re: sleeping - please help me feel better (long)

ella.mabel

DD is 8 months.  Up until a few weeks ago, she was half in the co-sleeper and half in our bed.  DH has never been comfortable with bedsharing due to safety issues primarily, so we agreed to transition her to the crib.  We made this transition a few weeks ago.  She actually did better than i expected!  Once, she STTN in the crib, and a few nights, she only woke once or twice and spent the whole night in the crib.  Most of the time, though, she's waking 8 - 10 times a night.

Due to her frequent wakings, and also to my desire to ease into the "separate room" situation, I've been sleeping on her floor.  It's actually quite cozy.  Many nights look like this (this was last night):

She starts in the crib at 7:00 PM

Wakes to nurse at 8:00, 9:30 and 10:30

Sleeps with me on the floor from 10:30 PM - 5:30 AM when i wake up for the day.

She goes back in the crib from 5:30 AM until she wakes for the day at 6:45 AM.

Is this insane? My theory is that she'll naturally spend more and more time in the crib and start to sleep for longer stretches, then eventually i'll move back to my regular bed.  I just feel like a loser sleeping on her floor, like i'm a big weirdo or something.  But i don't want to go back to bed because on those nights that she wants to nurse constantly, it's easier to snuggle on our "floor bed".  I'm there if she needs me.  I've always read that you should do what's best for you, and that the best sleeping situation is the one where everyone gets as much sleep as possible, but i guess i just want to hear it from other people. Does anyone else have "different" sleeping arrangements to share, or any experiences to make me feel better?

MelodyMoonstone

We just started bed sharing about a month ago because DS was waking up 1 or 2 times a night and I had to go back to school.  I said I wouldn't go it, but...  here I am doing it.  Sleep = survival in my mind.  You gotta do what works and if it works, then go with it.  DS sleeps in his crib until he wakes up and then I bring him to bed, when I get up for work, I put him back in his crib.  We all get more sleep this way.  

I figure when he's ready, he'll sleep through the night in his own crib.   

Kestrel84

If your DH is concerned about safety, have you thought about side carring the crib?  It sounds like she definitely sleeps better when she's near you guys....maybe try the transition in another few months or so..

ella.mabel

Kestrel84:

If your DH is concerned about safety, have you thought about side carring the crib?  It sounds like she definitely sleeps better when she's near you guys....maybe try the transition in another few months or so..

 I did consider this.  One of the problems with that is that she likes to sleep touching me.  Last night, she'd roll over, touch my arm, and roll back.  Or nurse for a couple of minutes. And with other nights, she's fine and will go a 5 hour stretch or more.  But on nights like with constant wakings, it is easier to just have her next to me and avoid the constant in and out of the crib (which is killing my back!). If the crib were next to the bed, the temptation to bring her into the bed would be too great (and we'd be back to square 1 with DH concerned and upset).

EmmieB

ella.mabel:

Kestrel84:

If your DH is concerned about safety, have you thought about side carring the crib?  It sounds like she definitely sleeps better when she's near you guys....maybe try the transition in another few months or so..

 I did consider this.  One of the problems with that is that she likes to sleep touching me.  Last night, she'd roll over, touch my arm, and roll back.  Or nurse for a couple of minutes. And with other nights, she's fine and will go a 5 hour stretch or more.  But on nights like with constant wakings, it is easier to just have her next to me and avoid the constant in and out of the crib (which is killing my back!). If the crib were next to the bed, the temptation to bring her into the bed would be too great (and we'd be back to square 1 with DH concerned and upset).

I don't think the side-car is square one. Just be adamant about keeping her on the crib-side or in her crib and she can move away as she needs to. We've got this set up and it's amazing.

Another consideration is to ditch the crib altogether and set up an actual floor bed for her. We've got a twin mattress on the floor in Bunny's room and he naps there. If I lay down with him, there's room for me and I can get up and go away- he's naturally sleeping longer and longer. The room is super baby-proofed and he knows how to scoot off the bed so it's a safe option. 

Whichever way you go  - pick what's going to get all of you the most sleep in the safest manner. 

Good luck!

ella.mabel

Hmmm... Maybe i'll talk to DH and see how he feels about the side-carring idea.  It's just so tempting in the haze of frequent night-wakings to bring her to bed. I'd definitely need to commit to putting her back (and not falling asleep.)

Thanks for the insight!

SeaMama

If I was sleeping from 10:30-5:30 I would be throwing a parade )

Seriously though - a few wakings early in the night and then one in the morning doesn't seem like much of an issue to me - but then again, we are up every 2-3 hours all night long.  I'm a zombie - what do I know. 

EcoBaby

I totally agree with doing whatever is right for your family. I've always done what gets me the most sleep. DH has spent many night on the couch, futon or in the guest room because DS keeps him up, or during the early months, he was afraid to sleep next to him.

We tried a toddler bed in our room around 12 months, but that still didn't really work so we stayed in our bed. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, we finally put a queen sized bed in DS's room so we could start the transition to his own room. I've been sleeping in there with him, but I will periodically get up and he'll wake up without me there (usually in the mornings or evenings, but sometimes when I can't sleep in the middle of the night). When he cries for me, I go to him immediately. I just want him to know that I didn't desert him and that I'll come back to him when he wakes up. Someday, I'll go back to sleeping in my bed when DS's sleep improves enough so that I will actually get sleep in another room. I'm thinking this will happen around the time he turns 2.

So our sleep situation is certainly not conventional, but it works well for us. Sometimes DH comes in and falls asleep with us in the beginning of the night, and sometimes I will go into our bed and lay down with him for a while (but DS always wakes up). We see DS's infant/toddler years as a passing phase, and we want to make it as stress free and enjoyable as possible. Getting sleep definitely helps!

poebride

Yep...I agree on doing what works.  My husband sleeps on the sofa every night so I can safely sleep with our LO in our small bed.  It definitely seems crazy to a lot of people, but we didn't even think twice about it.  She sleeps best when she's near me.  We sleep best when she's happy!

babydragonsister

SeaMama:

If I was sleeping from 10:30-5:30 I would be throwing a parade )

Seriously though - a few wakings early in the night and then one in the morning doesn't seem like much of an issue to me - but then again, we are up every 2-3 hours all night long.  I'm a zombie - what do I know. 

This!!  If it works for you, it works for you, don't feel bad about it!