c-section related sadness

NicoleR524

I've really been good at ignoring my feelings about my c-section and my son's first 8 or so hours of life.  I'm worried that its going to come out at some point and I really don't even want to deal with it, I'm actually AMAZED at how well I have been at not even thinking about it.  I won't really get into the whole story but basically I did NOT want a section - even went to 42 weeks to try to avoid it but it was inevitable.  And after 24 hours of labor and the section I was so exhausted that I passed out for a good 8+ hours only to find that my baby was in NICU and no one had come to tell me or explain what was happening.  It was nothing serious, thank goodness, but it was still emotional.  After about 15 hours from the time of giving birth, he and I were in our room together.  I only let them take him from me for drawing blood after that point. 

But, I just cannot shake two things.  The fact that I missed out on the vaginal birth that I'd always imagined having and longed for.  And the fact that I have no idea how my son spent the first hours of his life when all I wanted and preached to anyone who would listen, was how I wanted him on my chest immediately after birth and to BF right away and do skin to skin - the whole thing.  And it ended up that I barely even kissed him on the cheek on his way out the door. 

I know, that my son loves me and that we have an amazing bond and that I have a chance of a VBAC and that all that matters is that he arrived safely.  I know all the reasonable things...but I'm sad about those two issues. 

I know that eventually, when I let the emotions surface, that I will need ot talk to someone or join a group.  But for now, can anyone here relate?  Anyone have similar issues?  Is there a group online that helps with these topics?

TIA

kate081206

Oh I'm sorry.  I had a c section with my first (he was breech) and it was so different than I had pictured my birth experience.  And I got to have a VBAC, which was awesome, with my second.  But even that wasn't a perfect birth...they messed up the epidural and I ended up with an awful spinal headache 12 hours after birth.  So, nothing is perfect...and life definitely throws you curveballs : )

It's hard...I wish things were different, but I look at my LO's and those feelings get better...just knowing that they are healthy happy and safe.

It made me feel better to talk to others who had similar experiences...you are not alone!

Bridezookie

I can totally relate! I had contractions for a few days, then a loooong labor, and I ended up with a c/s because my son kept turning his head to the side each time he was about to come out (I got THIS close to a vaginal delivery, then stalled there for 2 hours). Plus, I spiked a fever after 2 hrs of pushing. After having a panic attack during my c/s, combined with not seeing my son for 3 hours after his birth, I had some pretty serious emotional issues, on top of the awful recovery I had.

Around 2 months postpartum, I found this book, ordered it, and read it cover to cover: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0767916077 I recommend it, or something like it. It helped me.

Then I also began therapy around 3 months postpartum because of some PPD/anxiety. Eventually my therapist and I stumbled upon the topic of my c/s and it was like a light bulb went off--perhaps my trauma (yes, trauma) about my c/s either caused or worsened my PPD. So the next session after this epiphany, she tried EMDR with me. Check it out online--it is basically a technique used by psychiatrists/therapists with patients with post-traumatic stress disorder. It helped me after just one session, and I'm in a place FINALLY where I don't feel crazy-emotional over my c/s.

Also, I'm taking an omega-3 supplement, because I read about its effects on mood. Can't hurt, and it's great while breastfeeding anyway. I am also trying to get outside more often. 

Hope some of this will help you. You can PM me if you want to talk. I would be glad to elaborate on anything if you want.  

ked77

Yes, there are groups.  Check out ICAN they have links to info/help on post c/s feelings.  I REALLY wanted a natural birth and was looking forward to going through labor and the birthing process with my husband, my baby was breech so I had a scheduled c section, never experiencing a single contraction, it all felt so incredibly unnatural and I hated everything about it!  My c/s is something I definitely discuss with my therapist, I think it is a big part of my depression.  So, if you go to therapy make sure you go to someone that recognizes the mourning and sense of loss some women feel after a c/s.