comments about epidurals... need advice

klmfabulous

My MIL has asked repeatedly if I were going to try to go natural or use an epidural. EVERY time she asks me I say I want the epidural... and she makes a face, says "why?" and proceeds to tell me that "with all three of my kids I had them naturally." 

 

The next time she asks me I feel like I might blow up in her face.. any advice... what should I say?

futureCLJ

Uhm, mind your own beeswax?!

Politely tell her that it is YOUR choice, not hers!

ksiebert1974

WHY is she still asking if she already knows the answer? Clearly just to badger you.  Don't let her get a rise out of you, that is all she is looking for.  Sounds like she is just trying to keep nagging until she gets you to change your mind.  I'd just say something along the lines of Glad that worked for you but this is how I want to do things now can you please just let it lie?  There are some people you will never change and she sounds like one of them so giving it too much time or consideration is just a waste of yours.  Good luck! 

Mama_SAS

I would respond sarcastically at this point.  It sounds like she won't drop it.

"Well aren't you special?"

"OMG! You're, like, my total hero."

"Really? You've never mentioned that before." 

You get the picture. 

chach916

"Were epidurals even around WAY back then?"

BeachM

Can you say "It's not up for discussion" and change the subject?

Of all the things people have asked me about, so far I haven't had an epidural question. 

monkeyqueen

Why not just say "I'll see how it goes."    You'll probably avoid a lecture that way.   You could always smile and nod when she gives you advice, etc.   Really, she doesn't even has to know you had an epidural - it's really no one's business.

grr_aargh

"Wouldn't have dental work done without novacaine either."

Or maybe "MIL, it's really NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

 

memelou10

I get those same exact comments from my sister & mom.  My sister had all four of her kids without any drugs.  I just say "Good for you" or "Suck it sideways" <---- I wouldn't recommend saying that to your MIL though. lol

girgirgir

My dad does this kind of thing all the time, not with childbirth issues, but just in general. I've found the best way to cut him off is to tell him I know exactly what he's doing.

Something like "Mother-in-law, it's obvious you're trying to change my mind by feigning confusion over why I would choose something different than what you want. It's very awkward. Please stop asking about it as if you don't already know the answer."

MommaEm

The same thing would happen if you had said you were going to do it all natural, people are going to biitch about whatever they can just to make you mad!

I get asked all the time if I'm going to have an epidural and I say "I didn't with DS, so I'm going to try not to this time as well" and get "yeaa, right..you won't be able to do it!" well wtf, why'd you ask then!!!

GL! Tell her to stop asking!

HappyMommy28

Just tell her you'll figure it out when you go into labor.  I quit discussing my birth plan with anyone because I too got tired of the comments.

saturdaynightdoubletree

"Oh, I thought we've already had this conversation. If you're such a pro, why don't YOU push this kid out!!!" -- ugh, she sounds annoying!

wife1014

You say, "that's great but I am not you and I have other ideas about the birth of my child".  End of story!

spankymclaalaa

Say "you had the choice of an epidural in the stone age? wow..."

 that should shut her up for the moment. Until she starts to throw things.

princessmanda33

My FIL actually makes comments like this and my response everytime is "the prize is the same in the end" as I walk away. My MIL tried it ONCE telling me how she had both her sons without any drugs and I said "good for you. my plan is to give birth with a needle in my back." then I smile and walk away. Don't be afraid to get a "little" snarky :-)

monkiem

Mama_SAS:

I would respond sarcastically at this point.  It sounds like she won't drop it.

"Well aren't you special?"

"OMG! You're, like, my total hero."

"Really? You've never mentioned that before." 

You get the picture. 

:::dies:::

Hahahahahah.  But you have to add the quintessential eyeroll there...!

Seriously - tell her to fvck off.

grnshdw

I wouldn't take it so personally, everyone has a different point of view- and hers is just one more to throw in the mix.  Why do you feel like you need to blow up?  Just state your point of view.  The annoying part is definately that she keeps bringing it up- so just answer her.  I do think in general, we have scared one another so much about the pain that we think we need pain medication before we even get to the hospital.  By her telling you she delivered naturally, she is letting you know that the pain is temporary.  Good luck no matter how it goes!

jnaden2

My mom use to say this to me to.  "I NEVER had any epidural with any of you guys.  I had 3 kids naturally."  But after she saw me get the epidural she said "why didn't I ever get an epidural?? You made it look so easy"  So then she was kicking herself because she never got one.   To each their own, I'm getting another one.

JDO

As someone who would love to have a natural birth, even I find her response to be rude.  It is your decision to make. And, you don't need to discuss it with her anymore if she is being rude about it.

You could always tell her, "I'm doing a little research to decide what option will be best for me." if you want to give her an ambiguous answer, but I'd guess that might only open yourself up to a story or lecture more. 

