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Parenting after a Loss
XP Please share with me your tips
How do you balance life as a mother? Do you have a system in place that works like a charm, or are you struggling at it? TIA
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Re: XP Please share with me your tips
I don't know that I am a great example. I often feel like I'm just keeping my head above water; not really balancing much of anything. I SAH, so I'm only really balancing my role as DD's caretaker with my role as DH's wife and my role as myself. Before we moved, I thought I was making progress. Most of my week was structured around DD, but DH and I got out for the occasional date night (we had family nearby, which helped a lot). And I got out for the occasional lunch or dinner with a girlfriend.
But then we moved, and I had to start over. I've made friends with some other moms and we basically hang out when we're with the kids. We haven't progressed yet to girls' nights out or anything like that. Hopefully we'll get there some point after I get back from having this baby.
Sometimes I feel like my previous identity has been obliterated, and that's been hard to grapple with. But I remind myself that right now I'm living for my baby. It's not always going to be so intense, but right now it has to be, and for very good reason. That makes me feel better.
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I think motherhood is a daily challenge, even for the greatest among us. I have found that the more we move away from the infant stage, the better I have done. But, I still struggle in some areas. For example, I hate laundry and dishes. Luckily DH does the dishes in our house, but I have to force myself to do laundry.
I think three of the most important things to do as mother are: (1) spend time with your kids away from distraction. Go to a park or a mall or a zoo or where ever to spend time with them without thinking about dinner, laundry, and work. (2) spend time by yourself. I just realized the importance of this one. I have bi-weekly OB appt's and DD can't come with. I find myself looking forward to this me time. It helps me get through the hard times. (3) spend time with your DH without the kids, or tv, or computer. Most nights DH and I take care of DD, eat dinner, put her to bed, watch tv, go to bed. It is not a bad schedule, but some times it is helpful to break routine and go out just the two of us...even if it is only to McDonalds.
I think it's a constant work in progress. For me, I don't think there is such a thing as balance, although you can have a life in harmony. Something is always going to take priority, be it children, marriage, job.
Just like we do for DS, having a routine right now is the best we can do to keep all these things in harmony. When DH comes home at night, it's getting DS fed, then fed again, then bathed, then fed again (can you tell he cluster feeds at night?) and then to bed. While I'm doing the multiple feedings and bathing him, DH tidies up the house, makes dinner, sets the table, waters the lawn, feeds the dogs. When DS is down for the night, we eat dinner, watch a little TV and snuggle, I pump, and then go to bed. It's not exciting, but it's life right now.
Weekends are trickier since the routine is not the same, but it's our opportunity to go out for brunch or run an errand together - we try to do get out of the house somehow.
It helps that my mom lives in town and is super supportive and helpful with DS, and my in-laws are great and will fly in at the drop of a hat if there's a circumstance where we need some extra hands.