NBR: How do you console a loved one who has lost someone?

mommashannon

The first time I have ever lost anyone in my family was this year, my grandfather back in March.  We were close, but not extremely close like I was with him when I was younger.  Of course it effected me, but not the way it would if it was one of my parents.  With that being said, today is the 10th anniversary of DH's father.  DH is not one that shows his emotions.  We have been together for 4 years and I've seen him cry maybe 4 times.  I know today is hard for him, I can see it in his eyes.  How do I console him?  I don't know wether to take his mind off it, or ask if he wants to talk abou it.  What would you do???  Thanks!

OctoberBabyH

If he wants to talk, he will. I don't think there's any right way or rule or even rhyme/reason to it all. Just that we all live and we all die. It sucks and it's sad, but maybe if you could just be there, sitting with him, that is more than enough.

lulu3061

Do something thoughtful for him in honor of his dad...don't make a big deal of it, because we all know guys aren't so 'touch-y feel-y'.  

I've planted a little sapling for my MIL on the anniversary of her mothers passing and a rose bush for my grandma.  It's something that is small in terms of monetary value but it's a constant living reminder of the person that they loved.  

IDK...just what I would do. 

see2211

My DH lost his dad 9 years ago, so I'm in a similar situation.  He's usually pretty comfortable talking about him, although we don't talk about his passing much.  If I were you, I would acknowledge it and see how he responds.  Say something like- 'I know it's the the anniversary your dad's passing- do you want to do anything to acknowledge it or talk about it all?'  And just see what he says.  He may want to talk, or do something special (like something that reminds him of dad, or getting together with other family) or just reflect on his own.  Even though it's hard to talk about sometimes, people don't want their loved ones forgotten.  I think it's worth bringing up.  My DH and I usually talk about it a little bit around his dad's birthday or anniversary of passing.  Good luck!