Question (warning sad)

BlondeDutchess912

So Ive never been on this board before but I really need help with a situation with a friend. She has planning to adopt a little girl this month. She went to the hospital on friday when the birth mom went into labor and stayed in the hospital until monday when sheand her husband should have taken the baby home. On monday afternoon the birth mom decided to keep the baby. My friend emailed a mutual friend to tell everyone but hasn't been in contact with anyone since. 

My question is... my friends and I have a bit of money saved for her shower (which she requested that we hod after she had the baby home) and would like to do something for her but I'm not sure what is apporpriate... any ideas? 

 

TIA 

c1311

I'm so sorry for your friend.  What an awful thing to go through.  How nice of you to want to reach out to her.  I've never been in this situation personally, so I don't really know what to suggest, but perhaps others here will have some good ideas.

Amy720

I'm so sorry this happened to your friend.  Maybe you could buy some gift cards for her..maybe to some restaurants.  Her and hubby could order out or use them when they are feeling better.  Thank you for being such a caring and understanding friend.

lrrb

You are a WONDERFUL friend for reaching out to her.  Personally I would get a gift card to a local massage/spa place and bring it to her house personally.  If you are that close of friends with her I think its VERY important that you are there physically to support her not just a phone call saying if you need me call...bc lets be honest shes not going to call.  You are a wonderful person....the world needs more people that care in situations like this like you!

BlondeDutchess912

Thank you all!! Ill look into getting her some gift card to eat or do other things rather than actua gifts. Thanks Again.

Alicia_22

You are such a great friend!!!!! I went through this in June and my heart breaks for them just reading this! It might be best to give her several days before visiting her. For me at least, I didn't want to talk about it or have visitors/phone calls for a few days! I did go back to work the next day ( I only have so many days to use for the adoption so I kindof had to!) but just told everyone I didn't want to talk about it and they did a good job of talking about other things to keep my mind occupied. I think it's great that you want to do something for her!!!! I agree that the giftcard(s) would be a great idea! 

amberfernandez

Personally going through this, and being depressed for months, the best thing you can do for your friend is give her all the space and time she needs.  We also had the BM change her mind in the hospital, and it's like losing a child.  I still to this day can't talk about what happened with my friends even though we now have our beautiful DD home.  Follow her cues, and give her space.  If she doesn't want to talk, just let her know that if she ever does, you're there, and if not, that's okay too.

Remember, she'll eventually bring a baby home, even after all this heartbreak, so you may want to hold onto the money for the shower for when she eventually needs one because she brought home her forever child.

 Good Luck.

mcmann05

**AmberF**:

Remember, she'll eventually bring a baby home, even after all this heartbreak, so you may want to hold onto the money for the shower for when she eventually needs one because she brought home her forever child.

This is kind of what I was thinking as well! You are an amazing friend for even thinking about her. Maybe do a small gesture all together now and save the rest for her shower because like Amber said, she WILL bring home a baby one day and you want to be able to do something then as well. I'd still do a GC but maybe for just like one dinner vs. multiples. 

Your friend is very lucky!  

silliestbunny

Having been through a similar situation, I echo the other posters.  Give her time and space... but also know it takes time to really heal.  Even if a month has gone by, make sure you check in to see how she's feeling about the failed match. 

The one tangible thing I wish I would have had a friend do was unpack the baby stuff.  It was really painful to do so.  I know I didn't necessarily want people over but if I ever go through it again, I'll call my bestie or one of my adoptive mom friends to come do that for me.