SuperThat1006

"If you have to get knee surgery at some point, are you going to 'go natural' with that as well?"

afiyfah

grnshdw:

I wouldn't take it so personally, everyone has a different point of view- and hers is just one more to throw in the mix.  Why do you feel like you need to blow up?  Just state your point of view.  The annoying part is definately that she keeps bringing it up- so just answer her.  I do think in general, we have scared one another so much about the pain that we think we need pain medication before we even get to the hospital.  By her telling you she delivered naturally, she is letting you know that the pain is temporary.  Good luck no matter how it goes!

I also agree with PP that it might help to just say that you are going to see how it goes when you are actually in labor, and that you will have an epidural if you feel you need one. Maybe she has a hard time understanding why you are determined to have an epidural from the get go without even trying to see if you can manage the pain naturally. Perhaps she will leave it alone if you can articulate your position and reasoning more clearly.

afiyfah

ChrissieW3:

"If you have to get knee surgery at some point, are you going to 'go natural' with that as well?"

Not a good comparison at all....Just be clear and firm, snarkiness won't help in this situation.

mrschahbar

chach916:

"Were epidurals even around WAY back then?"

haha I love it!!!

I would just tell her that you and DH have discussed it and looked into your options and you believe that this is the best plan for you. Don't give her the rise out of you that she's looking for.

Allie30

afiyfah:

grnshdw:

I wouldn't take it so personally, everyone has a different point of view- and hers is just one more to throw in the mix.  Why do you feel like you need to blow up?  Just state your point of view.  The annoying part is definately that she keeps bringing it up- so just answer her.  I do think in general, we have scared one another so much about the pain that we think we need pain medication before we even get to the hospital.  By her telling you she delivered naturally, she is letting you know that the pain is temporary.  Good luck no matter how it goes!

I also agree with PP that it might help to just say that you are going to see how it goes when you are actually in labor, and that you will have an epidural if you feel you need one. Maybe she has a hard time understanding why you are determined to have an epidural from the get go without even trying to see if you can manage the pain naturally. Perhaps she will leave it alone if you can articulate your position and reasoning more clearly.

The problem here is not that she asked and disagreed with the answer, it's that she's attempting to passively-aggressively manipulate the OP by REPEATEDLY "pretending" that she doesn't know. 

It doesn't matter whether or not someone is confused by your choice or doesn't agree with your choice -- the OP doesn't need to explain herself to anyone or put up with BS like that. 

Angeldcf

I'm splitting hairs here, but I hate the term "natural" for "unmedicated."  Natural means you're off in the woods/birthing hut with another female without any medical intervention.  Fetal monitoring, IV for fluids, episiotomies, etc aren't "natural" & are medical interventions.

If you're bold, ask her calmly "We've had this discussion.  What exactly are you trying to achieve by bringing it up again?"

CandKmomma

Unless she is going to be in delivery room with you....lie to shut her up.  LOL

AgrippaRidesAgain

My mom did the EXACT same thing. I said, "Because I don't feel the need to do it naturally when I have a safe method of pain control.  Why would I want to if I don't have to?"

afiyfah

Allie30:

afiyfah:

grnshdw:

I wouldn't take it so personally, everyone has a different point of view- and hers is just one more to throw in the mix.  Why do you feel like you need to blow up?  Just state your point of view.  The annoying part is definately that she keeps bringing it up- so just answer her.  I do think in general, we have scared one another so much about the pain that we think we need pain medication before we even get to the hospital.  By her telling you she delivered naturally, she is letting you know that the pain is temporary.  Good luck no matter how it goes!

I also agree with PP that it might help to just say that you are going to see how it goes when you are actually in labor, and that you will have an epidural if you feel you need one. Maybe she has a hard time understanding why you are determined to have an epidural from the get go without even trying to see if you can manage the pain naturally. Perhaps she will leave it alone if you can articulate your position and reasoning more clearly.

The problem here is not that she asked and disagreed with the answer, it's that she's attempting to passively-aggressively manipulate the OP by REPEATEDLY "pretending" that she doesn't know. 

It doesn't matter whether or not someone is confused by your choice or doesn't agree with your choice -- the OP doesn't need to explain herself to anyone or put up with BS like that. 

I agree that based on what OP said, her MIL is behaving in a passive aggressive manner. I responded as I did because she stated "EVERY time she asks me I say I want the epidural... and she makes a face, says "why?" OP didn't say that she explained why, which is why I suggested that she make her position clear. I would also advise MIL that it's not open for further discussion after that. Simply being rude or snarky as some have suggested isn't going to help.

GeGeBama

maybe she just wants you to know there are risks to having an epidural.  i had an epidural with my second child and it messed up a disc in my back so bad that I couldn't even take care of my baby on my own.  finally had back surgery last year.  I wish I would have NEVER gotten that epidural.  i'm having my 3rd baby in December and definately NOT getting the epidural!  besides, after you have your baby naturally, you can get up and move around and then enjoy your new little miracle.  and not have to depend on a nurse or family member for help.  soooooo much better all around. 

Disneygeek77

I would just look at her in the eye and tell her " You know the answer to that question" and walk away. 

MrsJones714

I'd say "Well GOOD FOR YOU! I think you're insane, but that was YOUR choice. Now I'm making mine. And it involves drugs. Thanks."