WWYD: Sports and kids not wanting to play?

purple_posies

Hey ya'll ... I have a 6-almost-7 year-old SD and I'm curious about something that I'm not sure how to handle or how to help my DH handle.

My SD was enrolled to play softball over the summer and now plays soccer.  There were several times during the course of the softball season where SD would sit out an inning because she didn't want to play, or she'd make up other excuses and play up a tantrum to get out of playing.

She's at her first soccer game now. DH just accidentally called me from his pocket and while I'm sitting here saying 'Hello?' and trying to get him to hear me over a bunch of screaming kids (yeah right), I hear SD say she doesn't want to play the last quarter and mentions being nervous (???).

So what would you ladies do in these types of situations? Do you let her make a million different excuses to not play or do you make her play to 'build her character'? For the record, her mom signed her up for both things on her own and I don't know if SD was consulted as to whether or not she was interested in playing at first, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

sweetsurrender9

I would explain that you don't care how well she plays, but that the most important thing is that she tries her hardest.  Have DH talk to the coach and ask him to reiterate the message.  She's likely having some performance anxiety and doesn't know how to explain it.  I wouldn't let her sit out every game, though... she definitely needs to understand that she can't let her teammates down.

After soccer season, DH and BM might want to have a talk about how they choose what sports SD participates in.  Maybe she's not a team sports kid, but would love to try dance or gymnastics.  They need to sit down with SD and get her feelings on the situation together, so that she understands that mom and dad are on the same page as far as sports are concerned.

purple_posies

Mrs*MichelleB:

It might really make her nervous. Anxiety runs in my family, and my one son shows signs of it. Try talking with her school counselor about it. Be positive when you push them. For instance today. Today was the first day of school. My youngest practices MMA. 45min into the class he says I'm tired. Que number 1. Next, he lays on the bench next to me while the class is on a water break. #3 he fakes an eye poke from the boy he's sparring with. The coach and I both caught on right away. I told him 10 more mins. He can sleep in the car. Encouraging him along, yet being sympathetic that he really is spent. 

Side thought: My one son doesn't know the word nervous at 6 (7 in Nov.) My other at 12 might know it but that not a regularly used word. I'm curious to know where she learned it from. Does she describe her nervousness in any other way like my tummy hurts, or something?  These are all things the school can help you deal with. GL.

I was thinking something similar. I was wondering how she knew the word.  It's really hard for me to do much of anything as the stepmom, but I like to be able to make suggestions to DH. The next time I hear her say it I'll ask her how she's feeling.

purple_posies

sweetsurrender9:

I would explain that you don't care how well she plays, but that the most important thing is that she tries her hardest.  Have DH talk to the coach and ask him to reiterate the message.  She's likely having some performance anxiety and doesn't know how to explain it.  I wouldn't let her sit out every game, though... she definitely needs to understand that she can't let her teammates down.

After soccer season, DH and BM might want to have a talk about how they choose what sports SD participates in.  Maybe she's not a team sports kid, but would love to try dance or gymnastics.  They need to sit down with SD and get her feelings on the situation together, so that she understands that mom and dad are on the same page as far as sports are concerned.

I agree.

blueshirt2003

purple_posies:

 I was wondering how she knew the word.  

TBH, I can't think of any child at that age who doesn't know the word nervous. Parents use that word all the time probably for the first day of school back in the 5 year old ages. Or people will ask "are you nervous" about doctor visits, first day of school, new sibling being born, etc.

My oldest son, almost 7, played soccer for the first time this past Kindergarten year. I had no idea he was the nervous type until his first game. It took him several game days to figure out that the feeling he was having was nerves and that he wasn't really sick-sick to his stomach as in the flu or stomach bug. He enjoyed going and that's the only reason why we kept going back. This year he wants to try basketball even though he's told he's nervous but wants to try something different.

I don't think that it sounds like your SD really wants to play team sports quite yet. I don't blame her if it makes her nervous or if it's not much fun. Hopefully the BM and her dad can discuss the sports teams before she gets enrolled into another sport she may not like.

I agree with the other poster about trying something that isn't necessarily team oriented. Maybe she'd love that?

 

Good luck!  

neverblushed

I would talk to her about it (or have her dad talk to her) and really listen.  Try to find out exactly what is bothering her.  Maybe her nervousness is over something fairly specific, and the coach could help her out, or with a little backyard practice she'd feel more confident.  Maybe it's more general and she just feels anxious about how she'll do in a game -- which is a totally normal aspect of sports!  Everyone feels a little nervous before a game, meet, or match -- because people want to do their best and they know that the game "matters" more than practice. 

For girls more than boys, the feeling of nervousness sends a strong biochemical signal to retreat and back away from the situation.  Helping your SD understand that nervousness before a game is normal may make her feel better about playing.  But if she feels that she's SO nervous that she really doesn't enjoy the sport, then I'd take her at her word and wait another year or talk to her mom about waiting another year before trying a sport again.  If she willingly signs up for another season, THEN you can have the talk about "if you agree to play soccer this season, you're going to play every practice and every game and not do things halfway." 

I think there's a time and place for the "don't let your teammates down" mentality, but I'm not sure age 7 is the right time for that message.  At this age, when it's really low-stakes community league sports, I think the message should be about having fun, trying things out, and discovering what you like and dislike about sports.

GL!

purple_posies

Thanks for your input everyone!