PPD or something else? (kinda long)

anaitis4

I'm not sure if I have PPD or if I'm actually just experiencing stress over other things (entirely possible) so I thought I'd lay out my situation and see if I could get some impartial opinions:

DD is 7 months old today and I am just now starting to worry that I may have a PPD problem. I'm always stressed out by all the things I have to juggle and my lack of time. I could handle those things but I feel that DH doesn't do his fair share of anything around the house and it ticks me off. On top of it,  I feel that's it's impossible to talk to him about it. DH has a horrible temper and any time I try to talk to him about something I'm unhappy about that has to do with him he gets very defensive and the conversation immediately devolves into him screaming and me sobbing. Nothing ever gets fixed so I have all but stopped bringing anything up when I'm upset. I hold it all in and pretend I'm fine.

Just the other day I was upset over something that had gone wrong at work and he asked about it. As I was explaining it to him and telling him that I think I'm just stressed because I'm so busy all the time he said "It's normal. Everyone's that busy"

Ummm....no. I work full time. I'm a full-time grad student, I'm also getting my teaching licensure, I teach private music lessons, I clean houses, I own a web design business, I do all the housework, and I do 75% of the work of caring for DD. So I laughed and said, "Honey, most people are not this busy on an ongoing basis. It's stressful." And he had the nerve to say that HE is that busy. All he does is go to work and come home. That's it. He'll do housework IF I nag him. 

That was 4 days ago and I'm still seething. I can't let it go. Inside I constantly think about spiteful ways to get back at him but am too chicken to do any of it. Today is our wedding anniversary and I'm not even excited. I feel nothing. 

I told a friend recently and she suggested I may have PPD. I hadn't thought about that so now I'm trying to figure out what this is. It's also possible that I'm depressed and am just taking things out on him.

Do I have possible PPD? Or is it just stress issues or DH issues? I don't have any impulses to hurt DD but I think of hurting myself often. I constantly wish things were different and I feel completely unloved, unappreciated, without a voice, and powerless to change anything in my life.

My insurance sucks so even if its PPD I can't go to a therapist, but I'd still like to see what you all think. 

 

 

nelb3

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.  It could be PPD.  Honestly, you have A LOT on your plate and I'm sure your stressful life is adding to your anxiety.  It's worth asking your doctor about it and seeing what options you have. They may offer you something to take the edge off (and it really might help) or if they refer you to a therapist, your insurance might cover it.  My insurance covers therapy when I'm referred directly by my physician/ob.

I can totally relate to how you feel-some days if feels like nobody gets it, nobody understands what it's like to be you in your world. Sure people do it every day, but who are they and how do they do it??

My DH can be a little difficult to talk to sometimes too, and I've learned that if I start a conversation by saying- "I need you on my team right now, I really want to talk to you without you getting defensive or upset, I want to tell you how I'm feeling, I can't help it, it's how I feel but it's important to me that you are on my side and can really hear me out" or something like that.  My DH knows when I start out saying I need him to just listen and be there-it's serious and I find that he's more open to it.  Just keep using "I" phrases, "I feel overwhelmed and stressed out" Avoid making him feel like he's at fault. Like he's not doing enough or anything like that. Agree with him that you realize he's busy too.  Ask him how he's dealing with it.  Engage him in the conversation and talk through it together if you can.

It's going to be OK though.  Ask your doctor and try talking to your DH.  hopefully things will start to feel better for you.  Just know that you are not alone. People are dealing with similar situations, you will be OK. Breathe!