' on Father's Day.  12 days later I got the 'I don't think I love you, I don't think I have loved you for the past 13 years (out of 14), she and I have a ''connection''', blah blah blah.

 I'm his one and only girlfriend relationship ever so I was shocked that in AUGUST he and her took it to the next level.  I thought we were contemplating separating, deciding if counseling was an option, etc.  But he drove 500 miles back to see her and stayed with her for the weekend.  I have spent 5 days in the month of Sept in our new place - the kids and I have been driving back and forth 9 hours each way to stay with my friends and family.  I went last week and found a place to rent.

 Sunday night I got home here and he said I could stay in this house and he could leave.  I said I want to leave, living here is making me die inside.  This is HIS place for HIS job, I have not one friend here, and the worst is that the day I drove back home and my grandmother died I found out that Beast drove here and they got a hotel - so this new state is totally tainted to me.  Anyway back to Sunday, I said is she coming down here during her week of vacay on Oct 9th and he would not say no.  He kept saying he doesn't know, if my mom is going to be here he'll find a place to go, etc.  If I act bitchy, he says well I wasn't GOING to have her but now I will.  Ok smart ass.  So anyway I'm trying to pack the house and be gone by next Friday at the latest.  I meet with a lawyer Thursday.  

 It's super fun.  And I'm going to hurt my kids today (not literally) I have just hit the end of my rope.  I am trying to pack a 3BR home alone, no one to help with them right now and they are whiny and making messes.  DD2 just cleared all the mail and books off a table and dumped it all on the floor for no reason.  It's nap time now.  Mama needs a break!!!!! 

Expecting0207

Oh and part why he doesn't love me... he still blames me, resents me, hates me because of his brothers death 5 years ago.  In case anyone forgot that saga, his brother and my sister dated for 12 weeks after H and I got married (they knew each other 9 years before this though).  3 weeks after that break up his bro took his life.  So clearly it must be my sisters fault, thus my fault, so therefore I am responsible for his brother's death.  Makes perfect sense, no? 

 The only positive in this whole mess is that I won't have in-laws.

EMT

*BUTTING IN*

What an a$S! You are doing the right thing getting back to your family and friends. What did he think? That you would take the new house off his hands while he shacks up/starts a new life with the beast? I'm so sorry. 

Expecting0207

Thanks EMT.  We are renting down here.  He thinks I can stay here and remain a SAHM (which I do enjoy).  But I cannot do that because I have no one and nothing here, effectively I'd be living here just so he could see his kids, and also have his new beast come here whenever.  I'll have to PIP her later.

eclaires

OMG, what an ass, Expecting.  I hope that things go smoothly with you moving and all that.

FWIW, my mom went through something similar when I was 7 and moved home as well - we hadn't lived in the new area long and my grandfather and uncle came and moved her and us (my 2 brothers and me) back to her hometown.  Anyway, I know the family and friends support she had was invaluable at that time, so I'm sure it will be similar for you and your girls.

Also, just a tip that my mom got when she was moving to another state/divorcing - file in the state you're moving back to once you re-establish residency because it will be easier on you to have the courts/attorneys/etc nearby vs. what would be more convenient for him in the new state.

EMT

Expecting, I'd LOVE to see her pic.

Expecting0207

Thanks eclaires - I'm still not sure where I'll file - the new state offers the fault and no-fault divorce options and give adultery is involved, if he wants to be difficult, I can make it more difficult for him here   And even get her name involved.