Dh doesn't want 2 B in delivery room

TiffanyTheMom

I guess I'm having the opposite problem of you! I DO NOT want DH in with me while I labor or deliver! He was such an absolute pig the last two times, I have already threatened that if he starts acting like a jerk this time I will SCREAM to have nurses remove him.

The first baby, he did NOTHING to help me feel better before I had my water broken and got the epi. He fell asleep in front of me while I needed help, he ran out to McDonald's when I was 9cm for a big mac, then came back and ATE IT IN FRONT OF ME. Then after I delivered, he hogged his new son and I didn't even get to see my baby's face til 10 min after because he didn't want to share. 

With #2,  he sat with MY friend in the corner of the room, joking and having a few good guffaws with her until I screamed at them like a hawk to help me, that they were there for ME. Of course, by that point, I was in so much pain I didn't want to be touched. And then he fell asleep. When it was time to push the nurses let him count, and he went telling everyone how important he was at the birth- what a douche!! Like I wasn't the one doing the ACTUAL work. I cut him down immediately telling him (in front of his retarded friends) that I know how to count and could have done it MYSELF. He was pretty pissed at me for saying that, but oh well.

This time, he WILL he massaging me, walking me down the halls and doing squats, feeding me ice chips, and defending the no meds thing to the doctor. If he is anything short of this, he's out, and he knows this. He's angry I've put down such 'stiff' demands, but really- this is what he should have been doing the first 2 times. 

missesru

TiffanyTheMom:

I guess I'm having the opposite problem of you! I DO NOT want DH in with me while I labor or deliver! He was such an absolute pig the last two times, I have already threatened that if he starts acting like a jerk this time I will SCREAM to have nurses remove him.

The first baby, he did NOTHING to help me feel better before I had my water broken and got the epi. He fell asleep in front of me while I needed help, he ran out to McDonald's when I was 9cm for a big mac, then came back and ATE IT IN FRONT OF ME. Then after I delivered, he hogged his new son and I didn't even get to see my baby's face til 10 min after because he didn't want to share. 

With #2,  he sat with MY friend in the corner of the room, joking and having a few good guffaws with her until I screamed at them like a hawk to help me, that they were there for ME. Of course, by that point, I was in so much pain I didn't want to be touched. And then he fell asleep. When it was time to push the nurses let him count, and he went telling everyone how important he was at the birth- what a douche!! Like I wasn't the one doing the ACTUAL work. I cut him down immediately telling him (in front of his retarded friends) that I know how to count and could have done it MYSELF. He was pretty pissed at me for saying that, but oh well.

This time, he WILL he massaging me, walking me down the halls and doing squats, feeding me ice chips, and defending the no meds thing to the doctor. If he is anything short of this, he's out, and he knows this. He's angry I've put down such 'stiff' demands, but really- this is what he should have been doing the first 2 times. 

There's so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start.

I'll just choose one (out of the many).  Please try to choose a different word to describe your DH's friends... Perhaps "immature" would work... the "R" word just makes you sound uneducated and ignorant.

UrbanHippieMama

maelli3:

I would hire a doula without delay.

This.  DH wants to be there and we still hired a doula!

UrbanHippieMama

TiffanyTheMom:

I guess I'm having the opposite problem of you! I DO NOT want DH in with me while I labor or deliver! He was such an absolute pig the last two times, I have already threatened that if he starts acting like a jerk this time I will SCREAM to have nurses remove him.

The first baby, he did NOTHING to help me feel better before I had my water broken and got the epi. He fell asleep in front of me while I needed help, he ran out to McDonald's when I was 9cm for a big mac, then came back and ATE IT IN FRONT OF ME. Then after I delivered, he hogged his new son and I didn't even get to see my baby's face til 10 min after because he didn't want to share. 

With #2,  he sat with MY friend in the corner of the room, joking and having a few good guffaws with her until I screamed at them like a hawk to help me, that they were there for ME. Of course, by that point, I was in so much pain I didn't want to be touched. And then he fell asleep. When it was time to push the nurses let him count, and he went telling everyone how important he was at the birth- what a douche!! Like I wasn't the one doing the ACTUAL work. I cut him down immediately telling him (in front of his retarded friends) that I know how to count and could have done it MYSELF. He was pretty pissed at me for saying that, but oh well.

This time, he WILL he massaging me, walking me down the halls and doing squats, feeding me ice chips, and defending the no meds thing to the doctor. If he is anything short of this, he's out, and he knows this. He's angry I've put down such 'stiff' demands, but really- this is what he should have been doing the first 2 times. 

Wow.  Sounds like you picked a real winner... Pretty sure I wouldn't be having more kids with him at all, but maybe that's just me...

beyoga

We've spoken more today about it.  We are having to take private birthing classes due to my evening class schedule this semester so when I was reading in one of my books that Doulas are helpful I asked if dh if he felt like it was a good idea (the lady we're going to is a doula as well) as he is nervous in crisis situations.  He took that to mean that I didn't want him in the room and I thought he just didn't want to be there.  He has actually been hurt thinking I didn't want him in there with me and I've been hurt thinking he doesn't want to be in there.  But am very glad we've cleared that up.  And I really appreciate everybody's advice.  We are going to talk to our nurse about being our doula as it seems like it would make our experience better.  Thanks again.

Mama_SAS

midnight*sun:

Which birthing method did you/are you choosing that doesn't also include the spouse in birthing techniques? Prior to choosing the Bradley method I researched multiple techniques and all of them also focused on preparing your spouse/coach.

You do realize that you can have a coach that isn't a spouse, right? What do you think single moms do? Or military moms when their spouse is deployed? 

My birth method is a c-section and I'm pretty sure I could do that without DH there.

~adamwife~

midnight*sun:

Which birthing method did you/are you choosing that doesn't also include the spouse in birthing techniques?

Prayer.  It's the only method I've ever needed.

 

UrbanHippieMama

midnight*sun:

Which birthing method did you/are you choosing that doesn't also include the spouse in birthing techniques? Prior to choosing the Bradley method I researched multiple techniques and all of them also focused on preparing your spouse/coach.

A doula would be a coach too.  It doesn't have to be the spouse!

AppleMomma

My bestie's DH didn't stay in the delivery room with her. THey came to the agreement together though. She asked him if he would be permnently scarred to the point he would never have sex with her again, he said absolutely he'd never be able to be with her again, the thought of it just gross him out completely. So she said I'd rather you not be there if that's the case.

Personally I think he's a jerk for being like that.

My DH was RIGHT at DS's head and even helped to catch him when he finally popped through. He was fascinated. But some guys can't deal.