NTTCALR: DH needs your help!

ColleenS629

SIL is getting married in about a year. She got engaged after only dating this guy for a few months so DH and I have only met him like twice. He just texted DH asking him to be his best man. DH and I had discussed whether or not he would be asked to be a groomsman and he didn't even really feel comfortable with that. How does he say no without sounding like a d!ck? DH has seriously spent a grand total of maybe 6 hours with him ever.

UrbanWife

Oooh, that's a toughie.

Do you think he's asking him because he feels obligated? Is he your SIL only brother?

BlakeG

Is it possible that maybe he asked him out of respect for DH's sister?  I know with our family and friends it would be a shock if a sibling wasn't included in the bridal party.  Personally, even if I wasn't close with my SIL I would have been upset not to be a party of the bridal party for my brother's wedding.  I'm not sure how you could decline without offending anyone.  Good luck to your DH. 

ColleenS629

UrbanWife:

Oooh, that's a toughie.

Do you think he's asking him because he feels obligated? Is he your SIL only brother?

DH is SIL's only brother. I don't know how he could feel obligated... he's met him twice! Too. weird. 

ColleenS629

lrachelle80:

Is he close to his sister? Maybe she asked her fiance to ask your DH because she wants him in the wedding party?

He's not close to her. He doesn't get along too well with her, but she thinks they do. It's possible it was her idea, but wouldn't it make more sense to ask him to be a GM? 

BlakeG

ColleenS629:

lrachelle80:

Is he close to his sister? Maybe she asked her fiance to ask your DH because she wants him in the wedding party?

He's not close to her. He doesn't get along too well with her, but she thinks they do. It's possible it was her idea, but wouldn't it make more sense to ask him to be a GM? 

I agree a GM would be more appropriate then BM.  I missed the best man part in the orginial post (reading & working at the same time!) I thought he just asked him to be a GM.  Still not sure how to turn it down though...

DowagerCountessofNJ

GM - yes, BM - no.  It sends up a big red flag to me if 1.) he has no friends to be his BM or 2.) if SIL is running the show like that and he's accepting it.  Also, who asks via text message??

Aubs13

Its a tough situation, but I would say something along the lines of, "I'm honored that you asked, but I know how important it is to have your best friend as your BM.  I would love to participate in the wedding as a groomsman, and I'll help in any way I can."

Of course, this is assuming he has a best friend....is it possible he doesn't have a lot of friends?  I'm not trying to be mean, but maybe he doesn't have a lot of people in his life and needs a BM.....

ColleenS629

Aubs13:

Its a tough situation, but I would say something along the lines of, "I'm honored that you asked, but I know how important it is to have your best friend as your BM.  I would love to participate in the wedding as a groomsman, and I'll help in any way I can."

Of course, this is assuming he has a best friend....is it possible he doesn't have a lot of friends?  I'm not trying to be mean, but maybe he doesn't have a lot of people in his life and needs a BM.....

Anything is possible... we have no idea whether or not he has friends. We've only ever met him at a family BBQ when MIL was in town and FIL's birthday dinner. There were a bunch of people at both, so we barely even got a chance to talk to him. 

ColleenS629

Sgt M's Wife:

GM - yes, BM - no.  It sends up a big red flag to me if 1.) he has no friends to be his BM or 2.) if SIL is running the show like that and he's accepting it.  Also, who asks via text message??

Text message??? I know! As far as SIL running the show- very possible. From what I know about what she's planned so far... everything is the same as my wedding (ceremony, reception, cake, etc). I guess it's not far off for her to want DH to be the BM... that much closer to the alter where he stood for my wedding. 

damabo80

BlakeG:

Is it possible that maybe he asked him out of respect for DH's sister?  I know with our family and friends it would be a shock if a sibling wasn't included in the bridal party.  Personally, even if I wasn't close with my SIL I would have been upset not to be a party of the bridal party for my brother's wedding.  I'm not sure how you could decline without offending anyone.  Good luck to your DH. 

Yep. This. I had never met my brother's new wife (she's from England, and I wasn't able to make it to their wedding), but I asked her to be a bridesmaid. So it turned out the first time I met her, was two days before my wedding.

I figured it was only proper, since my sister was the MOH, and DH's sister was also a bridesmaid.

He's probably doing it out of respect to your DH. Would your DH be willing to entertain the offer?

ColleenS629

damabo80:

BlakeG:

Is it possible that maybe he asked him out of respect for DH's sister?  I know with our family and friends it would be a shock if a sibling wasn't included in the bridal party.  Personally, even if I wasn't close with my SIL I would have been upset not to be a party of the bridal party for my brother's wedding.  I'm not sure how you could decline without offending anyone.  Good luck to your DH. 

Yep. This. I had never met my brother's new wife (she's from England, and I wasn't able to make it to their wedding), but I asked her to be a bridesmaid. So it turned out the first time I met her, was two days before my wedding.

I figured it was only proper, since my sister was the MOH, and DH's sister was also a bridesmaid.

He's probably doing it out of respect to your DH. Would your DH be willing to entertain the offer?

I get asking DH to be a GM our of respect, but BM? I seriously think that's too much. DH will definitely not entertain the idea of being BM... he didn't even want to be a GM.

FWIW, SIL was not in our wedding party. She did a reading. She had made her feelings about me perfectly clear over the 5 years that we dated before getting married so we didn't want her standing up for us. My other SIL, that I am good friends with, was a bridesmaid. I know that may be controversial, but oh well. If you heard half of the things she did to me, you'd be surprised she was invited at all.