Good touch/Bad Touch discussion?

luvmagoldn

Have any of you had this discussion with your LO's starting pre-school? Or am I the only one who hasn't?  I feel like I should say something to them now that they are old enough to understand it, at least I think they are.

What are your thoughts?

Mysterious_wife

What do you mean by good touch bad touch?

Dani123

Im assuming you mean, teaching them how it IS or IS NOT acceptable for anyone to touch them,  mainly the private areas?  No we havent done an ykind of official talk...casual comments here or there but not really...

luvmagoldn

Dani123:

Im assuming you mean, teaching them how it IS or IS NOT acceptable for anyone to touch them,  mainly the private areas?  No we havent done an ykind of official talk...casual comments here or there but not really...

Yes, discussing what kind of touching is appropriate, who should be doing the touching (like a doctor or Mom and Dad if they are hurting there) etc. 

I am hesitating to get in to it because in pre-school, they may need help in the bathroom and I don't want to confuse the issue. 

abpdjs

nope we have not had that discussion yet. i am thinking more when he starts school (1st grade)

ceecee31

We've only skimmed the surface of it with DD; she's has a few weeks before she turns 3 but I felt like now was a good time to start tackling it. We'll keep revisiting it and each time we'll go more in depth until she fully grasps the concept.  

momofolivia

I think now is a great age to start that conversation.

About 6 months ago - so a little over 2yo - we started talking to her about who can touch her, who can't touch her.  What to do when someone touches you.

At this point she can definitely tell me who can touch her (she can, her doctor and mommy and daddy only when cleaning her), who can't (we list off names and she says "no" to them.  I include family members, other adults in her life.). 

We are working on what to do when someone touches her who shouldn't (her response once was "say sorry").  I tell her that she needs to tell them no - don't touch me there, that is mine.  And tell mommy/daddy no matter what the person says.

I am not going to say that at this age she "gets it" and probably would let someone touch her not on the OK list.  But it is the start of an on-going conversation and you gotta start somewhere!

don't make me quote my source, but I read once that child molestation is very common around 2yo.  It didn't specify related or non-related, but if you think about it, they really don't know any better, aren't very verbal and so it is easy to take advantage of them.

 

lite-bright

I tried to broach the subject with my DD1, but I don't know that she really gets it yet. After a dear friend found out that her father was molesting her preschool DD (his granddaughter), it unfortunately became top-of-mind for me. (:(

Basically, during changes/getting dressed/as she's touching herself when she's PTing, I remind her that her vagina is her private parts, that she can touch herself, and mama and dadda can touch her for baths and changes, and that sometimes the doctor might touch her there. But that noone else is allowed to and she should tell us if someone does.

Her reaction is kind of funny. We read the Richard Scarry Best First Book Ever a lot, where it goes over what happens at a visit with "Doctor Bones" (a very large dog). So she'll sit there inspecting herself and say over and over, "Doctor Bones can touch you!"

Not exactly what I was going for. But she's making the connection, so that's a start. 

howleyshell

We've discussed "private parts" all along the way so he can at least tell you that his penis is "private."

Our pedi actually brought it up with him during his 4 yr check up prior to doing his physical exam.  She went so far as to tell him that the only reason the doctor could touch him today was because his Mom was right there saying it was OK.

We've talked about what to do if someone tries to touch your private parts and considering that he doesn't even allow his brother in the bathroom whne he pees now I do kinda think he'd protest if someone tried to touch him inappropriately.

We do need to work more on teaching him to tell Mom or Dad if it happens though.

Ugh..... this is the really tough stuff of parenting.

You hate to consider it but you're also terrified to not consider it, KWIM? 

abpdjs

howleyshell:

We've discussed "private parts" all along the way so he can at least tell you that his penis is "private."

Our pedi actually brought it up with him during his 4 yr check up prior to doing his physical exam.  She went so far as to tell him that the only reason the doctor could touch him today was because his Mom was right there saying it was OK.

We've talked about what to do if someone tries to touch your private parts and considering that he doesn't even allow his brother in the bathroom whne he pees now I do kinda think he'd protest if someone tried to touch him inappropriately.

We do need to work more on teaching him to tell Mom or Dad if it happens though.

Ugh..... this is the really tough stuff of parenting.

You hate to consider it but you're also terrified to not consider it, KWIM? 

did you wait until he was 4?  Carson totally knows that is his penis but we have not talked about good touch/bad touch yet and based on these responses i think we will this weekend.

luvmagoldn

abpdjs:

howleyshell:

We've discussed "private parts" all along the way so he can at least tell you that his penis is "private."

Our pedi actually brought it up with him during his 4 yr check up prior to doing his physical exam.  She went so far as to tell him that the only reason the doctor could touch him today was because his Mom was right there saying it was OK.

We've talked about what to do if someone tries to touch your private parts and considering that he doesn't even allow his brother in the bathroom whne he pees now I do kinda think he'd protest if someone tried to touch him inappropriately.

We do need to work more on teaching him to tell Mom or Dad if it happens though.

Ugh..... this is the really tough stuff of parenting.

You hate to consider it but you're also terrified to not consider it, KWIM? 

did you wait until he was 4?  Carson totally knows that is his penis but we have not talked about good touch/bad touch yet and based on these responses i think we will this weekend.

Me too.  Better to be safe than sorry right?  Thanks so much for the responses