Going From One to Two --

mrs.littlejeans

Please share your tips about going from one child to two and/or preparing the first for the second's arrival.  Thanks!!

rayskit10

This is what we did and I can't say if it's right or wrong, but we have had a lot of luck with the transition. Based on our experience, I would say we did things right while acknowledging temperament plays a role

We did not do a bunch of special stuff for/with T before M was born. We didn't want T to feel like "I got to do cool things before my brother was born and now I don't anymore... 

We read a lot of books about being an older sibling. With one in particular, we would take the main characters name out and replace it with "Truitt." He loved that and I honestly think the books helped him be prepared.

After the baby came, we never blamed changes on M. So, we would say "It's quiet time in the house right now" rather than "you have to be quiet because the baby is sleeping." This was very important, I think.

We tried to keep his routine as normal as possible. Daddy put him to bed pre-brother, so Daddy did the same after.

I made sure to give T attention whenever I as I also tended to the baby. We would sit on his bed, Mathis nursing on the boppy, and I would read to him, for example. I would also dedicate some time each day to just talking with him.

I enlisted his help when possible, but I also never expected anything of him. Helping take care of his baby was a privilege and only something a big boy can do, but it was not a "job." 

I'm sure there is more, but these were the things that stick out the most. 

KelleyA

We bought books for Amelia about becoming a big sister...this one (https://www.amazon.com/Turtleback-School-Library-Binding-Critter/dp/0808563912/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285530664&sr=8-1)

and this one (sorry, links aren't working)

 https://www.amazon.com/Best-Ever-Big-Sister-Karen-Katz/dp/0448439158/ref=sr_1_2?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285530722&sr=8-2

She still loves reading them and now realizes that she does the big sibling things and Juliet does the baby stuff.  I think they've helped us in reminding Amelia that she is indeed not a baby, but an awesome big girl. I think it's helped as Amelia has had little regression.

I let Amelia feel the baby moving in my tummy and be a part of it.  We explained that mommy and daddy would go to the hospital and when the baby was born she would come visit.  We let her bring a gift for the baby too, something SHE picked out.  She loved it and still talks about how much she loved going to the hospital to meet her sister.

When you get home and you don't have help. Always tend to the big one first, let the baby scream if you need to, but get E a snack/drink, take her to the potty (if she's potty training/ed), and have something for her to do while you tend to the baby.  

Let her watch more tv than you ever thought you would...you can taper off as things get easier, but don't feel guilt for it at first.

Know that you will find balance, that you will love each child with everything you have and that you're giving E the greatest gift, a baby brother.

jen5-03

We have a Dora book about being a big sister and a Bernstein Bears one (really old one from a thrift store). Both of those were helpful I think.

I think you've gotten good advice - don't blame anything on the baby and try to include the older child as much as they want to be included.

DD really wanted to snuggle and I wanted to make sure she didn't resent DS always being in my lap. So to nurse we sat on the couch with DD sitting sideways in my lap and she "helped" hold DS while we nursed. We did that for the first couple weeks and then she lost interest and accepted that little brother had to eat a lot.

It wasn't as bad or as stressful of a transition as I feared.

lilycat

Our transition was easy.

We tried to be sensitive, but let things take shape on their own (not over think things and prescribe emotions he might not feel). 

We read a couple of big brother (not 1984) books. He still enjoys reading them at almost a year out.

We took a big trip with him to Disney -- our last trip as three. This did not have any impact on him with regards to the baby and how he felt about the baby. Instead, it was just a fun group of memories that we still talk about. Talking about that trip makes him feel good -- it was a blast.

We kept his routine after the baby came as much as possible. He went to school during the day. 

The biggest negative impact the baby had was when I spent a week with #2 at TCH. This disrupted #1s schedule. He did not understand where we were, and I know he felt the tension and concern from everyone. That has a lasting impact more than anything to do with the normal baby stuff.

About three days into it he said, "I want Mommy and baby to come home." I saw that as a big positive - he didn't just want me to come home - he wanted his brother. After only three weeks, baby was his brother and he loved him. 

CareBear01

I have saved this post for in the future.  Probably similar to what has already been said.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/25637499.aspx

 

KKMMex

I can honestly say that going from one to two was very challenging for me, but so much depends on the age gap between your two children, whether you go back to work or SAH, if you have family nearby to help, if your husband is normally around in the evenings to help, if your older child will be in preschool/daycare each day, et cetera.

The logistics of managing two can be challenging, but trust that you'll learn on the fly and experience will be your best teacher.  There will be times when you'll have to let one of them cry.  You'll quickly learn the art of triage.  It's possible to be a perfect parent when you have one child.  Not so much with two, because your attention is now divided between them and sometimes it will be impossible to meet everyone's needs in a timely manner.  This can feel stressful but gets easier over time.

I didn't do much to prepare my older child because she was almost 21 months old and didn't really understand.  After her sister came she received a lot of "big sister" gifts, which were fun.  Our girls are fully bonded now and the most important people in one another's lives.  It's a wonderful feeling to watch that sibling relationship develop.

I'm very thankful we have two children and that they have one another.

 

melrrr

jen5/03:

 and a Bernstein Bears one (really old one from a thrift store). 

This is the book my parents bought for me before my brother was born!! 

LisaK2b

A couple of things that we had to adjust to and it took effort is to let her know through words and actions that you'll never be too busy for them because there's another baby in the house.  Also, there are times that both DH and I find ourselves treating Emmy like she's 5 or something, and so we have to sometimes stop and say to ourselves, she's only 3 and that she just wants to be treated like a little kids sometimes (other times..she wants to be independent!).

To get her prepared, I read a couple of the being a big sister books to her during bedtime.  And then we went out and bought a gift for her baby sister for her to give when the baby comes.  she was very excited about this and couldn't wait to give it to her baby sister. 

nanann

Honestly?  The person with the hardest transition in my family was my husband.  He seemed to completely forget that babies cry.  A lot.  He kept trying to compare #2 to #1:  "#1 didn't cry this much!  #1 didn't *need* to be held so often!  #1 didn't ____!"

SO dang frustrating.  I had to keep insisting that YES, #1 did indeed cry and need to be held constantly, and #2 was no worse than #1 in that department!  SO frustrating.  He totally had Dadnesia...